Being On The Edge

The past few days I've been on edge.

Afraid to use the bathroom.

Afraid to sneeze.

Afraid to um...poop.

I've just wanted to sit and let Bubby be. 

But life doesn't work that way.

I can't just stand still.

Life must keep going whether I like it or not.

Me and Hubby are on our way to the doctors to "ensure" everything is ok.

I'll keep you guys posted because you all have been my only friends through all this.

I'm sure I'll be panicky until I hold this little person in my arms.

Until then.  I'll be holding my breath just a little.

And That Officially Scared Me To Death

Last night started out uneventful.  I got off of work. We ate dinner, lounged around and then I did some homework. Blah.  Around 10 or so I was done and so was Lael.

I had promised her to have a PJ Party in her room which basically means I get to squeeze my fat ass in her twin sized bed.  Not my idea of fun but I do what I can to support the kids.

Lael has a twin bed with a twin trundle underneath it that is Deja's bed when she is here.  Lately Lael has been sleeping on the lower trundle instead of her bed.  Whatever, no big deal.

I dozed off for a bit and when I woke up my husband had come into the room to check on us.  Behind hime came our 3 dogs. He sat on the top bed and the dogs jumped up on the bed with him playing around.  I had closed my eyes again and he got up to leave.  When he did Princess, my biggest dog, jumped off the bed but instead of landing on the floor she landed on the lower bed, well to be accurated, she landed RIGHT ON MY STOMACH.

I sat up in pain.  She was scared and I told her it was ok but my stomach was a little achy.  I felt a little queasy but just thought it was because I needed to eat.  I warmed up some fried rice from the day before and ate that with a glass of ginger ale and then I got back in bed with Lael.

I fell right asleep. My stomach felt a little sore but nothing alarming.  I tossed and turned a little all night but figured it was probably the springs from the tiny bed poking me.  Then I thought I peed myself.  I got up and peeked at my pants and they were wet with blood.

I jumped out of bed and realized my pants and underwear were covered in blood.  I sat on the toilet and it was nothing but blood coming out of me.  And then a little clot and then a really big clot. Like the size of slice of bread.

I then freaked the hell out.

I ran into the other room and woke my husband.  By then I couldn't even talk. Just cry is all I could do.  I managed to explain to him what happened and he remained calm and talked me through what I needed to do.  He looked in the toilet (I was too afraid to flush it) and he said that he didn't think it was the baby.

I continued to freak.  I had already been panicky about this pregnancy and this just did me in.

I got dressed and decided I was driving myself to the ER. My husband wanted to take me but I refused for him to drag Lael out of the bed at 5am and scare her to death.

I left.

They saw me right away.  The nurse asked me how far along I was and I started to cry as I told her I was supposed to be 12 weeks today.

She was very comforting and said that they would get me in right away.

The doctor came in after I changed and layed on a pad (in case there was more bleeding).  Being an ER doctor he was not familiar with the ultrasound machine but he figured it out enough for both me and him to see Bubby.  Safely where he should be.  Moving around and being, you know, alive.

The machine then shut off and he couldn't get it back on.  He left out and got the Doppler machine and we were able to hear the heartbeat (my first time HEARING it and not just SEEING it.)  It was just right. 

Everything seemed ok but he wanted to check my cervix to be sure it was still closed and to ensure I was no longer bleeding.

Great news.  It was completely closed.  The bleeding had completely stopped.

Because I am RH Negative he had to give me a shot of Rogam to prevent my body producing the anitbodies that are harmful to the baby so my butt is a little numb from that.

He wasn't sure if the bleeding came from the dog jumping on me or why I clotted so much instead of a light bleed.  But for now Bubby is safe.  I am safe.  We are safe.

I am resting.  Because I'm afraid to do much of anything else.  We are safe and I pray that things stay that way.

I will be calling my OB to get an appointment sooner rather than later.

Let Me Introduce You To....

Bubby.

And that is all.  Happy Friday my friends!

Trust, There's MORE Than Enough Of Me To Go Around

My mother-in-law is a planner.  I mean if we are going somewhere next year it's already planned out.  So naturally when she found out I was expecting she began to plan the baby shower.  Yes. Already.

It's in April.  April 17th to be exact.  You are all invited.  Seriously.  Send me an email if you are going to be in the DC/MD/VA area and you want to meet me and come.  Ahem.  So anyway, the date and location is already set.

Her house. Food, DJ (yes, a DJ!) and all my friends and family members that I can actually stand. 

Originally I had a few friends that had said they wanted to "help" out with the planning of the shower.  My MIL had been bugging me for 3 or 4 weeks to get her their information so that she could put together her baby shower "committee". 

So just Monday night I gave her the email addresses of 3, just 3 of my friends.  That is when all hell broke loose.

I had no idea that separately 2 of my friends are sweet and great and full of awesomenes. But together, planning something for me.  Not so much.

Everyone wants to be in charge.  Everyone claims to be my bestest, most special friend and know me the best and what I would like the best and blah blah blah.

For fucking real?  What's the deal?  I had my oldest friend calling me at work yesterday (yes only 2 days since I had sent out the original email) bitchin' about how unorganized it was and that she was taking over.

I had my other BF calling me to do my registry right then and there with her on the phone and telling me that she was sending out invitations.

Then I had my sister-in-law bitchin' with them about what the theme of the party was going to be.  The baby's room is going to be Classic Pooh so that is what she was aiming for.  But everyone else wants to wait until next month to find out the sex and blah blah blah.

By yesterday afternoon me and my MIL had had enough!  I remembered my "work mom" (our office secretary whom I love dearly) wanted to help plan. She is older, maybe in her late 50's and is the best party planner I've ever known.

I told my MIL and we both agreed to let her take it over.  My MIL sent her and email asking if she wanted to take charge and she agreed.  Immediately she sent out an email to my MIL with all her ideas and what colors will be used and she's doing the cake and punch to match the decorations and blah blah blah.

I love it.  She was just what the doctor ordered.  She will take charge and tell them other heffers what to do, when to do it and how.

Carlota. Where the hell are you when I need you Mrs. Germany?

Anyway, it's under control now.  I don't know what the big deal was.  When all the wrappers and cake is gone it will be just me with my kids.

Don't think they'll be fighting over me then. Huh? Will they?

Didn't think so.

In Which I Will Catch Yall Up

Alot has happened since last Thursday morning.  Let break this down by day.

Thursday:

-Lael turned 6. Yes, 6. I'm officially old.
-I took Lael to her school Halloween parade
-She went through the haunted house and came out with any tears
-I hit my head on a railing and almost gave myself a concussion (seriously, I even had the knot to prove it)
-Got home and felt like I was getting the flu (I didn't but I felt like crap)

Friday:
-I had my 10wk appt. I saw Bubby (the baby). And the heartbeat. Everything is GREAT!!! :o)

-I got my H1N1 vaccination. Ouch!

-Got Lael the Flu Mist (she said it tickled)

-Took Lael to the base Halloween Parade and then Trick O' Treating (they celebrated on Fri instead of Sat)
-Kemal went to pick up Deja so I had to do all the walking myself. My feet were DONE!

Saturday:
-Did midterms in the morning
-Took Lael and Deja to get us all Manis and Pedis for La's birthday.  It was all kinds of great!.

-Met up with 13 family members at Applebees to celebrate Lael's birthday. She loved it

-Stayed the night with MIL so the kids could give out candy at her house.
-Woke up at 5am because I was hot. Lael was on fire. MIL didn't have a thermometer.
-Drove around in the dark and pouring rain looking for a 24hr CVS. 
-Turns out Lael had a fever of 103.4 and had an awful cough. Gave Lael medicine.  It worked.

Sunday:

-Woke up and Lael was brand new.
-Went to breakfast and got home in time to shower and get back in the car.
-Took Deja home and met up with BF to get baby stuff for Bubby.
-Went shopping at Target to spend Lael's $150 in Target gift cards.
-Got home and stayed up till almost midnight finishing mid terms.

Monday and Tuesday haven't been too intresting. Just work. And recouperating. And remembering I planned Lael a surprise sleepover for Saturday.  Guess I won't be getting too much rest.

Oh, here are some picutres. Enjoy!

So This Is Six

Another year has passed. 

You have grown just a little bit more.

You’ve learned so much, you’ve changed so much, you love so so much.

At six, you can do many things that I never imagined you could.

You can shower all by yourself.  I mean get a towel, turn on the water, turn the shower spout on just the right temp and actually shower.

You can dress yourself, brush your teeth without me having to inspect your job.

You can pour your own drinks. Unload the dishwasher, change the trash in the bathrooms.

You feed the dogs, clean up your own messes and tie your own shoes.

You make your bed, put away your laundry and sometimes mine!

You command attention when you walk in a room.  You are the class clown but also one of the smartest.

You have so many thoughts and you try your best to get them all out before it’s time for bed.

You are concerned about other’s feeling.  This trait will take you far in life.

You don’t mind being alone.  You play well with others but value having time to yourself.

You have such a vivid imagination and manage to sweep others around you into your world.

I am sad to see you grow so fast but at the same time am overly excited to see the young woman you will become.

You are the reason.

The reason for me.  I would not be the woman I am if it weren’t for you.

You have changed me in so many ways I will never be able to fully grasp.

Like we say every night. You are my favorite and my best.

I love you more than love itself.

Happy Birthday Ladybug!

And Then I Blinked

I remember when you wouldn't leave my side.

I couldn't go anywhere without you tagging along.

If I left the house for the store you would run outside barefoot to make me stop and wait for you.

You used to make me play with you at the park instead of playing with the other kids.

But something was different about you last Friday.

You held my hand all the way up to the school doors. 

But once we went inside and you spotted your friends, you were no longer mine.

You belonged to them.  Your group of best friends.

You danced with them.

You laughed with them.

You whispered secrects in their ears.

You held hands with them.

You chased them around.

They made you laugh.

I sat on the sidelines staying out of your way.

Far enough for you to have your space but close enough to see you at all times.

I don't know when you grew up.  I supposed it was when I blinked.

It was time to leave.  I was a little sad that I didn't have as much fun with you as I thought I would.

But the most important thing was that you had fun.

But before we left our favorite song came on.

I blinked again. 

Then you grabbed my hand.

You asked me to dance.

I picked you up and you laughed, you smiled, you squealed, and you whispered to me.

The words you said made me remember that though you have grown up you are still my baby.

"Mommy, I saved the best dance for you because you are my best friend."

Ditto baby. Ditto.