The New Norm

8 Is The Magic Number

2011-11-14T08:31:00.000-05:00

I finally found the cord to my camera. Yeah. It had been THAT long since I uploaded pictures.

So, word on the street is Lael turned 8. How the hell did that happen?

Also, Kobi is 18 months today. Seriously. I know. I haven't posted a picture of him since he turned one.

Sorry.

He is really super cute though. And a busy body. And did I mention cute? Just checking.

So remember when I had planned to take Lael to the American Girl store in New York for her birthday? Yeah, probably not, but follow along anyway. So I was supposed to but then something very much so cooler happened. They opened one her in the DC area. I immediately made reservations and had been keeping it a total secret the entire summer (the very busy summer which I will catch yall up on soon).

We got snow on her birthday here in DC. On October 29th. Seriously. We couldn't believe it either but I sure didn't let that stop the birthday festivities.

We got to Tyson's Corner Mall which is where the store was and she was super annoyed that her big surprise was going the mall. It was hilarious.

As we were walking along she noticed a few girls carrying American Girl bags but still didn't put two and two together.

I swear, that place was the cutest thing I've ever seen. There was so much pink and sparkle I could die.

It was also very pricey. The grandparents were all generous enough to pitch in so I was able to easily pay for our birthday lunch package, get Lael a new doll and many accessories.

Here are a few pictures from our festivities.

It was a wonderful day. Afterwards we went bowling here on base were Lael ended the night by winning the costume contest and getting an iPod Shuffle. I know.

Halloween post to come soon!

Where did the time go?

2011-11-08T23:09:00.000-05:00

So the last time y'all heard from me Kobi had just turned 1. Well now he's creeping up on 18 months. Lael just turned 8 and I recently hit the big 30. Life has been overwhelmingly busy. I'm taking two college courses and juggling work, sports and everything else that comes along with motherhood. I'm very happy but just too busy to enjoy it sometimes. I know all my hard work will be rewarding some day. I miss you all. I miss reading your stories and laughing at your comments. I'm ready to be back. I'm not really sure how I stopped. It's like a part of me has been missing the past six months or so. Time flies by.

I'll be back soon with pictures and stories. Soon, I promise!

So Now He's 1

2011-05-24T09:58:00.000-04:00

Kobi turned 1 on the 14th. I am still having a hard time grasping the concept. I remember being pregnant not that long ago wondering how I would ever love a baby as much as I love Lael.

Somehow your heart stretches. You don't love one child a little less to make room for another. Your heart just gets bigger.

On the morning of his birthday, the girls wanted to have a little private celebration before all the guests arrived.

Even with bedhead they manage to be adorable.

The party was supposed to be at a picnic area but of course the weather didn't cooperate.

Of course I didn't let that stop our celebration. I rubbed the house down with Magic Erasers and sent everyone a notice that the party had been relocated to my house.

I made this photo garland that was a big hit. Thanks to my friend Beth for writing a quick tutorial post for it.

Because I wanted his party to be extra special, I also stole and idea to make his birthday banner. It came out much better than I expected.

This is the cake that I had orginally ordered. Originally I ordered a photo cake that had the same picture as his invitations. I was a little annoyed the machine was broke but I got over it.

Kobi had his own little cake. So cute.

He loved it!

One of my neighbors came over and brought her two little girls. At some point she asked me if I wanted her to do facepainting. Sure I said a little confused.

The last time I checked she was in home daycare provider. Apparently the week befor she taught herself to facepaint from YouTube. Who knew.

Kobi had a spiderweb and spider. I mean seriously. How cute is he?

Even though his party wasn't as I planned it turned out better than I could have ever imagined. I am so proud to be his mama.

Happy 1st Birthday Kobi Dobi!

Emotions

2011-05-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

Hi friends.

I know it's been a while. I have missed you. The whole 5 of y'all that still read my abandoned blog.

Life has been a whirlwind and I can't seem to steady myself. Lots has happened in the past few weeks.

Let me break it down in no particular order.

Mother's Day: It was a great day. I pretty much stayed home and relaxed. Hubby made me breakfast in the morning and that afternoon we had a picnic with the kids where we were almost attacked by pigeons for our lunchables (classy aren't we?). Later hubby made me dinner. It was lovely except the part where I spoke to my mother. It was great to hear her voice and I sure do miss her. I haven't seen her since December and she lives like 30 minutes away. But that's beside the point. We chatted for a while and I asked her about my youngest brother. I hadn't heard from him in about a month. He’s usually good about calling every few weeks and is always on Facebook obsessively. Well I found out why he's been so quiet.

My brother is in jail: My throat closes up just typing that. He is 19 and is the sweetest boy at heart but can't manage to stay out of trouble. He is being charged with some really serious crimes and my heart feels like it's literally breaking.

I got promoted: If you’ve read my blog for a while you know that I’ve tested quite a few times with no success. I was starting to think it would never happen. Traditionally the results would come out in June for those that scored high enough. However, I got promoted under a different program. Basically they do a narrative write up of your career and submit it to a board. The board picks the ones that they thing are hot shit and they get promoted immediately. Yes. Apparently I’m hot shit. I got a phone call on Tuesday night at home from a 2-star general telling me that I had been selected. I had to scramble to get new stripes sewn on my uniform but I managed. It’s still unbelievable. It also comes with a pay raise (around 300 bucks a month I think) so that’s awesome.

My supervisor is retiring: Ugh. I’ve only been here 8 months and she’s leaving me. We technically she’s moving across the hall in a non-military position but still the same, she’s leaving me. This means that I have to take on her duties until they replace her. Unless they decide I’m the one to replace her because I just got promoted. Which means they may find someone to replace me. Which means I will be a supervisor. Which means OHMYGOD don’t have enough to do already?

I started writing this post yesterday and I was going to tell you all how my dog has been sick.

Well between yesterday and today she has passed away.

My dog died: I had my Cockapoo (Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix) dog Princess since the summer before I started 10^th grade. That means I’ve had her just about 15 years. That’s a long life for a dog. My dog. She recently picked her leg and it became a sore. We cleaned it and wrapped it but she kept picking at it. We took her in yesterday and for some reason she had developed and infection in her leg which is why she kept picking at it. It must have been painful. Between her losing her eyesight, her hearing and just being plain old they decided it would be in her best interest to put her down.

And so it was done. It’s amazing how quickly the whole process went. They vet hospital team was very professional and very sweet. They thanked me for taking such good care of her and bringing her in so that she wasn’t in pain. But it makes my heart sad. I can’t remember her NOT being around. And now I look at her water bowl and her leash and feel like a part of our family is missing.

You don’t realize how much animals are a part of your family until you lose one of them. We haven’t told Lael yet. She knew Princess wasn’t feeling well and she had been spending time in daddy’s man-cave. She hasn’t asked about her and I think I’ll wait until next week when we pick up her ashes to tell her. She’s going to be devastated. Do y'all remember how she was when Boots died? Exactly.

Kobi will be 1!:I am full of so many emotions and on top of everything my baby will be one on Saturday. How did this happen? How could y'all have let this happen??

I am excited for his party but sad at the same time. So many things are going on. I find myself daydreaming more than usual. I just need things to slow down. Just a bit.

All I Need Is A Frame

2011-04-18T09:48:00.000-04:00

She did it.

All the hard work has finally paid off. I was so proud that I burst into tears. As long as I've had this blog I've talked about the report cards that broke my heart.

But she did it.

She kicked the 3rd advisory period's ass. I'm so proud of her. Now that she has a taste of the Honor Roll she wants to keep it up.

She did it!

11 Months

2011-04-14T22:33:00.000-04:00

So here we are Kobi. Counting down to your first birthday.

You are such a big boy. There are so many new things to touch on. You've graduated from your infant car seat. Today you had your first ride in big boy style. I think you kind of dug it.

You have finally grasped the concept of the sippy cup. I knew you could. You just don't like being rushed into things.

You can stand on your own now. Yes, you can but you are really quite lazy and don't stand longer than necessary. You're such a tease.

Baby food is pretty much a thing of the past. You refuse to eat anything but the real thing. You also do this thing were I put food in your mouth and you take it out, look at it and then decide if you want it. Silly boy.

You love repeating me. When I say cheese you give the goofiest grin and say "sheeee". You pretty much have Mama and Dada down but use them only when necessary.

I am planning your first birthday. My heart aches just a bit but it swells more with pride. I still can't believe I have a son. My boy. Mama's baby.

I took you to the park today do a photoshoot. You climbed and crawled and enjoyed the sun on your face. We were alone for a while but then a mom came with her two kids. She had an older daughter and a boy maybe a little over a year. You were sitting and across from them staring. She was one of those cute moms. You know the kind that look like they never had kids. I stared wishing I had that body. Before I knew it you power crawled over to her and she helped you stand up. Then. You slapped her.

I pretended to be mortified and she laughed it off. But when she wasn't looking I totally high fived you. We are have lots of adventures ahead of us my boy. Happy 11 months!

Brain Waves

2011-04-11T09:43:00.002-04:00

I don’t think I posted here about it but I’m sure I tweeted about Kobi’s “thing”. So, for the past few months he does this head tilt. He leans his head to the right and lifts his right should up simultaneously. All day at random times. At first we thought it was just something cute but we then decided it was something weird. He was do it his highchair, when we’re holding him, when he’s playing, etc. No specific time of day or during a certain act. We tried not to make a big deal about it but continued to watch him closely.

When I took him in for his 9 month checkup, we brought it up to his Pediatrician. Right when we were explaining it, he proceeded to show her himself. Quite a few times actually. She took notice of it. She checked his ears and they were clear. No ear infection. She checked his eyes and they seemed fine as well. She told us not to get worked up about it but to keep an eye on it.

No sooner that I had got back to work later that day, I had an email from her. I guess it bothered her enough that she asked a few colleagues and they didn’t seem OVERLY concerned but thought it would be safe to send me to a Pediatric Neurologist.

So, that’s where we ended up last Wednesday. We had 3 doctors in the room. They did the usual check of his weight and head circumference. Then they asked us one million questions. We explained that he still did the “thing” but it seems to be more often now. They poked and prodded. He giggled and babbled. They checked his reflexes, is strength, this length, his motor skills. Everything seemed fine.

Then they saw him do the “thing”. They all kind of looked at each other. They all went out to discuss the possibilities and brought in the real doctor. It was like a scene from House where the other doctors try to figure things out on their own and when they are baffled the big dawg comes in with all his expertise. Except our doctor was old. Really old. But didn’t have the cane like House, or the sarcasm. No, he was a really sweet old man and seemed to know what he was talking about.

He thinks that it just may be one of Kobi’s quirks. If so, I’m ok with that. But he did say that we have to give my son an EEG. They will hook him up to a machine that will monitor is brain waves. Scary. He said that they want to rule out any silent or mini seizures.

Yes please, let’s go ahead and rule that out. I was worried that I wouldn’t get an appointment for weeks but turns out they wanted to get him in quickly. I don’t know if I should be worried or relieved. So, either way his appointment is Wednesday. Wish us luck and perfect brain wave activity.

Also, any of you ever experience anything like this? What was the outcome?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-30T10:27:00.001-04:00

He's a mess. Literally.

That Mom

2011-03-24T10:34:00.002-04:00

I am that mom.

I am that mom that loses control sometimes.

I am that mom that spoils her child.

I am that mom that’s over protective.

I am that mom care’s about her child’s appearance.

I am that mom that keeps her child involved.

I am that mom that will confront you.

I am that mom that chaperones field trips.

I am that mom that fills up your inbox.

I am that mom that does her research.

I am that mom that has military training.

I am that mom that believes in second chances.

I am that mom that will ride the school bus to make my child feel safe.

I am that mom that will NOT tolerate bullying

I am that mom that will rip your fucking head off.

I am proud to be THAT MOM…and I’ll see you on the bus this afternoon.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-23T08:43:00.000-04:00

We went to a Princess Party a few weeks ago. They rolled out a red carpet and took shots of each of the girls. She cleans up well huh?

Sleep

2011-03-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

If you all have been following my blog for a while you will know that I am not one of those moms that brought the baby home from the hospital and let them sleep in the bassinet or crib.

No.

I am the mom that attempts the crib or bassinet but am to chicken shit to follow through.

Lael slept in the bed with me until she was 5. 5 people. Who does that? That mean that when I finally decided to break her of it (at my husbands’ request/threats) she was old enough to tell me where to shove that idea.

But I did it. She is now 7 and still bargains her way into my bed on the weekends or school holidays.

Now enter Kobi.

I was DETERMINED to do things the right way this time. I started off great at the hospital. I would swaddle his little ass and put him in that hard plastic bassinet. When I got him home I followed through with it. And then he realized that my bed was more comfortable. Especially if he was in my bed snuggled under my armpit.

All it took was one night of sleep and he promptly turned his nose up to the bassinet. But he was too little for the crib (in my opinion). So what did I do? I let him sleep with me every night.

I know.

Around 5 or 6 months I tried to put him in his crib. I decided to “attempt” the Cry It Out method. That was bullshit (in my opinion). I just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy. It was not good, so back to my bed he came.

I decided to wait for him to get a little older. Finally at 8 months I decided to try again. He did much better. There wasn’t much of a fuss. He would sleep for about 3 hrs in there. Progress.

Initially I would put him to bed around 9:30. He would sleep until 1:00. After a few weeks I moved it to 9:00. He still slept until 1:00. Then I decided to get feisty and moved it to 8:30. He slept until 3:30. This went on for a few weeks and I was happy about the process. Of course each time he woke in the wee hours of the morning I would bring him into bed with me.

Then last month I decided that 8:00 was a better bedtime. I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. He went down easily but still woke at 3. That is until the second night in. He slept from 8-6. Non-stop. I couldn’t believe it.

That only happened once but since then I’ve stuck with our routine. Dinner, bath, bed. He knows the routine. Then a few nights ago he decided he didn’t like it anymore. Actually he decided he didn’t like sleep anymore at all. I don’t know if it was a growth spurt or his new tooth but things were getting ugly.

Down at 8, up at 11, then again at 2, then 5, then 6, then 7:30. The past few days had been U-G-L-Y.

Then we enter last night. I put him down around 8:30 and then I woke at 3 and he wasn’t next to me. He was still in his crib. Knocked out. I debated on letting him continue to sleep, but my throbbing boob decided he needed to eat.

I woke him and fed him and then changed him. Just when I was going to carry him to my bed I changed my mind. I decided to put him back in his crib.

I went back to bed around 3:30 and flipped though the tv for a few minutes.

Then I woke up at 7. I had fell asleep. Wait. Did Kobi stay asleep?

Yes. Yes he did.

Last night was the first night he did not sleep in my bed at ALL.

A girl could get used to this.

Flawed Mother

2011-03-17T08:45:00.002-04:00

Lael’s been having a hard time lately.

The newness of having a baby brother has officially worn off. While she does love him and love playing with him, the jealousy bug has set in.

She’s been acting up lately and I’ve been coming down on her hard. I don’t even recognize the child she has been lately. Talking back, deliberately ignoring me, doing the opposite of what I tell her to, rolling her eyes, huffy breathing. I’m used to her showing out here and there but it’s been a little out of control.

My first thoughts are always, “it’s a phase”, but I thought a little harder about it this time. I had to figure out what was really bothering her.

Then the other night, I snapped. I had had enough. She pushed me to my limit and I spanked her. I haven’t spanked her in a very long time. I had given up on spanking. Swore it off forever.

I was wrong. While her actions were completely out of control, how were mine any better?

Later that evening we snuggled in bed and we talked. She cried about how everything is about Kobi. She explained how she was upset that she was the small cute one anymore. That she always has to be quiet because he’s sleeping. We can’t do certain things because Kobi is too small. Kobi, Kobi, Kobi.

She broke down in tears and my heart hurt. This is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen. I wanted her to feel the love of having a sibling at home full time. I wanted her to learn the responsibility of helping out.

I once again question my decision. Have I ruined her. She told me that she doesn’t want Kobi to get in the middle of our love and friendship. What do you say to that? I was speechless.

I need to do better. I am filled with so much guilt. If she only knew how much I love her. How nothing could ever take away the joy she has given me. How I am a better mother to Kobi because of what she has taught me.

She’s too young to understand now but I hope one day she will.

In the meantime, I hope she’s forgiving of me.

Moms are flawed too.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-16T06:00:00.002-04:00

If you look close enough you can see the curl on Michael's forehead. That picture is the best.

10 Months

2011-03-14T22:14:00.000-04:00

Ten Months. That's two hands, ten fingers.

We had your 9 month checkup last week. You are 20lbs and 28 1/2 inches. Growing just like you should.

We saw the cardiologist before your pediatrician and you are in the clear. No more heart appointments. It's such a relief!

The last few weeks have been a blur.

You've learned so many new "tricks" in such a short time.

You can now shake your head "no". It's quite funny. I think you purposely do things you shouldn't just to hear me say "no" so you can shake your cute little head and smile at me.

You say "mama". Your dad argues that you aren't really saying it but you only say it when I am home.

You love peek-a-boo. Not like before when you giggled at me. Now you like to be the one doing the hiding. You lean your head down or put a blanket over your head then pop up real fast. I die from cuteness overload every time.

You are a champ crib sleeper now. I'm glad I waited for you to get older. You are set in your routine and you don't put up a fuss.

You are still nursing. Well, that's more of an accomplishment for me. Anyway, the problem is you have zero interest in a sippy cup. Zero.

You love Lael. Like seriously. Even more than you love her you love her hair. You have made pulling her beads your new favorite pastime. When I'm doing her hair you pick up the brush to help.

You love to eat. Anything. Everything. It's a challenge for me to eat around you. But I like that you aren't picky.

You are a speed crawler. The baby gate stays up 24/7. And now you've learned to climb on things. Dude. Slow down. There's time for that later.

You have brought so much joy to this house. Your laughter. The way you squeal when I come home. The way you mock the sounds I make.

I'm so in love with you. Especially how much you made me laugh during our photo shoot. You giggled every time the camera flashed.

Such a goofy goober.

Short Month Syndrome

2011-03-04T11:29:00.000-05:00

February is over. As quickly as it came it’s gone. I think it has a bit of the short month syndrome. You know, trying to overcompensate for being the shortest month.

There were so many awesome things that happened that I didn’t time to blog about them.

But it needs to be remembered.

Then Chinese New Year was celebrated at the beginning of the month.

This was a big deal for Lael’s school because they study Chinese from PreK through the 5^th grade. Lael decided to be one of 4 kids from her class to participate in their Chinese New Year celebration. She gave up recess everyday to rehearse for this big production. This also meant I had to listen to her speaking Chinese around the house for weeks.

I show up early on the day of the event. I secured a second row seat and I was armed with my camera phone. Yes, I totally forgot my “good” camera but didn’t think it would be a big deal.

There entire auditorium filled with all the different classes. It got crowded rather quickly. We watched a few different groups act out their songs and dance. Then it was time for Lael’s group. They walked back stage donned with wearing paper masks. They lined up on stage behind paper umbrellas and begin peeking out while singing a song (in Chinese of course). The song and story line were cute and I followed along well but I soon realized Lael wasn’t on the stage.

I was confused. I was sure that I saw her go backstage. Her group finishes their song and everyone claps but the kids don't leave the stage. It gets quiet for a moment and we realize they aren’t done.

Suddenly a kid that has on a mask different from the rest jumps from behind one of the umbrellas. She walks to the middle of the stage and grabs the mic. She begins to sing a song. She had such a soft sweet voice. Wait, is that Lael?

Yes. Yes it was.

My child stood in the middle of that stage and sang that song all by herself.

I had no idea she had a solo. I didn’t even know she could sing so beautifully. I could not hold back my tears.

After the performance I tease Lael about not telling me she had her own part. I walk up to her class to get her things and her teacher stops me.

She tells me that the 2^nd grade classes will be having a Black History Month play at the end of the month. Then she tells me that she has given Lael female main character role because she is so theatrical. I don’t know whether to be excited or worried. No, I was super proud.

The performance were supposed to be the 24^th but they postponed it until today. Funny they are having it after Black History Month is over, but who cares?

In addition, they were given a biography project. Lael chose Michael Jackson as her famous person and there was a Spelling Bee.

Our month was filled with studying spelling words, looking up facts about MJ’s life and rehearsing her play. It has been busy to say the least. She made it to the 4^th round in her grade Spelling Bee. She’s excited to do it again next year.

I am headed to her school soon for the play and she also get to dress up as Michael to read her biography on him. It’s going to be exciting. I even ordered her a sparkle glove and red “Thriller” pleather jacket for her to dress the part. Oh, how fun.

Stay tuned for that post.

**In case you are curious, they are acting out a book called “Dinner at Aunt Connie’s House”by Faith Ringgold.**

Wordless "Wacky" Wednesday

2011-03-02T09:55:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday Dr Suess!

Hope you all have a Wacky Wednesday too!

Kobi Love

2011-02-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

I was at Lael's school for her 2nd Grade Spelling Bee (which I'll blog about later) and I saw this hanging on the wall outside of her classroom.

Kobi

"My favorite person name is Kobi. Kobi lives with me. Kobi likes to grab stoth. I love to play with Kobi. Kobi is my favorite person because he is the smallest one in my family."

-Lael

I can't tell you how much my heart exploded with pride.

Even though she can't spell the word "stuff".

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-16T08:24:00.000-05:00

The Tantrums.....

......have begun.

(See, he isn't smiling ALL the time.)

9 Months

2011-02-14T22:42:00.000-05:00

9 months. It goes by in the blink of an eye.

You are so incredibly funny. You love cheese. If you see me reach for the package you squeal.

You love watching Lael play basketball. I can see in your eyes that you can barely wait to be able to run with her.

You are always smiling. You smile while still holding on to that paci. Sometimes you cry and smile at the same time.

You make the weirdest faces. I try my best to get you to make them over and over just to catch them on camera.

You are a biter. I have marks on my shoulders, finger and legs from you daggering me with those 6 knives. Somehow you know better than to bite me while nursing. Just so you know, the formula is only a few steps away.

You have finally started sleeping in your crib. Only for about 5 hrs at night, but it's a start. I'm so proud of you for this. You are becoming such a big boy.

You aren't taking steps yet like your sister did at 9 months but there is no need to rush. I want you to be a baby for as long as you want.

You like to dance now. You have this cute little bounce you do whenever you hear music. If I say "Go Kobi, go Kobi, go go go Kobi" you giggle and bounce. So. Cute.

I am both excited and sad to be planning your first birthday already. It's only a few months away. Can you guys believe it?

His 9mth checkup is next week. I'm excited to see how much you've grown.

Silly boy.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-09T06:00:00.001-05:00

This is the pretty bun Lael had when she went to school this morning.

This is what I saw when I walked in the house from work.

Seriously?

I live with animals. Animals I tell ya.

Average Work

2011-02-07T16:18:00.002-05:00

Lael got her report card on Friday. I’ve been making up excuses for the past year or so on why her report cards haven’t been the greatest. I’m not sure what I expect. Part of my problem is that I am not a fan of the grading system that is used. I need to see a letter grade. Instead I get a N for Not Introduced, a D for Developing, or an S for Secure. From the end of last year up until now she has mostly D’s.

A few weeks ago Lael asked me what an F was on her test. I explained that it meant she failed. That she had too many wrong answers. She was very upset about this. I emailed her teacher and found out that the class had taken a unit math test and many of the kids did poorly. It annoys me because that means that some kids did fine. Mine was not one of them. Her teacher explained that Lael KNEW this stuff but rushed and made simple mistakes. This annoys me as well. It doesn’t matter what she KNOWS. If she can’t pass her tests it doesn’t matter. She assured me that she was going to go over the test with the class and have them retake it.

Along with the report card a progress folder was sent with class assignments and tests from the past quarter. Included was that test and the retake. She went from an F to a B. Even then she made silly mistakes. She does very well in spelling. Some tests she got every word correct plus the bonus words.

Maybe I have to come to the realization that this is who she is. She does just enough. She has two smart parents and she is fully capable but I know in my gut that she can do better. Do I push her? Is this something she has to want for herself?

I asked her teacher to send extra work home so that I can practice with her. Part of me doesn’t even want to bother because she will mumble and groan the entire time.

Have any of you had this experience? A smart child who doesn’t seem to focus and apply themselves?

I am at a loss. I don’t want a child that is just getting by. What makes it even worse is that she is compared to her sister. The one that gets Above Average marks on every report card. The one that is doing math and reading at a grade above where she should be.

I know every child is different but they are equally smart. What should I do?

Help!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-26T11:17:00.000-05:00

Right after this "oh so sweet" picture, the little monster tried to bite my mole off. But he's cute so I forgave him.

8 Months

2011-01-14T11:43:00.000-05:00

Kobi Dobi,

Another month has passed.

You have reached so many milestones.

I already find myself missing those little things you used to do.

It great to see you growing so strong and healthy but I'm in disbelief of how much time has passed.

You can be seen hanging with MawMaw.

Or with your Grandma Lumi.

You have become your own person.

You have so many quirks. For some reason you love Sanford and Son. I mean LOVE it. No matter how upset you are if you hear the theme music you stop in your tracks. I really need to get that on video.

You are now the proud owner of six teeth. Yes, six.

I can no longer eat in front of you without sharing. Just the other other day you stuck your fist in my bowl of spaghetti. Good times.

You love music. Any type. You have began rocking a bit. It's only a matter of time before you full out dance. I can't wait to see that.

You can crawl but you'd rather not.

Your new trick is standing up. Already. If I'm sitting on the ground you pull up on my back. If I'm sitting on the couch you pull up and smile.

You just may start walking at 9 months like Lael.

"What mom, there is nothing wrong with playing with a pink car."

"Hey, what you doing over there...let me get a closer look."

"Oh, what in that bowl. I need to get a wee bit closer."

"What, yes I'm standing up. No it's no big deal."

Daddy is still his BFF but he is excited to see me when I get home from work.

I can't wait to see what you do this next month.

I love you my little meatball.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

They may need to lower the rim just a little bit more.

In Need Of Sister Wives...and other stuff

2011-01-11T08:10:00.000-05:00

I started post yesterday about my weekend. I was about taking down Christmas decorations and all that. You know the usual.

Of course my insane life took over once again and now it’s pointless to post it. So let’s move on.

Here a few things you should know. For lack of time and pure laziness I will deliver it in bullet format.

· I survived my first week of Marketing 100. It’s not that bad. Yet.

· Kobi is confused with a newborn. His waking up every 2 hrs the few nights is Kicking My Ass.

· Lael started basketball. How cute is that. I will be taking tons of pictures to share. Your welcome.

· I started P90X yesterday. Shut up. I am well aware that I’ve started it twice before. And failed.

· If you haven’t tried Hamburger Helpers Chicken Fried Rice your life isn’t complete. Go get some.

· I am currently taking applications for a Sister Wife. Or someone to take my hubby off my hands.

· We are expecting our first snow storm. Between 1-4 inches. Yeah. I’ll believe it when I see it.

· I currently hurt a friends feeling and am now beating myself up. This makes me sad.

· I am going to buy myself new clothes with income tax. What’s your must have item this season?

As you can see my life has been full of interesting facts. Or not. Whatever. What are your feeling on becoming my Sister Wives?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-05T13:22:00.000-05:00

What? Kobi doesn't have to be in ALL the WW pictures.

They thought they were hot shit with those hair extensions. Silly kids.

**Sorry for the lack of posting. I am back in school so between work, diapers and dinner, I have my nose stuck in a Marketing book.**

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-29T11:50:00.002-05:00

Not only is he sitting up on his own, and wearing big boy pjs. He is playing with toys. Like PLAYING.

Not just chewing them.

The Holidays Kicked My Ass....

2010-12-27T16:47:00.000-05:00

.....and my computer.

It's dead. I've had no e energy to type up a whole post with my thumbs on iPod or BB.

As I sit here thumbing this, I am in my pjs. I have been since Saturday. I mean I did shower and put new ones on but I haven't left the house.

I go back to work Wednesday and have no intentions of putting on real clothes before then.

Christmas was nice and quiet over here. Lael got everything she wanted (minus the hamster) and
that was all I cared about. Santa even dropped off a few things for D and Kobi.

We ate leftovers, played XBox Kinect, took naps and ate some more.

I hope your holiday has been filled with laziness like mine has. Well, only if you like that sort of thing.

**I can't post pics for a while but when I do it'll be worth
it.**

7 Months

2010-12-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

My baby boy.

7 months. Already.

You are sitting up on your own. I don't know when you started this.

Just one day I propped you up and you never fell back. Weird.

You love to roll around. You start off slow but then quickly pick up the pace. Baby gates will be put up soon!

You make the craziest faces. I think you just like to make me laugh. You succeed every time.

You aren't crawling yet. But I'm ok with that. You are growing too fast and I don't mind you putting that off.

Your two teeth have come in all the way.

You sure know how to use them.

You still sleep in the bed with me. It's funny because you do this thing where if you don't feel my body close to you you kind of do a worm scoot until some part of your body is touching me. That kinda makes me smile. Like all the time.

Daddy is your BFF but now that you've finally met my brother he's in the running.

I love you squirt. You fit perfectly into our lives. You were meant to be.

Baby Parts

2010-12-09T09:13:00.000-05:00

Itty bitty fingers that wrap around mine.

Chubby cheeks.

Kissable lips.

Toes you want to eat for breakfast.

Is there anything sweeter than baby parts?

**Check out more You Capture post at Beth's Place.**

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-08T10:50:00.000-05:00

He doesn't like to be bothered while he's eating.

Yup. He's a man....almost. :o)

USO Kids Christmas

2010-12-07T08:10:00.000-05:00

Saturday I took Lael a USO kids Christmas event. I had taken her last year but thus year they changed it up big time.

This year we had to register online for our children to attend. They had to be between 4 and 12. The other catch was that you could not come along unless you volunteered to chaperone other kids as well as your own.

Because I am super overprotective, I volunteered so that I could keep an eye on my girl. I was also secretly excited to spend an afternoon alone with her.

When I think about it, that was the longest we've been alone since I had Kobi.

So one of the other catches was that we had to be bussed to the location. Maybe to prevent unregistered families from crashing the party.

This was our view as we pulled up to the community center.

When we got off the bus we were surrounded by Santa, Mrs. Clause, Princesses, Elves and many more characters.

The kids LOST THEIR MINDS.

We had a blast. I know I say it every year but being military is hard but they make up for it with perks like this.

The Dreamhouse

2010-12-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

Every year there is that one hot Christmas item that drives me crazy.

The past few years have been especially difficult because, well, we’re broke.

I mean I know we are ALL broke but I’m broke broke.

So you can imagine my pain when Lael and D both put the Barbie Dream Townhouse on their lists last year. It was around $145.

If you remember, we ended up getting both of the girls DSI’s so the Barbie house didn’t make the cut.

So, naturally when Lael gave me her list this year that damn house was on the top of the list again.

Then I was torn. Torn because it was on her sister’s list again.

Then I told my brother about it.

Him being the hero that he is (figuratively and literally) , he decided to help me pay for it.

I decided to leave the guilt behind me because the fact it Lael deserves it and I’m going to make sure she gets it and deal with everything else later.

So then began the hunt.

Apparently Wal-Mart sold it for $125 but they were sold out.

Target had it going for $130 but they were sold out.

Toys R Us had it in stock but for $179.

Amazon had it in stock for $159.

Damn. I obsessively checked these websites over the last few days waiting for them to restock or put them on sale.

So after talking to my brother I decided to order from Amazon before they ran out.

I went online to order but decided to check Target one more time.

Guess what?

They had them in stock. And on sale.

On sale for $123. And get this: FREE SHIPPING!!!

But it gets better.

I remembered that Lael’s godfather had sent her a $50 gift card so I applied that and my brother only had to pay around 80 bucks.

I feel like I just made Target and Mattel my bitches.

Even though I didn’t.

But if feels like it.

The point is I’m going to have one happy little girl on Christmas morning. (or later depending on the delivery date which ranged from Dec 21st-Jan 6th)

And because I awesome l’m gonna give my brother all the credit.

I know, I’m like a saint or something.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T09:15:00.000-05:00

The level of cuteness is sometimes too much. Too much I tell ya.

And All I Got Was This Stinkin' Picture

2010-11-30T09:06:00.000-05:00

Let's take a look at this picture:

-I believe it is the first time my husband has taken a picture with me and the kids at the same time.

-Pay no attention to the animal that I am passing off as hair

-Lael was drugged and it took 10 minutes just to get that smile

-She also refused to let me do her hair so she wore that hat the entire night

-My hair appears to be eating half of D's face. I promise it didn't. At least not that much.

We really had a great Thanksgiving. Lael was able to bounce back for a little while and managed to nibble on a bit of food.

I hope each and everyone of you was able to enjoy your family time even if you got a horrible picture out of it.

Smiling Through the Pain

2010-11-23T20:59:00.000-05:00

We made it through the Tonsillectomy yesterday.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but still nerve racking.

We got to bed a little after 11 and I was up at 3. It was more of a tease then sleep. Especially if you have a baby that woke up at 2.

Here is Lael at 4am. Smiling.

She is my hero.

We made it to the hospital and checked in by 5. We spent about an hour in the Peds wait room where we made various buildings out of wood sticks.

By 6:30 we were taken into the operating room. They allowed her to keep her pjs on and take her stuffed animal Rainbow Monkey.

We played Angry Birds and other silly games. Hubby and Kobi waited in the OR wait room.

The doctors were great. They came in and joked around with her. They explained everything that would happen.

She made the nurses laugh. She's awesome like that. She wasn't nervous AT ALL. (can't say the same for myself)

At 7:25 I had to say my goodbyes. I was sooo nervous. They tell you there is a small percentage of people who don't wake up from surgery. I prayed my baby wasn't in that percentage. I prayed and prayed.

I walked down to the wait room and distracted myself with the cuteness of Kobi. It was the shortest and longest hour ever.

At 8:30 the surgeon came in smiling and told me they were done and everything went perfect.

My hubby decided to go see her first since I saw her off (that pissed me off but I understood). He showed up a few minutes later telling me to go back because she was still sleep.

I went back and there she was, knocked out.

5 minutes passed. Then 10, 15, 20. I watched the little boy who came out after Lael wake up and cuddle with his mom.

I began to get nervous. Right when I started asking questions she woke up. She looked at me and started to cry. Not a sobbing cry but the silent tears down your cheek type.

I hushed her not to cry and of course she cried more which of course made me cry.

She was awake. A little high, but awake.

After a Popsicle and a few minutes of Shrek we were moved our own private room.

We spent about 3hrs there and then it was time to go home.

Pain or no pain. She still smiles.

There will be nothing but JELLO, Popsicle's and juice for the next few days. But I don't hear her complaining.

The Pre-Op Appointment

2010-11-19T13:18:00.001-05:00

Most of you know that Lael is scheduled to have a Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy on Monday.

Wednesday was her Pre-Op appointment.

It was a long day. Long. Very long.

Originally hubby was going to go with me.

Then we decided to leave him and Kobi home.

That morning I somehow ended up taking them both with me. Alone. (Still not sure how he got that one past me.)

Here is a glimpse of our day…….

In the car on the way to the hospital:

Her: “So let me get this straight, I will not be sleeping in the hospital on Monday, right?”

Me: giggle giggle “…..right….” giggle giggle

In the room with the first doctor:

Doc: “So, do you have any more questions?”

Me: “I think that’s it for me, Lael do you have any questions?”

Her: “Yeah, when can we eat.”

In the Pediatric Waiting Room:

Her: “I’m hungry.”

Me: “I know, it shouldn’t be much longer.”

In the room with the 2nd doctor:

Doc: (whispering to me) “Did they tell you she had to have blood taken?”

Me: (panicking and trying to whisper) “NO…..”

Doc: “How does she do with that?”

Me: “I can’t say, she never had to have that done.”

Doc: “How do you think she’ll do?”

Me: “As well as you would expect a 7yr old drama queen.”

Me: “Lael, sit down, and let them take your blood…..pressure.”

Doc: “Ok, now I will take your temperature, I’m just going to rub this thing across your forehead.”

Lael: “Didn’t they just do that in the other room?”

Me: “Ok, great job honey. Now listen. The doctors need to take a teeny bit of blood out of your arm.”

Lael: “……………”

(At this point we negotiated for 10 minutes why this had to be done and which arm and how it wasn’t going to hurt at all)

Lael: “They are going to need a smaller one if they thing they are going to stick that in my arm.”

(The doc then stuck himself and drew his own blood to show her how easy it was.)

Raise your hand if you think she bought it.

Yeah.

After 10 more minutes:

Me: “You have two choices. You give him your arm or we will go downstairs to the Pediatric Clinic where the nurses will hold you down.”

Lael: “How about I just go home.”

I then had to do what any other mother in my position would do (or not).

I sat on her. I held her legs between my legs. I held her arm.

She then proceeded to lose her fucking mind.

She screamed. She hit. She cried. I cried.

They were able to draw the blood.

At one point she told me she was walking home.

In the Pediatric Waiting Room (again):

Her: “I’m hungry.”

Me: “I know, it shouldn’t be much longer.”

3rd Doc: “Is there a Lael here?”

Lael: “I’m not letting anyone else give me shots. I’m not going.”

Me: “You’re not getting any more shots.”

Lael: “I don’t believe you.”

Me to Doc: “Can you please ensure her that she will not be getting any shots or stuck with any needles.”

Doc: “No more shots, I promise.”

In the room with the 3rd doctor:

Doc: “I’m just going to rub this across your head to get your temperature.”

Lael: “Seriously?!”

In the Pediatric Waiting Room (3rd time):

Her: “I’m hungry.”

Me: “I know, it shouldn’t be much longer.”

Her: “Yeah, right.”

Finally the nurse came and got us and went over the patient procedures for Monday.

I took Lael to the cafeteria and got her a burger and apple pie.

I then took her to the store to get her a toy.

Best believe I ensured that they will be putting her ass to sleep BEFORE they put the IV in her arm on Monday.

6 Months

2010-11-16T06:24:00.000-05:00

Half a year.

Already gone.

It can't be.

You are still brand new.

Soft.

Innocent.

So many changes have occured in the last few weeks.

You cry out for me when I walk in a room.

You reach your arms up when you want to be picked up.

You love to tap your right foot. It's pretty hilarious.

You got your first stuffy nose and I learned you don't care to have it cleaned. At. All.

Daddy is your BFF. I'm not sad about this. I'm glad you have him.

Peek-a-Boo rocks the party. No matter how cranky you are.

Not only do you have your first tooth, you have a second one on the way.

You're not crawling yet but you've learned to combine your back and stomach rolls to get you to your destination. Problem solving at it's finest.

I still cannot have you in the car longer than 30 minutes without all hell breaking loose. I pray you grow out of this soon but TKW has informed me otherwise.

You love the outdoors. When you get cranky I walk you out the front door and you take in the scenery.

Today I bought your first sippy cup. You grabbed it and then tossed it across the kitchen.

I'm sure you'll grow fond of it. Just like I've grown fond of you.

Happy 6th months baby boy.

Weekend Recap~Veteran’s Weekend

2010-11-15T09:19:00.000-05:00

It was a nice long weekend. We had off Thursday for Veteran’s Day and my office gave us off Friday as well.

My hubby’s BFF came in town from Kentucky so I spent Wednesday night and Thursday scrubbing my house down.

I’m not really sure why since they spent the whole weekend in the “man-cave”.

Friday I went to breakfast with my boss and then had a doctors appointment. Afterwards I took a nap and spent the rest of the day lounging in my pj’s.

Because that was so much fun I did the same thing on Saturday.

I finally got to watch Avatar. That took me the whole night to watch. I don’t think I’ve ever paused a movie so much in my life.

Yesterday Kobi turned 6 months. (I’ll put up his 6 mth post tomorrow) I am happy and sad at the same time.

You guys have been there from the beginning. How is this possible?

We had D this weekend so me and the MIL took the kids to see Tops and Blue.

It was pretty cool.

The kids loved a Lady Gaga bit they did.

The car ride was pretty much horrible.

Kobi does NOT do well in the car.

I don’t know what it is. I feed him, change him, make sure he’s dressed properly but he screams.

Suggestions?

I spent last night indulging in my favorite shows. I tried to watch Palin’s new show on TLC because Marinka felt it was our duty as Americans.

I didn’t get past the first 15 minutes. I mean seriously. Who can sit that close to a bear and not shit themselves?

Happy Monday peeps!

The Veteran

2010-11-11T07:53:00.000-05:00

He is the homeless guy living under the bridge.

He is the grandfather that tells his war stories.

She is the great aunt who served as a nurse.

They are the teenagers you see missing limbs.

She is the single mother you walk past in Wal-Mart.

They are the parents of the little boy at the park. The one who is with his grandma while BOTH his parents are deployed.

She is that white girl, that black girl, that Asian boy.

He is her nephew.

She is my mother-in-law.

He is my husband.

He is my brother. The Marine currently in Afghanistan.

She is me.

Happy Veteran's Day to all the heroes.

Past, Present, and Future.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

Guess who has their first tooth?

I know. I can't believe it either.

Weekend Recap~A Baby Shower

2010-11-08T08:56:00.000-05:00

I have a friend who has 2 boys. One is 12 and the other is 9. She is now pregnant with a little girl.
My hubby is friends with her hubby. This is the only couple we have in common.

This may be weird to some of you but most of my husband’s friends are single and most of my friends, well, I don’t have any other friends in the area.

So when my friend was around 5 mths pregnant, I asked her if anyone was throwing her a baby shower.

That is how I became the host of her baby shower on Saturday.

I had everything planned out but being the perfect procrastinator that I am, I still had tons to do.

Friday I left work a little early and headed to the store. I had to buy food and drinks for the party.

Once I got back home, I recruited Lael to help me put the gift boxes together.

I rewarded her with candy. She easy like that.

Saturday was a marathon.

It was the Super Sonics last soccer game.

It was also in the 30s.

We froze but we won.

Lael didn’t score a goal but played good defense.

After the game we walked across the field and the kids were given cupcakes and their trophies.

It was the ghettoest awards ceremony I’ve ever seen.

Usually we have a big ceremony at the youth center with all of the teams and we have pizza and cake.

(Apparently now that the Navy has taken over our base things are done differently.)

After the “ceremony” we headed back home but not before stopping at a community yard sale.

I scored brand new baby walking shoes for $2 and a few brand new baby toys for Kobi. Lael was able to get some stick thing for free.

We then made it home where I proceeded to make lasagna, green beans, fruit salad and Carlota’s Perfect Punch minus a few things.

Me and Lael gathered all of our games and headed down the street to set up.

The baby shower was a success.

We played “Guess What’s In The Diaper” and “Dress the Baby (with a partner using 1 hand each)”.

Fun was had by all.

I didn’t get out of there until after 8pm.

I went home and collapsed in bed.

I woke up yesterday with the mother of all headaches.

That was an excuse for me to stay in my pjs and on the couch catching up on my DVR.

I’m thankful that this is a short week, though I’m a little disappointed that the holiday in on a Thursday rather than Friday.

I mean what’s the point?

Happy Monday

Creepy Guy

2010-11-05T09:28:00.000-04:00

I originally planned to write a post about how tired I am, but then realized no one cares.

Instead I’m going to tell you about a phone call I just got.

So in the Air Force we have to have an annual physical. It’s called a PHA (Physical Health Assessment).

You make an appointment and when you get there they make you fill out a bunch of forms. You give some blood to be used for standard tests and then they send you on your way until the next year.

I am due for my PHA.

I received and email saying that I qualified to take my PHA online.

I can only imagine that means that I’m healthy enough that I don’t actually have to go in to see a doctor.

So I proceed with logging on the website and filling out the questionnaire.

I asked if I drink regularly. If I have thoughts of suicide. If I eat healthy and exercise.

You know, the usual.

So I finish up and it says to send an email to a particular address when complete.

So I did.

I get an email back saying that I will be contacted by someone.

That was last month.

Then I get a phone call at my desk this morning.

I’m a little freaked out because there is this creepy guy on the other end asking for me.

When I say creepy I mean his voice sounded like he was a smoker, who had just rolled out of bed, robbed a bank, and was using me as his one call from jail.

I had already answered the phone with my last name so I can’t pretend it’s not me.

Apparently he was from the clinic and wanted to know if I had a few minutes to answer a few questions.

As much as I wanted to scream and throw the phone, I said yes.

The first thing he asked for was my social. Ugh.

I gave it to him. I mean shit, if he can get any type of credit by taking my social, I’d have a heart attack.

So then he asks me when the last time I had an HIV test.

Um? Not sure.

Most likely when I was pregnant and they took so much blood it makes you queasy.

But the thing that worried me is if he pulled up my file with my social, why couldn’t he see all of this information?

So he says that he put in a ticket for me to go to the Lab to have blood taken and that I need to fast for 12 hrs before.

Ok. I can do that.

He then schedules me for an appointment with my doctor.

On November 11th.

I’m not genius but isn’t that Veteran’s Day?

So let me get this straight.

I have a military clinic trying to schedule a military person for an appointment of an Federal Holdiay honoring military?

What’s wrong with this picture?

Needless to say, I pointed that out and he scheduled me for the 12th.

Creepy idiot.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-03T06:00:00.001-04:00

Scenes From The Weekend:

The Halloween Ball

The Birthday Party

Halloween Night

His Story

2010-11-02T08:09:00.002-04:00

I am surrounded by other mothers on a daily basis.

Every one of us has our own story.

Some of us have had it easy.

The fairytale story. Great family, great schools, college, marriage, kids, etc.

Not necessarily in that order.

Some of us have had a more bumpy road.

When I sit on the sidelines at soccer with the other moms I sometimes wonder what happened in each of their lives.

Lives that landed us in the same place at the same time.

I look at the one little boy who can sometimes be OUT OF CONTROL but his parents love him some terrible. I look at them. An older couple.

The lady petite and quiet. The husband large and loud.

They seem so opposite yet so happy. What’s their story I wonder.

There’s the one little blonde girl who is clueless on the field. Her mother doesn’t yell from the sidelines for her to “kick the damn ball already”, but instead has her water bottle ready when it’s break time. She gives her a big hug and tells her how she’s doing such a great job.

Then there the brother and sister. Lael has taken to the sister. They were in Cheerleading together so they are like magnets to one another.

But the brother. There is something a little different about him.

He’s quieter than the others. He runs a little different.

I talk to the mom at every practice but I don’t dare ask.

But yesterday she shared her story with me.

Her story of how her precious baby was born when she had already had a 1 and 3 year old. How she couldn’t get her baby to eat.

How her baby threw up lime green. Stomach acid.

Her baby slept all day.

She took him in at 3 weeks and tried to have her committed for abuse.

They soon learned that her precious boy was allergic to food. Her milk. Formula.

He pretty much starved for the first 6 weeks of his life.

Until they figure it out.

Because of that he has complications.

Things that will be with him always.

My heart hurt for this mom. But I was also proud of her.

Even though he ran with a limp, she didn’t exclude him.

The kids tend to back off when he has the ball, to give him a chance.

I noticed the coach held Lael back yesterday when her boy had the ball.

I didn’t mind.

I knew there was something special about this little boy.

And now I know why we all cheer just a little bit louder when he scores a goal.

Because this is part of his story.

Weekend Recap~Birthday/Halloween Edition

2010-11-01T08:34:00.001-04:00

It’s Monday and I am exhausted. I got no rest this weekend. Big surprise.

I took off of work Thursday and Friday so I started my weekend early.

Thursday I got up and headed to Lael’s school. We went on a field trip to a local bookstore where a children’s book author came to read a few of his bat books to them.

After the trip we headed back to the school where Lael shared cupcakes with all her friends to celebrate her birthday.

Friday (Lael’s actual birthday) we got up early for a 7am dentist appointment. I know. I’m an AWESOME mother. Hey, she was out of school that day so I had to take advantage of it.

The original plan was for her to get sealants on her molars. However, after she gagged a few times while they were trying to get x-rays, they decided a cleaning and flouride would do it for the day.

Later that evening we headed to Lael's school for the Annual Halloween Ball. Oh the cute. I mean, come on. It was almost too much for me to handle. And you wouldn’t believe the squeals that I heard when the DJ played Justin Beiber’s “Baby”. Hilarious.

Saturday morning we got up early again and headed to Lael’s soccer game. Her games were usually at 10 but this one was at 9. I don’t know if it was because of the time change or the fact that it was only 40 degrees out but the kids sucked. I mean we kick ass in every game but they sucked bad.

Lael got a bloody lip in the first 10 mins and hit in the eye with the ball in the last 10. And the 20 in between were just horrible. The kids couldn’t wait for their turn to be benched so they could put their coats back on.

Right after the game we headed home to get ready for Lael’s costume bowling party. Fun. Fun. I’m so tired, but oh the Fun! The kids bowled, told scary stories, ate pizza and cake and I sent their cute little asses home.

Grandma took the girls with her after the party so me, hubby and Kobi went home and crashed.

Yesterday I woke up and ate leftover cake for breakfast. It was really that kind of weekend.

I headed out to the store with a friend to get some baby shower decorations. We spend most of our time driving around letting the GPS get us lost and then being stuck in traffic.

By the time we got home, there was just enough time to get Lael to Burger King, come home to eat it and get ready for Trick or Treating.

I got Kobi and her ready and we were out. It was freezing! Wind and all. After about an hour and a half we called it quits.

We were home by 7:30 and I had Lael in the bed with teeth brushed by 9. And then she was up crying about ghost at 9:30. And then she was up again at 10:30. And again at 11.

And here I sit at my computer at work. Just glad to be sitting.

Happy Monday!

Seven

2010-10-29T22:47:00.000-04:00

My Dearest Lael,

I haven't quite grasped the fact that you turned 7 today.

How has it been 7 years. YEARS. 7 of them.

My heart hurts because time is slipping between my fingers.

I need to find more time or hold on to those special moments when possible.

This year you wore many hats. One as a cheerleader. You may not have been the loudest, and you may have gotten some of the words wrong. But no one had a brighter smile. Hands down.

You are currently finishing up soccer. You kick ass in soccer. You don't even have to try hard. You're a natural.

While looking through photos, I could not find many where you weren't smiling.

Except the ones where you are concentrating with your tongue hanging out. I love when you do that.

You are also a fish. You loved the water so much you were the youngest on the swim team. They called you the Little Mermaid.

You are a clown. You are always trying to make someone laugh. You ALWAYS make me laugh.

This May you had a life changing experience. You became a big sister. You love your brother with a fierceness. It's so sweet it hurts sometimes.

I thought 6 was great, but I have a feeling 7 is going to rock the party! Just like you.

Happy Birthday Lael, words cannot express the love I have for you baby girl.

Love,

Mommy

Autumn On My Block

2010-10-28T06:00:00.001-04:00

In my front garden. The mums are seeing their last light.

To my right. Early sunsets over the Potomac River.

To my left. Trees that are in the midst of change. Trying to hold on to summer but excited for a change.

It's kinda magical how things change right before our eyes.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-27T08:09:00.000-04:00

What's a smile without a little...well a lot of drool?

A Few Moments

2010-10-26T08:38:00.002-04:00

I turned her light on like I always do.

But instead of calling her name like I usually do, I sat on her bed.

I slowly lifted the covers off her feet. I held her not so little anymore foot in my hand.

I rubbed the bottom of them.

The baby softness has been replaced by a new toughness.

When did that happen?

I slowly rubbed her legs.

When did they get so long?

I rubbed her back and whispered her name.

She stirred.

She stretched.

And then she crawled towards me.

She laid in my arms just like she used to.

Except the only things that fit were her head and chest.

The rest of her body still lay on the bed.

I held her. I rubbed her cheek. I took her face in.

Her beautiful brown face.

She opened her beautiful brown eyes.

She smiled up at me and whispered “Good Morning Mommy”.

I smiled and whispered back.

The we sat just like that.

Holding each other.

Taking in the moment.

I knew we would both get up eventually and shower.

I would have to get the baby up and change him.

She would have to get dressed and catch the bus.

I would have to rush off to work.

But for a few minutes this morning….

Nothing else mattered.

Weekend Recap~Lions and Jogging

2010-10-25T09:30:00.000-04:00

It’s Monday again already. I don’t feel too bad because I only work until Wednesday this week.

I took off to go to Lael’s class on Thursday to chaperone a field trip and take cupcakes to celebrate her birthday.

Mah baby will be 7 on Friday. I’m not ready to accept that so….moving on.

This weekend I launched Operation Run My Ass Off. It went pretty well except for the fact that I have the miles in my iPod and the computer says it transferred to my Nike account but it’s not showing up.

That’s kind of annoying.

So I got up at 8am on Saturday. Bundled little man up in his jogging stroller and we hit the waterfront trail.

It was all sorts of awesome. I think he enjoyed it more than me.

When I got back it was time for Lael’s soccer game.

She scored 3 goals. She’s awesome like that.

Afterwards we relaxed until it was time to go to our neighbors Halloween Party.

The kids showed up in their costumes and played games like find the skull (like Easter egg hunting), pin the wart on the witch, and made candy necklaces that were shaped like little bones.

Kobi fell asleep and I was ready to go home when I found out the party was actually a sleepover.

Lael practically ran me over trying to go home to get her pj’s and toothbrush.

Hubby figured since we were practically alone he would take advantage of me.

Too bad me and Kobi were sleep by 9:30.

Party animals we are.

Sunday, I tried to sleep in. But the guilt ate away at me and I got up and strapped on my sneakers and hit the jogging path again.

I just really wish it would update. Of course I’m too lazy to try to figure it out. I mean. What are husbands for?

I spend the rest of my Sunday, cleaning and doing laundry.

Did anyone watch Desperate Housewives last night? Doesn’t Paul creep you the hell out?

Anyway, I have to make a few phone calls about Lael’s party this Saturday.

Obviously, parents have forgotten how to RSVP these days. I mean, seriously, I sent an E-vite. Click yes, or no.

Happy Monday!

Photo Of The Week--Just The Two Of Us

2010-10-22T13:26:00.000-04:00

Train Of Thought

2010-10-21T09:31:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I get to a point where there is so much going on I sit and stare.

I can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.

I’ve been worried that Lael has ADD. How do you know if your child is a child or if your child has a problem.

Her birthday is next Friday and so I have to plan her party.

Except I can’t get the people to RSVP.

Which is a problem because they won’t be able to just “show up” because they won’t be able to get on base.

In addition to that, my hubby thinks that sex is the answer to everything.

My response to that is eww.

The thought of sex grosses me out.

Obviously I have issues and should probably talk to someone about it but who has time to schedule an appointment?

Halloween is next week, which means Thanksgiving is around the corner which means Christmas is almost here which means omfg how is Christmas almost here.

And I need to buy a new tree.

And rob a bank to afford the shit the kids will probably want.

And shit, I need to buy Thanksgiving and Christmas outfits for the girls. Shit. I forgot I have a baby so I have to get him an outfit too.

Did that bank get robbed yet?

Also, we have mice at work so I’m on edge.

I should not have to work under these conditions!

Also, I have not bought Lael anything for her birthday, you know, the one that’s next week.

Kobi is nursing fine but hasn’t been taking a bottle from hubby lately. I wonder if that’s a problem.

I have to take my PT test next month and haven’t started running yet. This could pose a problem.

Some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas Lael will have her tonsils and adenoids taken out.

I need to go pump but I’m afraid I might see a mouse.

I can deal with a lot of shit, but that will break me.

Kinda like doing homework with Lael last night. I almost lost it.

Like flying off the handle.

Maybe I’m the one with ADD…….

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-20T08:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we all need a soft snuggly friend.

She's Tough But She's Still A Girl

2010-10-18T13:38:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: I wrote a rough draft of this post on paper with an actual pencil while pumping (shut it, y'all sometimes share TMI too). For some reason I decided to write in cursive and soon realized I can no longer actually write in cursive. As in I've forgotten how. I physically couldn't get my hand to do it. Is that what happens from spending so much time typing? Scary.

Last Wednesday I felt awful. While that is not what this story is about, it's info you should have to put yourself in my shoes.

As much as I didn't want to, I took Lael to soccer practice anyway (it was either that or stay back and cook dinner).

It was already in a bad mood because of the awfulness I felt and because my hubby acts like it would kill him to handle practice, the baby and dinner while I checked out for the night.

So anyway, I was full of pissiness when practice started. Lael decided to see how far over the edge she could push me by getting put in time-out with another girl. During practice. Yes, time-out.

I fussed at her that if she was going to spend practice in time-out we could just go home where it's much more comfortable.

She pulled herself together just in time for a little boy on her team to take her place. He was Out Of Control. This boy had never been a problem before and is one of the few coordinated kids on the team.

The first few times he "bumped" into Lael and knocked her down I let it go. But soon the other parents around me started making comments about how he was throwing himself into the others but focusing on Lael because she was the fastest with the ball.

I watched and gave the coach a chance to correct his behavior. He did nothing.

Then the boy began kicking so high he kicked the coach a few times and another boy got kicked on the arm. Yes, the arm. Still nothing was done.

The childs mom was walking the track so I flagged her down and told her what was going on.

She yelled for him to knock it off. He didn't listen.

He knocked Lael down again.

I said nothing.

Then at one point he Lael stole the ball from him and he took both hands and shoved her to the ground.

I may or may not have lost my fucking mind at that point.

I mean come the fuck on. How much of this was gonna happen? I'm all for being aggressive but play by the fucking rules kid.

I told him to cut that shit out and he did. But t
he continued to kick so high he made Lael fall and twist her arm.

I was so pissed I yanked her from practice early.

On the way off the field I spoke to his mom. I was polite but firm. She was equally pissed and was waiting for practice to be over before ripping him a new ass.

So Saturday they had a game. I spoke to the boy and both of his parents. I joked that he was upset Lael was faster than him but if he shoved her again she had my permisson to whoophis ass. We laughed but I was serious.

Our team won. Guess who calmed down and followed the rules?

Guess who scored the most?

Sick Days

2010-10-15T08:07:00.000-04:00

I remember the days when I would get sick and could curl up in the bed for a few days and rotate between sleeping and watching daytime television.

That's how things were BC, you know Before Children.

I've been sick the past few days. You know the kind of sick where you sneeze and snot flies across the room and when you swallow and it feels like you have just downed a shot of nails.

Yeah. That kind.

I've been sick before with things turning out all wrong.

Not only do I still have to take care of the kids but to add to the drama my hubby has gotten sick to.

I'll let that sink in.

He. Has. A. Man-Cold.

It's almost bad enough to make me want to go to work.

Almost.

So even though I have a fridge of pumped milk, I have had no relief.

I couldn't get him to take the baby long enough for me to even take a piss.

I woke him this morning and asked him to get Lael up for school.

He coughed, rolled over, and mumbled something.

To prevent myself from stabbing him in the fucking eyeballs, I got up with the baby and got her up myself.

I walked her to the bus and let the dogs out.

And when I went to let them back in one had a piece of shit stuck to their ass and it got on my floor.

I almost screamed. Instead I made them go back outside and walked my happy ass upstairs.

I am NOT picking it up.

As I type this my hubby is still snuggled in bed.

He can clean the shit when he decides to get up.

It's bad enough I practically have to share my birthday with him, but fuck!

Can I just be sick and watch Jersey Shore in the comfort of my bed?

Guess not.

5 Months

2010-10-14T09:34:00.000-04:00

Oh Kobi,

Didn't I just write your 4mth post?

Would you quit the growing already?

In the past month you've been working on many things.

You are working on sitting up by yourself.

You start to crawl but then roll over and laugh at me. You're a trickster like that.

You've recently learned how to put your pacifier in your mouth. All.By.Yourself.

You have a new squeal/scream. I love how if I scream, you repeat after me.

You think everything is funny. I mean EVERYTHING.

You have finally got the hang of sticking your foot in your mouth.

You love jumping in your Jumperoo.

You like to try to feed yourself, sweet peas, are your favorite.

You love the outdoors.

You are still teething and when you aren't chewing your fingers you like to chew my face.

I am sick today. And any other baby would be acting a fool, but you are a mommas boy, so naturally you are sleeping.

I love you more than the day before.

Tell Me Something

2010-10-13T09:29:00.000-04:00

Introductions~~Originally Posted Oct 12, 2008

Being new to the blogging community is almost like being a High School transfer. All of the kids have known each other for a while and have there own cliques. I am currently the new kid that everyone is trying to get a feel for. I started this blog as a stress reliever and to record silly things my baby does.

I enjoy reading other blogs, especially other mommy blogs and reading funny stories and getting new tips and ideas. So I thought that maybe if everyone got to know me a little better they would leave me a few comments now and then and if I'm really lucky I could get a few followers. You? Come on, come on. (See I've been forced to beg)

OK, so here's a few thing you should know about me.

1. My name is Keyona and I turned 27 last week
2. I was born and raised (for the most part) in Maryland
3. I have been married for 5 years
4. I have a daughter who is about to turn 5 on the 29th
5. I have a step-daughter who will be 7 in December
6. I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 14
7. I have 4 brothers and I am the only girl
8. I have been in the Air Force for 9 years
9. I deployed to Iraq in 2003 and don't really talk about it
10. I am a TV junkie and don't care to help it
11. I love running and am currently training to run my first half-marathon
12. I have a great sense of humor (at least I think so)
13. I don't have many friends but I think it's because I haven't met the right ones yet
14. I love taking photos and hope to take photography classes one day
15. I love this blogging thing and hope to get better and meet new people!

~~~

Obviously there are a few changes.

I am now a brand new 29 year old.

Lael will be 7 in 2 weeks and Deja will be 9 in December. How did that happen?

I've been in the Air Force for 11 years now.

I haven't been running to train but I am running again to lose my baby-baby weight. Hee hee.

I took a bit of time off but am back into blogging again.

So, now tell me some things. Introduce yourself or if I "know" you already tell me something I don't know.

Weekend Recap

2010-10-12T09:20:00.000-04:00

My weekend started off early Friday. Because my birthday was Thursday my office let me leave Friday at noon.

Wasn’t that sweet of them?

I spent Friday afternoon lounging around and eating my weight in chocolate chip cookies that my supervisor baked for me.

I got up early Saturday and decided it was time for Project cleanthisdamnhouse.

During that process I dusted off my Dollar Tree scarecrows and plastic pumpkins and set my sofa table up with cute fall decorations.

Later that afternoon, my father-in-law came up and took us all bowling on base to celebrate our birthday’s.

Yes. Birthday’s.

Hubby turned 35 on Saturday. ( I meant to write him a birthday letter but it would just say blah blah, I love you, blah)

I know.

He’s old as dirt. I never thought I’d be married to an old guy. Go figure.

So anyway, I got whipped in bowling by everyone (including Lael).

That was lots of fun.

Because bowling took up so much energy I spend Sunday in bed watching cheesy Lifetime and Hallmark movies.

I doesn’t get any better than that.

Yesterday, I peeled myself out of the bed and did laundry and stuff.

I know, my life is sooooo exciting.

That is what holiday weekends are for right? Eating, lounging and watching bad tv right?

On another note, this morning I watched Lael walk to her bus stop and something seemed to grab her attention.

Actually, something seemed to have scared her half to death.

She was walking so far away from our neighbors house, she was practically walking in the street.

When she finally passed their house she kept looking behind her like something was coming after her.

I couldn’t figure out what had her bugged out so bad.

When I left to head to work this is what I saw:

I would bet my lunch money she’ll be walking home on the other side of the street today.

On Turning 29

2010-10-07T11:07:00.000-04:00

I feel like I should do something wild and crazy to celebrate the last year of my 20’s.

I just have no idea what that wild and crazy thing would be.

Any ideas?

So I thought it would be cool to post 29 things I’ve learned about life.

1. It is possible to survive off of one income
2. It too is possible to survive with just 1 car
3. Forgiving is a choice. Choose it.
4. There is always enough room to love another.
5. Change while sometimes hard, can be good.
6. Sometimes it’s good to have a little fear.
7. Also, it’s good to fail sometimes, it makes you try harder the next time.
8. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. At. All.
9. At some point your body will change and stay that way. Accept it and move on.
10. Not every acquaintance is a friend.
11. If you haven’t worn heels in the last 28 years it probably won’t ever happen.
12. Sometimes you have to let men think they are in charge. It’s for the better.
13. Your kids see everything that goes on. Especially when you think they don’t.
14. Also, it’s probably a good idea to start locking the bedroom door (ahem)
15. It’s ok to speak your mind. Just beware of the consequences.
16. Little girls do grow up. No matter how hard you try to keep them small.
17. The music you used to blast has now become annoying. Seriously annoying.
18. You will become your mother. No. Matter. What.
19. You will finally begin to understand your mother. I know. It’s shocking.
20. Being the youngest parent in your child’s class has advantages.
21. Being the youngest parent in your child’s class has disadvantages.
22. Being a step-parent will not get easier. At least not this year.
23. You most likely will not be where you imagined you would be.
24. That doesn’t mean you aren’t as happy as you imagined.
25. Age is just a number. Though my number will never go past 29.
26. That being said, this is offically the last birthday I will acknowledge.
27. Think smarter not harder. I repeat. Think smarter not harder.
28. I’m not getting old just becoming more experienced.
29. Always be thankful to see another year.

This year will be the best year yet!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-06T13:14:00.000-04:00

Ok, I Got The Point

2010-10-05T08:45:00.000-04:00

Kobi is being introduced to solids.

I started off with just rice cereal. He seemed to like it.

I then moved on to jar foods. First up was applesauce. He swallowed but he wasn’t feeling it too much. On a scale of 1-10 I would give it a 4 based upon his face.

I then moved on to sweet potatoes. That fell into the 6 or 7 range.

Next up was bananas, definitely an 8. Especially if I mix it with the rice cereal.

I then tried squash. Surprisingly it was a 7.

I then moved on to sweet peas. 10, 10, 10!. He would even grab my hand and try to feed himself peas.

So yesterday I decided to try another fruit.

Peaches.

Everyone likes peaches right?

He literally tried to lean out of the chair to get away from them.

I'm assuming he would prefer if I didn't give him that again.

I'm also assuming he would rate that a "what the hell were you thinking".

The Wig

2010-10-04T09:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I took Lael shopping for her Halloween costume. I knew ahead of time that it was going to be torture, but in reality it was way worse than that.

We’ve had the Costume Express magazine for a few weeks now. We’ve looked through it numerous times as well as looking on the computer at different websites trying to figure out what she wanted to go as this year.
In the past (in chronlogical order) she’s been a Ladybug, Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, a cheerleader, and a Japanese Princess.

We’ve managed to stay away from anything “scary” but I’ve never pushed a particular costume on her.

I had a gut feeling that this year would be bad because it’s never taken this long for her to figure out what she wanted to be.

Initially she told me she wanted to be Hannah Montana.

I have many issues with this.

1. All the Pop Star costumes look a little slutty to me including Hannah's.
2. She would have to wear a blonde wig
3. Blonde wigs don’t go very well with little black girls especially mine (just sayin’)
4. Seriously?

So when she told me this, I did what any mother in my situation would do.

I told her they didn’t have it in her size.

I know. I’m going to hell.

So fast forward to yesterday. We were in this cool Halloween store filled with hundreds of costumes.

She walked past the butterflies, light up fairies, the princesses and the skeletons. Over and over we walked in circles around the store.

I started to sweat. I was slowly becoming frustrated.

Then she spots it.

The one:

Because obviously she wanted to channel her inner hooker.

After I threw up a little in my mouth, I talked her out of it.

As we made our way down the accessory isle, she spotted the Hannah Montana wig.

I can’t describe the squeal that came out of her mouth.

I can't describe the cry that came out of my mouth.

At that point costumes didn’t matter. All that mattered was The Wig.

At one point I actually threatened her that it would be The Wig or a costume not both.

Naturally she chose The Wig.

See how that came back to bite me in the ass?

Then the tears started. She didn’t care what costume she got as long as The Wig went with it.

That is how we ended up with this:

Can you imagine my brown skin baby, in a Vampire costume with a blonde Hannah Montana wig?

I'll give you a moment to picture that.

Once I got home and she tried it on I was almost in tears myself.

I know it’s just a wig and I should get over it but do yall know me at all?

My hubby was able to convince Lael to keep The Wig for dress-up but not to wear with her costume.

Where was he when I was in the store having a damn near hostage negotiation with her?

Fuck The Wig and Hannah Montana.

Life In A Hurry

2010-10-01T13:00:00.000-04:00

Hurry up and get out of bed

Hurry up and get in the shower

Hurry up and get out the shower

Hurry up and get dressed

Hurry up a brush your teeth

Hurry up your gonna miss your bus

Hurry up and do your homework

Hurry up you’re gonna be late for practice

Hurry up and eat dinner so you can finish your homework

Hurry up and FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK

Hurry up and get in the shower

Hurry up and get out of the shower

Hurry up and get in the bed

Repeat.

Life can be rushed at times. Going through our day to day routines I lose time…..

I miss her.

This weekend we will take all the time we need to just be.

Tummy Time Torture

2010-09-30T08:25:00.000-04:00

I got a phone call at work yesterday from my husband.

He bitched about me not being at my desk when he had called earlier and asked what I was doing.

I bitched right back and explained that I don’t sit at my desk all day (I was probably at the snack bar) waiting for him to call, I was busy.

Well he interrupted my snide remarks with this.

“I just wanted to let you know your son crawled today, and you missed it, but if you’re too busy….”

This was followed by much silence.

I may or may not have cried a little…or a lot.

Once I pulled myself together I told him to give me every detail. What mat was he on? What was he wearing? Was his diaper full?

Ok, so maybe I didn’t ask him those questions, but still. Mah baby.

Naturally I went home for lunch and immediately ~~flung~~ put him on his belly.

He lifted up on his knees and then guess what he did?

He rolled over and laughed.

He was mocking me.

I can already tell he’s going to have his father’s sense of humor.

Anyway, we played that game a few more times before he got cranky and I picked him up.

I eventually had to go back to work and I spent the next few hours plotting ways I could get him to crawl for me.

Once I got home I got this video of him.

See that little smile. He knows what he’s doing to me.

Before I went to bed my husband came to talk to me.

I explained that I spend all night making Kobi suffer on his belly and all I got was a stinkin’ video.

He then looked at me and said, “I’ll let you know when he start’s crawling.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Oh, he didn’t really crawl, I was just fucking with you.”

He slept with both eyes open last night.

Things I’ve Learned This Week (And it’s only Wednesday)

2010-09-29T08:11:00.002-04:00

In no particular order…..

-I will never get enough sleep. Ever.

-No matter how old they get, males will constantly forget to flush the toilet.

-In addition to flushing, they will also forget to put the seat down, I learned that the hard way.

-Apple Juice molds quickly in a thermos that been left at school for 5 days.

-The baby will trick me into believing he will only wake once at night and when I get used to that idea he will stab me in the back by waking up at 2, 4 and 5 this morning.

-Apparently I’m responsible for keeping up with all my things and knowing what Lael did with all her things as well. Also, I’m expected to be psychic.

-The only time I will have to myself is between 6 and 6:30am. I have learned that it is totally worth getting up early to savor these minutes.

-I haven’t done enough kegels (take that however you please).

-I have no friends (irl) to rescue me. I have 2 friends and they are in NJ and Germany. I am fucked.

-The baby is skilled enough to throw up and manage to get it IN my mouth.

-I am officially a soccer mom. You know the kind that threatens to beat her kid if she doesn’t kick the damn ball. She’ll score 3 goals which makes the sore throat totally worth it.

What things have you learned this week so far? I can’t be the only one.

Please tell me I’m not.

Cloning Myself's Always An Option

2010-09-28T09:39:00.000-04:00

I’ve been totally out of it lately.

I thought I had got the swing of things once I started back to work.

I’ve spent the past 6 years being the parent of one kid and then for shits and giggles threw in another.

The thing is I’m not an organized person.

Seriously. It’s bad.

I thought I had my shit together, but then school started back up.

And then soccer started.

And gymnastics will start.

And I’m out of shape.

Note: I totally started P90X and then quit because, seriously, who has time to work out AND watch tv?

Here’s a rundown of my schedule:

6:15-6:20: Get out of the bed with the baby

6:30: Wake Lael up, give baby to hubby, shower

6:45: Take baby back from hubby (because he needs to snooze), get dressed, get Lael together

7:15: Send Lael off to the bus, nurse the baby

7:20: Leave for work (I walk)

7:30-11:30: Work (pump once)

1130-12:30- Walk home for lunch, nurse the baby, walk back to work

12:30-4:30: Work (pump once)

4:30-Walk back home

4:45-Nurse baby

5:00-Help with homework

5:30-6:30-Soccer on Mondays and Wednesdays

6:00-7:00-Finish homework if needed/Dinner

7:00-7:30-Nurse baby/

8:30- Get Lael into bed

After I get Lael in the bed I try to get dishes done, pack her lunch, wash bottles, blah blah blah.

I am in the bed by 10 and I’m exhausted. I need to clean, vacuum, do laundry.

In addition to that I need to start working out, I’m room parent for Lael’s class, and I need to start studying for Tech (my next rank).

I need tips on how to make things work. There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day.

How do you guys stay organized and sane at the same time?

Why I Blog

2010-09-27T08:17:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks I’ve had to remind myself of why I blog.

In the beginning I used my blog as a place to put down my thoughts. Kind of like an online journal.

Slowly it turned into a parenting blog, a mommy blog. A place I could document my child’s life.

I started off with one reader, and then slowly I picked up a few more.

I was happy with that. I was content.

I then started Tweeting and realized the blog world was a huge one.

I started to feel a need to be “accepted” by these other bloggers.

It doesn’t work that easily.

Most of them have their circle of bloggy friends and aren’t open to letting others in there clique.

Most of them have met before and conferences. Conferences am not able to afford.

I found myself Tweeting links to my posts and practically begging for people to comment.

Why?

Why did I feel the need to have validation from others?

I took a break from my blog after I had my son in May.

I had pretty much lost all of my readers (except for the ones who really love me) and began to panic.

Why?

The answer is I don’t know why.

It’s nice to have readers. It’s nice to have comments. But it’s not why I blog.

I had to remind myself of that.

And now I don’t care.

I will no longer post links up on Twitter. My blog link is on my profile. It they want to read they will. Me clogging up their Twitter stream won’t force their hand.

I will blog because I want to remember that Kobi has learned to roll over from his back to his stomach.

I will blog because I want to remember when Lael stopped being a baby and turned into a beautiful young lady.

I will blog because I want to remember when I settled into my parenting role and stopped being afraid.

If I bring a few friends along for the ride, that’s nice.

But at the end of the day I just want to remember.

Who Needs Tonsils and Stuff

2010-09-23T08:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I made a decision.

Lael will have her tonsils and adenoids removed.

Since she was a baby she has snored like a grown man.

She’d been diagnosed with sleep apnea but me being the overprotective parent I am, decided to ignore it.

I figured she’d grow out of it.

But she hasn’t.

At her last physical, I spoke to her pediatrician about her attention span and her sleep habits.

I explained the Lael has always been a “good” sleeper. Meaning she will sleep to noon everyday if I let her.

Turns out that because she is constantly waking up, she isn’t getting REM sleep. Who knew.

When Lael was younger, she used to wake up EVERY night. I thought it was because she wanted to crawl back into bed with me instead of staying in her own.

A few weeks ago my husband decided to start sleeping in the room with her so we could get a better idea of what was going on.

According to him, she still wakes up EVERY night with her noisy snores and having to sometimes catch her breath.

He says it’s around 1 or 2 in the morning. Every night. No wonder she has a hard time focusing in school or at home for that matter.

Thankfully I had already had an appointment schedules at the ENT clinic.

After looking over her records and giving her an exam, they determined that she had VERY large tonsils and adenoid and they were going to remove them.

This is what I had been afraid of.

They mentioned doing this a few years ago but I thought at 4 was just too young.

Now that she is almost 7 I think I am ready. Well as ready as I can be.

I also wanted her to be old enough to understand what was going to happen.

I only wish my child sleep. Restful sleep.

I’m not sure when the procedure will take place. I have to wait for them to call me to schedule it.

I am looking at the week before Thanksgiving. She’ll have to miss a week of school (which sucks) but she will get to eat ice cream and Jello all day (which rocks).

Have any of your kids had this procedure done? Any advice?

I’m a wimp when it comes to my kids.

Also, hold me.

Salt Writing

2010-09-22T07:43:00.000-04:00

I love Lael's teacher.

It's the same one she had last year and she is young and hip and cool.

Wow, it's like I have a she-crush.

**silence**

My point was, the kids love her and she keeps their attention by offering creative homework.

At the beginning of the school year, she sent home an activity packet that is to be used with their bi-weekly spelling words.

Some of those activities include writing the words in alphabetical order or coloring the vowels.

Yesterday's activity was special for more than one reason.

I've felt a bit disconnected from Lael lately. Partly because of Kobi and partly because of her new found talking back, rolling her eyes, and huffing skillz.

Last night we got to sit and have fun with Salt Writing.

A cookie sheet and enough salt to layer the pan and it turned into a game.

Not only did she spell all her words out (correctly) but we took turns writing other words and pictures.

Who knew a simple homework assignment could bring simple happiness in my home.

Couldn't resist adding a picture of Kobi, because why not?

Who Needs A List

2010-09-21T08:15:00.001-04:00

My birthday will be 15 days. I will be 29. Holy shit.

I know most (maybe all) of you are older than me but still.

I am so not ready. Looking back I realized that that I will not complete my 30 before 30 list.

But that doesn’t mean I should give up on it completely.

I’m actually thinking of making a whole new list.

Here is my list from last year.

I now realize I don’t care about some of these things

What things should I add? Did you make a list before you turned 30?

Here’s my list from last year:

1. Visit New York-I live 3 hrs from there but have never been
2. Print out some of my favorite pictures and hang them on my bare walls
3. Get rid of baggage-emotionally and physically
4. Cook a Sunday meal from scratch-preferably beef stew.
5. Bake a cake from scratch
6. Clean out the closet under the stairs-I actually really need to do this BEFORE the baby comes
7. Have my last dog fixed-Can’t take the humping anymore!
8. Go camping with my daughter-Maybe she won’t notice if we do in in the backyard…
9. Eat a piece of fruit everyday for at least a month
10. Buy myself a new wardrobe-I’ll never fit back in my size 3 jeans and after this baby KNOW I really ain’t gonna happen
11. Travel to another country for leisure, not work
12. Finish my Bachelor’s Degree-I’m halfway done!
13. Stop cursing completely-Ok, maybe…
14. Spend a whole day happy and not let anyone or anything ruin it
15. Make Tech Sgt- I work hard and deserve the extra rank
16. Ride a horse, or a pony :o)
17. Go to Vegas and live it up!
18. Take a road trip with a good friend
19. Enter a marathon and finish it
20. Scuba Dive
21. Learn another language-Maybe French since it’s such a romantic language
22. Sing Karaoke in front of people
23. See a dolphin show and swim with them if I’m brave enough
24. Help a stranger without them finding out
25. Go to a spa and get the WORKS!
26. Start a garden and be able to eat something from it
27. Take Lael to the American Girl store in NY and let her splurge
28. Make a grocery list and actually stick to it
29. Wear a bathing suit and not care about what people are thinking
30. Taste coffee….The smell makes me sick but I heard it’s yummy

Here is what I will keep:

1. Visit New York
2. Print out some of my favorite pictures and hang them on my bare walls
3. Go camping with my daughter
4. Buy myself a new wardrobe
5. Make Tech Sgt
6. Enter a marathon and finish it
7. Help a stranger without them finding out
8. Go to a spa and get the WORKS!
9. Wear a bathing suit and not care about what people are thinking
10. Enter a marathon and finish it

That’s a pretty lame list if you ask me.

What’s also sad is that I haven’t completed ANYTHING on that list from last year. How lame is that?

My life is nothing like it was last year at this time. While I sometimes miss how easy things were a year ago, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I now have a new and improved life.

Some things I know will never happen and I’m ok with that.

List or no list. I am happy.

Emergency Plan

2010-09-20T07:56:00.002-04:00

Every morning Lael walks to the bus stop with the neighborhood kids that go to her school. 1 set of 2nd grade twins and their older brother who goes to high school. I’m friends with their mother and the oldest looks out for the younger ones.

Lael gets dressed and I open the blinds to wait for the kids to come around the corner and then I send her out and watch them walk down the street.

This has been working perfectly for the past few weeks. But last week something terrible happened.

Lael was dragging a bit and I rushed her around like I’m sure many of you have done before. I looked out the window and did not see the kids and it was getting late.

I told Lael to go ahead maybe they had already walked by. I kissed her and off she went. Shortly after I walked to work. Hubby and the baby were home but he was headed out to his moms right after me.

I get to work and an hour later hubby calls me. Apparently he didn’t leave the house because the baby had spit up and he had to change him. Good thing that happened because guess who walked back in the house.

Lael.

An hour after she had left.

Apparently she missed the bus and had stood at the bus stop for an hour.

Alone.

Well, not totally alone. Other parents and kids were out there for other buses but still. Alone.

I was mortified.

How could I have let this happen? What if my husband had left earlier? What would Lael have done? What was I thinking?

She was hysterical. Crying that she was scared. Cold. And hungry.

I immediately left work and went home to comfort her.

But the guilt. Oh, the guilt.

I’m thankful that we live on base so it’s safer than a lot of other places. But I am also thankful that my child was smart enough to go back home. But I am ashamed that I didn’t have an emergency plan in place for her.

What would she have done if the door was locked and we weren’t home? We have now established an emergency plan.

We hope to never have her use it because we have adjusted our schedules to make sure she gets to that bus.

Friday she didn’t have school but this morning she did. I watched the kids come around the corner and watched her walk down the street with them but this time I waited to see her get on the bus.

I’m sure it won’t happen again but I can’t seem to get rid of the guilt.

Do you all have emergency plans in place for these type of situations?

Back To School

2010-09-17T08:05:00.000-04:00

Last night was Back To School night at Lael’s school.

So you know I absolutely couldn’t wait for all that fun.

Here are some important things I want to share with you, in bullet form. Because I can.

*When I arrived there was an envelope on every chair asking for money. $400 per child to be exact.

*Kobi has started solids. I fed him before we left. Naturally he spit up sweet potatoes all over me before it even began.

*Because I was lazy I grabbed a wrinkled shirt and threw a hoodie on over it. So of course it was a billion degrees in there but I was too embarrassed to take my hoodie off. So I suffered.

*We all cheered as they introduced all the teachers. Apparently you’re NOT supposed to “woot woot” when they call your child’s teachers name.

*When we met in our child’s classroom the teacher had to speak REALLY loud because someone brought their baby who decided he wanted to test his babbling skillz. It may or may not have been Kobi.

*Asking if your child is in the remedial reading group makes the teacher uncomfortable. (That one was another parent, not me.)

*We played a game called 2 truths and 1 lie. We had to take turns and guess what each person’s lie was. They didn’t believe I was 16. Go figure.

*Somehow I am Room Parent again. I only did it so I’ll have something to complain about on my blog. You’re welcome.

*Of course when I left it was pouring rain. I didn’t have an umbrella. Just my baby. His carseat. And a looong way to walk.

In other news, I got on the scale this morning and it thinks I've dropped almost 10lbs....I wonder if it was from sweating in that hoodie....

So there you have it. Now I’m off to make find a paper cup to stand on the corner collecting change with. How long you think it’ll take me to get to $400??

I Think She'll Be Scoring....A Lot

2010-09-16T08:57:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the start of soccer.

I know it's kind of late in the season but that's how we roll her on the base. They press us to have our registration papers and money in by a certain date but then take their time actually starting.

Lael missed the first practice because they needed a family to switch teams to accommodate another family and me being the awesome kind-hearted person I am, volunteered.

Lael will be 7 at the end of October. I was curious as to whether they would put her on the 7-9 year old team or the 5-6 year old team.

Well they decided to put her with the 5 yr olds. While some parents may have fought the decision. I giggled a little. She's the biggest one out there but she fits right in.

I was amazed at how well she was doing since she hasn't played soccer since she was 4.

They started off practicing their skillz and then it was time for a scrimmage game.

They also took TONS of water breaks. You can see she took her blue Gatorade serious.

If you look you will notice Lael isn't in this photo. That's because she was scoring a goal. She did that about 3 more times. Yeah. She kinda rocked.

Funny because I had to convince her to play this year. I'm glad I pushed her. She had a blast.

(You notice she's wearing the same clothes as the pictures from 2 years ago....yeah...she's tiny)

Matters Of Kobi's Heart

2010-09-15T08:38:00.000-04:00

Kobi had his 4 month well baby appointment yesterday. I know I already expressed my shock about the fact that he indeed is 4 months already.

He is doing remarkably well.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have seen that my little bear has been scheduled on and off with a Pediatric Cardiologist. I had not blogged about what was going on. Not because I didn’t want to share but because I had been too tired to blog.

So let me give you a little background.

Right after he was born they let me see him and then they gave him to my hubby and they went and cleaned him off.

Once they rolled me into the post-op room I could hear them whispering and poking at him. Apparently they were concerned with his breathing. Not the lack there of but the rapid pace of it.

They couldn’t figure out why he was breathing so fast. They checked his oxygen levels and gave me instructions to watch his nostrils for flaring and to make sure his lips don’t turn blue.

Yeah. Scary.

They didn’t think it was anything to worry about but of course I didn’t sleep at all because I was on nostril watching duty.

He never showed any signs of struggling to breath he just seemed to breath fast…and loud.

Very loud.

Almost like he was congested. Funny because Lael had the same problem and she was diagnosed with Tracheomalacia (underdeveloped cartilage in her tracheas) when she was a baby.

I didn’t say anything because they were convinced it would go away.

But it didn’t.

When I took him in for his 2 and 6 week checkups they started to get concerned.

I took him in for his 2 month checkup and they decided that his breathing hadn’t gotten any better and they wanted him to see a Cardiologist. That day.

They did an Echo and EKG on his heart and the results showed that he has an extra vessel that leads to somewhere. They aren’t sure where. Also, his left ventricle is on a scale of 1 to 10 ten 1 being the smallest and 10 being the largest, he’s a 10. That means if it got any bigger it would larger than normal. Does that make sense? So it’s big but not quite bigger than normal…yet.

Of course this drove me into a fit of what if’s. But I remained calm.

From then we went back and forth between his Pediatrician and the Cardiologist. We also had an appointment with the ENT doctor who diagnosed my baby with Laryngomalacia (in which the soft, immature cartilage of the upper larynx collapses inward).

Almost the same thing Lael had. However, it didn’t explain why he was breathing fast, just why he was breathing loud.

Blah, Blah, fast forward to a few more appointments.

The conclusion: He still breaths loud (he’ll grow out of it just like Lael did). They still don’t know why he breaths fast or if it’s related to his heart at all. They aren’t sure where the extra vessel is going but they would have to do a CAT Scan and they don’t want to put him through that. I agree.

So now we just wait.

He is super healthy otherwise and that is the main reason they are not concerned. He is growing and is right on target developmentally.

He is 15.4 lbs and 25 inches. He’s not quite as big as the 4 month old girl we saw yesterday that was 21 pounds but he is just fine.

Because I'm Not Already Stressed

2010-09-14T07:53:00.000-04:00

Lael will be 7 next month. I'm not even sure how that's possible. I mean seriously, she was JUST born. Ok, maybe not just born, but 7?

She is now in the 2nd grade and with that comes the beginning of her social life. Before it was a few arranged playdates here and there but other than that she just played with her sister.

That has all now begun to change.

Since the end of the last school year she has been talking about a friend of hers that lives here on the base. She wanted a sleepover, a playdate, something.

I blew her off most (meaning ALL) of the summer because I didn't know the girl or her parents. Having a new baby to tend to made it easy for me to put off.

After a few weeks Lael stopped mentioning her and I figured I was in the clear.

Then they saw each other at the pool. And again at the park. And again at the library.

And then school started and they now ride the bus next to each other everyday. So naturally the begging for playdates and sleepover resumed. But also Lael started asking to call her.

I thought I would get away with the whole "I don't know her mommy or her phone number" bit, but no. She whipped out her notebook and there the girls was. Written in the neatest 6yr old writing. I sighed and said we would call her the next week. And I repeated that for a few weeks.

Now you may be asking yourself, what's the problem? Why don't you just let her call the girl.

Well what I didn't tell you is that this little girl isn't just any little girl. She's the daughter of the base commander. The commander of the ENTIRE base that I live on. That's like the president of a company you work for.

Well yesterday she bugged the hell out of me about calling this girl. And you know what? I gave in. I dialed the number (praying her father wouldn't answer) and her mother answered. The mother remembered me and was really sweet and apparently the little girl had been bugging her as well.

I told her that her daughter could call anytime before 8:30 and she said the same went for Lael. I handed her the phone and she giggled so hard that she began to cry. You see, she's never been allowed to talk to friends on the phone before. So this is a new chapter in itself. Of course I had to force her off the phone 30 minutes later but she smiled the rest if the night.

They have a date to call each other again tonight. My little girl is growing up. I am growing with her, because it took her pushing to make me realize it's about the kids not us parents.

I just hope they don't start fighting because confronting the commanders wife about her daughter, well that could become a bit awkward.

4 Months

2010-09-13T10:12:00.001-04:00

Dear Kobi,

How has it already been 4 months? How is it that I love you more than I ever thought possible?

I was afraid before. Afraid of becoming a new mom again. Afraid that I wouldn’t have enough love for you and your sister. Afraid of having a boy.

It was silly of me to be afraid. Once they put you in my arms all the fear disappeared.

You have brought a new meaning to our family. You have taught me that it is possible for your heart to grow bigger. You have taught your father what it’s really like to raise a baby. You have taught your sister’s the ULTIMATE responsibility.

You were born on May 14th at 9:54am.

Right off you opened your eyes and took me in. Took the world in. Everyone commented how “alert” you were. I knew you would be. I had a feeling.

You are so like your sister in so many ways but also very different.

You are barely 4 months and there is so much you can do. So many ways your personality is starting to show.

You can laugh.

You can smile.

You can hold your head up.

You can grab at and hold your toys.

You can chew on anything you can hold.

You have recently discovered your fingers and sometimes get carried away and choke on them.

You love to stand up on my legs. You are very strong.

You can turn your head from side to side.

You have recently learned that you can squeal so that’s lots of fun.

You love taking a bath but only in really warm water.

You have learned how to pull yourself across the floor by using this worm like motion. That’s super cute.

You also know how to scoot yourself out of your car seat if I don’t have you buckled in. Sorry about not knowing that. Hope you didn’t bump your head to hard.

You arch your back when you see me because you know that I’m going to pick you up.

You love to fall asleep in the crook of my neck. I kind of dig it too.

You like to be scared. When I hide and jump out you go into a fit of giggles.

Everyone says you are big for your age. You are wearing 6-9 month clothes and almost 15lbs. I love every single roll you have.

You are still breastfeeding. It’s out quiet time with each other. You recently started looking up and me when you nurse and occasionally stop just to smile at me and then continue. It melts my heart every time.

I recently started breaking you into your crib. I also recently gave up.

I’ll try again later. Life is too short not to enjoy the time I have to cuddle with you.

Soon you’ll be too big and won’t want to sleep with mom.

But for now I’ll enjoy your company.

These past 4 months have gone by in a flash. I am excited to see what the next 4 will bring.

But not too fast ok? Take your time. There is no rush.

May We Never Forget

2010-09-11T06:46:00.001-04:00

I, like many others am re-posting today. My original post was written in 2008. My heart still hurts from this tragedy and always will....

Every year this day creeps up on me. I know it's September. I am conscious of it but then it's here.

I still remember where I was when it happened.

I still remember the panic that took place in our nation's capital.

I still remember seeing the smoke from the Pentagon from MILES away.

I still remember.....

Here is my post from last year on this very day.

*********************************************
9/11 Pentagon Memorial

Where do I even begin...one thing I can say is that my eyes are still burning from all the tears.

I was blessed today to be able to attend the Pentagon 9/11 Memorial Dedication Ceremony.

I have been stationed out of the Pentagon for 3 years and was privileged to receive a ticket to witness first hand the unveiling of the Pentagon 9/11 Memorial.

My day started at 5a.m. I got dressed in my BDU's and hopped a ride to the Metro. The mood was a solemn one.

It was still dark as I caught rode the Metro to the Pentagon Entrance. Once arriving there I was awestruck by the amount of people, both military and civilian that were already lining up at 6 a.m. to witness this once in a lifetime event.

I couldn't believe I was going to be taking part in history.

My tribute to the victims really started Saturday when me and my girlfriend participated in the 4th Annual Freedom Walk that started at the Women's Memorial at Arlington Cemetery and ended after a 1-Mile walk to the Pentagon South Parking.

Every year at this time I get sad just thinking that you never know when you or your loved ones lives will be snatched.

Being military makes me that much more tearful because I know that I am doing good for my country and keeping my daughter safe.

Enjoy the pictures....and NEVER FORGET!

What I Say SHOULD Go

2010-09-10T08:45:00.001-04:00

Being a parent can be hard. We all know this. Being a step-parent can be really hard.

There are always times when a child will try to play one parent against the other and more times when they try to play the grandparents against the parents.

But what am I supposed to do when the step-child plays the step-mom against the mother-in-law.

Pull my hair out is what I want to do.

Let me explain.

D is the first grandbaby. Naturally she will be the shining star. The fact that she isn’t here on a regular basis makes the spoiling that much worse.

She gets away with more than I see necessary from all parties involved.

But as she approaches 9 and Lael is learning habits from here I am becoming fed up with some of the behavior.

Quite often me and the kids will drive to the MIL’s house and stay the night. We’ll watch movies and order pizza and just enjoy each other’s company.

But mostly every time we are together at my MIL’s, D feels that she can do what she wants.

What doesn’t help is that my MIL doesn’t seem to notice that we are being played.

Case and Point:

I tell the girls to put on their pajamas and then they can play/watch a movie, etc.

I go upstairs and see Lael doing what I said but where is D? In her grandmothers room showing her how to brush her dolls hair.

I go in and tell her to do what I said. And do you know what happens next? Do ya?

My MIL tells me that she’s showing her something, turns around and tells her to finish what she was showing her.

What the fuck.

Another Case and Point:

My MIL bought white tank tops for the girls so they would have matching shirts for pictures. She bought 1 pack and since Lael needed new ones for the Fall I said that I would keep them so that I don’t have to buy any.

D’s mom never puts them on her so there would be no need for her to keep any. I made this point and D tried to argue with me that she does wear them. I shut her down and explained that in the almost 9 years that she’s been on earth her mother has NEVER send undershirts/tanks to go under her shirts.

I thought that was the end of it and told the kids to pack their bags and for Lael to put the shirts in her suitcase. Well a few minutes later they come down and my MIL says she gave D 2 and Lael 2.

I thought I had made myself clear. But apparently when they went upstairs D whined to my MIL about it and she gave her what she wanted.

It wasn’t about the shirts it was about not wanting Lael to have something that she didn’t have. I was pissed. So I went upstairs and put ALL of them in D's bag. I told Lael I would just buy her new ones.

Am I being sensitive because I thought it was kind of disrespectful. The last time I checked, I was the parent.

And being the parent, she should have done what I said first and then what she wanted to second.

Scenarios like this happened quite a few times between Sunday and Monday.

The thing is, I don’t have this problem with Lael. She knows better. It doesn’t matter what grandma or anyone else says. She’s gonna do what mom said first.

Is it D playing me? Is my MIL playing me?

I explained to hubby that is seems like whenever we are around her she forgets that I am the parent but more so with D not Lael. She hardly steps in when I’m correcting her.

I feel like because I am the step-mother I am not taken seriously and that she feels she has more of a say so than I do. Am I crazy?

What should I do?

Because I Forgot .....

2010-09-04T21:55:00.000-04:00

.....to post this picture back in July.

3 Months Later

2010-08-26T08:03:00.000-04:00

From the moment I found out I was pregnant Lael was completely on board.

She rubbed my belly, fetched things for me and grabbed baby things whenever we went to the store.

When Kobi was born she was first to hold him after me and daddy. She has helped wash him, clothe him, entertain him, push him in the stroller and even feed him.

I have done everything in my power to keep her as involved as possible. Being home with them made it easy for me to balance between the two.

But then I went back to work.

At first I didn't notice a change.

It could be because I was so worried about pumping enough breast milk I didn’t take time to notice the little signs.

The first sign was her wanted to sleep in the bed with me again.

This has always been one of those “things” we’ve struggled with. I allowed her but made her sleep on the other side of me as to not roll on the baby (even though I use a co-sleeper).

The next incident was her randomly crying about random things. When I asked her what was wrong she told me she didn’t want our house to burn down.

A few days later we all went to Kobi’s doctor’s appointment and once we left to get lunch she broke down in the back of the car but could give us no reason.

A few days later the same but this time we were with her grandmother.

She then finally opened up.

“Mommy doesn’t talk to me only Kobi and Daddy doesn’t play with me just Kobi and all he does it tell me to hush while Kobi is sleeping.”

I think I heard my heart actually shatter into tiny little pieces.

This is the whole reason I questioned having another child. Because I didn’t want to put her through THIS.

I don’t want her to ever feel as if she’s on the back burner. I know that change has to happen in her life but I didn’t want it to be too drastic.

I guess that’s asking too much.

I try to put the baby to sleep and then just focus on her. Whether it’s watching her favorite show with her or just listening to her tell me a crazy story.

But is it enough. I’m afraid of what I may be doing to her. It’s always just been the two of us and now I’ve added another child.

It’s totally my fault and now I’m trying to balance the two.

I just don’t know how.....

In Which I Talk About My Boobs

2010-08-17T16:16:00.000-04:00

I know I said I would be back the last 2 posts. And I'm trying. I really am.

I compose posts in my head everyday but it's the sitting down and typing them out part that's hard.

So, I've been back to work for 2 weeks now. I like it. I mean seriously. I leave my house at 7:20 and I'm at my desk by 7:25. How awesome is that.

I get to go home for lunch everyday and cuddle with the baby and that is awesome too.

But let me tell you what isn't awesome.

Having to leave my baby.

It was horrible.

The fact that I was nursing and would now have to pump more often than not was really getting to me.

I have to admit though, my new office knew I was just getting off of maternity leave and had an empty office set up for me to pump in.

They even made me a "Do Not Disturb" sign and had a door jammer so that I wouldn't be walked in on by mistake.

They rock big time.

Even with all that said, I will never forget my first day pumping at work.

I took my insulated bag including the pump and empty milk storage bags and walked down the hallway.

I opened the door and looked around. There sat an unoccupied desk, an unused filing cabinet, and a table with two empty chairs surrounding it.

Behind the desk there are windows but you can't see outside because the curtains are pinned closed for security reasons.

I sat my bag down and just stood in the middle of the room for a second.

Finally, I sat down at the table and took off my top.

I hooked myself up to the pump and waited.

I don't know how long I sat there before I realized my pants were getting wet.

I thought maybe I was leaking. I took a look and sure enough I was.

Only I wasn't leaking milk. I was crying.

I didn't even realize I was crying.

Here I was sitting in and empty office pumping milk instead of being home nursing my baby.

I didn't think I could do it but I did. I pumped like the best of them and when 11:30 came around I almost ran people off the road driving home to nurse him during my lunch hour.

I cried then too. This time knowingly. I knew it would be hard but I had no idea it would have been THAT hard.

Since then I've been pumping at work twice a day. Nursing him everyday during lunch and in the evenings.

Things were going well until last Thursday.

My hubby informed me that Kobi was now drinking two bags in one feeding. I thought I would just pump more but my body didn't get that memo.

Slowly I've been watching the freezer supply diminish while I've been walking around with raw nipples trying to get every last drop of liquid gold out that I could.

Then yesterday it happened.

I ran out of milk. Both in the freezer and in my breasts.

He emptied them. But yet he continued to scream.

So I did what any other mother would have done.

I gave him formula.

And.It.Broke.Me.

To pieces.

I don't know why I took it so hard. I felt as if I had already left him to go back to work but now I wasn't even able to feed him properly.

Don't give me a pep talk because I already know I'm being crazy but it's how I felt.

He finished that formula and then looked up at me and smiled. A smile so big that milk ran out of the side of his mouth.

How could I not be happy with my decision.

I've still not given up. I nursed him in the middle of the night, this morning and again at lunch. I just might need a little extra help from the formula until my milk catches up.

I am not fully OK with this but I'm pressing forward just the same.

Thank you for all those on Twitter who gave me words of encouragement and all kinds of tricks to try. I have drank beer, power-pumped, pumped in the shower, eaten oatmeal, and had expressed.

I will continue to fight the good fight until my boobs scream uncle.

Because seriously. He's totally worth it.

Because I Saw A Picture of Myself

2010-07-22T22:04:00.000-04:00

I had been hesitant about working out since having the baby.

The C-Section really kicked my butt and I didn't want to do too much too fast.

I mean I have been walking since about the second week but I mean really working out.

My husband has been...ahem...encouraging me. But I politely told him to suck it.

Well the other day I was finally uploading old pictures that had been stuck in my camera while my computer was down.

What I saw scared me. Well one photo in particular. I mean looking at it I know that Kobi was only 2 weeks old but still.

Pay no attention to my brother and dad the look good. Look at the whale on the left. I mean seriously.

I knew going into this pregnancy that I would be the heaviest I've ever been but I had NO IDEA.

I know I know. You all think I'm crazy, I mean I know I just had him. And I'm ok with that. But now I will be going back to work soon and it's time to get off my ass.

Don't get me wrong, I have dropped about 20lbs the last 10 weeks but I would seriously like to drop 25 more.

So here begins my weight loss journey...again.

So how did you do it? How did you loose your pregnancy weight. Please share.

Getting My Groove Back

2010-07-20T18:18:00.000-04:00

You know you have a friend for life when you mention your notebook having a virus and she fixes it for you....for free!

So now that I have my electronic baby back I'm ready to get back in the swing of things.

So much has happened in the last 2 months. Just when I've settled us into a routine, it's time for that routine to change.

As of today, I will be back at work in 13 days. *SIGH*

I can say I will die if I have to leave my baby. But the truth is I will go to work because it's what I have to do to take care of my family.

As of now, Hubby will stay at home with Kobi. That makes me a little itchy all over. It's not that he isn't capable of caring for him but you know. He's my baby!

****************
Now that I have my computer back I can share these pictures with you all.

Memorial Day

Baby Brother's Graduation

School Block Party

Gettin' Some Sun

First Swim Meet (She doesn't dive, she runs, in the water)

A New Challenge

2010-06-29T20:15:00.001-04:00

So once again we had D for part of the summer. She's been here since June 11th. OMGsh she has been the biggest helper. She quick and willing to damn near breastfeed Kobi.

The problem? I forget about Lael.

I don't mean I forget her but I forget that it was her that watched my tummy grow everyday and all she talked about was being able to help with her brother.

Last night I lay in bed and Lael comes in my room. She starts crying and I had no clue what the problem was.

Apparently I've been overlooking her in the helper area. She told me how I gave her diaper job away to D (one that was hers tje first 3 weeks of his life). She said that I always ask D to help me and never her.

She's right. Just because D is quicker and older doesn't make it right.

D will be going home next week and then it will be Lael and Kobi again. She will be my only helper until Aug.

The challenge: Keeping them both involved without any hurt feelings.

Fun times are ahead.

A New Life

2010-06-28T10:08:00.002-04:00

This is my new life. Diapers, spit-up, sleep deprivation. And you know what I wouldn't trade it for the world. Just this morning I fed and burped Kobi and what came next made me cry. He stared up at me. And then his eyes squinted and his mouth curled up to the most beautiful smile I've seen. A simple smile.
For a working outside the home mom, 6 weeks ain't shit. If I didn't take more leave days I would be sitting at work today. The thought makes me feel sick. I have 5 more weeks and I will make the best of them. Right now my laptop has a virus so I can't upload pics but you can find them on my Twitter account. For nowi will be enjoying my new life. I once worried that my heart wouldn't be big enough to make room for another child. I now know that the heart doesn't make room, it simply grows bigger. And my bigger heart is full. For now.

The Last 4 Weeks.....

2010-06-11T21:40:00.001-04:00

.....have gone by in a flash.

I've missed you guys. I don't know where to begin.

Well....to back things up a bit. Me and hubby got up on May 14th around 5am and left for the hospital around 6. We were there by 7 and by 8:30 they were prepping me for the C-Section.

All went well...even the ever so painful spinal tap. But once the meds kicked in was a walk in the park. Kobi was born at 9:54am and shortly after I was waiting for them to finish tying my tubes.

((I can't remember if I told you guys or not but that was our final decision. NO MORE BABIES....at least none coming out of me.))

I was in my suite by 12 and they sent me home on Sunday May 16th.

Since then I've spent my time doing the usual. Tending to a recently circumsized penis, getting peed, pooped and spitup on. Changing diapers and waking up every 2 hrs to put my nipples through more trauma than they should have to bare.

He is a very easy baby. All he wants is to be fed...ON TIME. I had to learn the hard way that he also hates to be changed before or after a feeding so I have to change him in between switching boobs.

We are still getting used to having a new person around here. Lael has been a big help. She holds him everyday and has recently fed him from a bottle.

D hasn't had much time with him but she will be here for summer break so I'll be sure to teach her how to change a diaper or two.

Hubby is giddy. He stares at him mostly. Poking at him like he's a pet. All I can do is giggle.

I can't believe it's been 4 weeks. He was 7lbs 11oz when born and 7lbs 5oz when we left the hospital. I took him back for his 2 week checkup and he was already 9lbs. I think it's safe to say he will be one of those adorable, make you want to nibble on their cheeks, chubby babies.

As I sit here typing he is laying on my chest but it still doesn't feel real. I feel like I'm babysitting. I'm not sure when I will get used to him.

His is all sorts of awesome.

Here are a few pictures of the last few weeks.....

Everything I Hoped He Would Be

2010-05-17T11:56:00.000-04:00

Introducing Kobi Dean......

Born May 14, 2010 @ 0954am

7lbs 11oz 20inches

He basically got dropped off from heaven.....

Mommy's tired so more to come soon.

All I Can Do Now Is Wait

2010-05-13T23:46:00.000-04:00

It's almost midnight so I'll just pretend it's Friday already.

I currently look like this:

Yes my friends. You wanted to see pregnant. I'm pregnant. No more cut belly. Just the really huge one. Really huge.

I don't know what time my surgery will be. I just know that I can't sleep.

I've been told to call between 4 and 5 for them to tell me what time in the morning to come. Of course my alarm is set for 4 though I doubt I will need the clock to wake me.

I know it's not a big deal to most. Women get pregnant all the time. Babies are born all the time.

But if every mother loved their children the way I love mine, the world would be AWESOME.

I love my boy. I loved him before I knew him.

Lael is super excited. She asked me if we would bring Bubby home by Tuesday. I told her as long as he was healthy we should.

She gave a fist pump followed by a "yesssss" and then proceeded to ask if I she could take him in for Show and Share on Tuesday.

That girl tickles me.

Well I'm sitting here on my bed. My suitcase opened and mostly packed...all I need to put in there now is my Notebook that I'm currently using to type this.

Wish me luck my friends.

I will post pictures as soon as I can because we all know once he's born yall will not longer care about me.

It will be all about this bundle I am about to hold, and cuddle, and smell.

Oh I can smell him already..............

I'm Hanging In There

2010-05-05T14:34:00.000-04:00

Hi friends,

I know I've been a bit of a ghost the past few weeks. I'm ok. I'm surviving. I'm having kick-ass contractions. But that just means I'm that much closer to meeting the newest member of our family.

I went to the doctors yesterday. He is head down and over 6lbs. The doctors predict he'll be 8lbs.

Ouch.

Lael was 7lbs 4.3 oz so 8lbs seems like a big jump. Maybe I'm being paranoid.

I spent last weekend in PA at one of my best friends wedding. Lael was a flower girl. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid but seriously. Too pregnant.

It was beautiful.

I wore a green maxi dress and my hubby said I looked like a 2-liter of 7-UP. He's a jerk like that.

I'm happy. I'm nervous. I'm not really ready. But I am soooo ready.

Next Friday people. That's 9 days left.

That's like no time at all.

A Little Practice

2010-04-29T07:51:00.002-04:00

Birthday Countdown....Also Question Of The Week

2010-04-27T10:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I met with the surgeon.

We went over my health and everything is as perfect as perfect can be.

And then she went over the calender for my 39th week of pregnancy.

And then she picked the first available date that they could take him.

And then I almost squealed with excitement because it was sooner than I thought they would.

And now we have a date to countdown to.

Bubby will be born on May 14th, 2010.

17 days people. 17 days.

*************************************

And here is the Question of the Week:

"If you could bear the child of a famous person alive today, who would it be and why?"

I couldn't narrow it down to 1. I chose Taye Diggs, because seriously. Who doesn't want to eat him up, plus I saw him on Ellen and the way he spoke of his son made my heart smile. He is a good father, you can tell.

My sencond choice is Hugh Jackman, because again, hello? I could eat him off a platter. Plus he has been all over the tabloids with his children. He is actively involved with them. And we all know there is nothing sexier than a hot guy that's good with is kids.

What about you? Who's your imaginative baby daddy?

Bubby's Room-Phase 2 (36 Weeks)

2010-04-26T10:18:00.000-04:00

I had to move the crib to the other side of the room to fit the Pooh baskets on the shelves. Adorable.

His mattress in in the crib but I haven't washed the sheets and put them on yet.

Here is the pile of clothes I HAVE washed. This is 2 loads. One still needs to be folded and I still probably have 3-4 more loads to go.

My father-in-law ordered a dresser set that matches the crib so this shelf will be taken out this week so I can put more things away. There is still tons of stuff in Lael's room that I haven't even moved to Bubby's room yet.

And here is my 36 week belly. I'm ready. Done. Finished. Time to hold my son. :)

Project Bubby's Room-Phase 1

2010-04-22T08:43:00.000-04:00

It's funny how I posted a few days ago that Bubby's room wasn't CLOSE to being ready for him.

There was still a futon, desk and cubby in there, not to mention my brother-in-law's belongings.

I was starting to get panicky because the closer I get to may the less energy I have and once he gets here fixing his room will be the last of my worries.

I've been on my hubby for MONTHS to get the furniture out of the room but you know.

He's a husband.

And they do things when they are good an ready. No sooner, no later.

He swore that this week would be the week he made moves.

Monday came and went. Nothing.

Tuesday came and went. Nothing.

Wednesday came and went. Nothing.

Thursday rained and I knew nothing would happen then.

But when I came home yesterday and opened the front door and was greeted by a desk sitting on a rolling cart thingy.

He claimed that he was taking it to the dumpster today but I still had a lot of cleaning out to do in the room

I was pissy because I had gotten everything out of the room and didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

I went upstairs and this is what I saw:

I was so excited I think I teared up a little bit.

Not only did he take everything out of the room but he shampooed the carpet, put the crib together, and put the rocking chair in their and even shampooed that!

I threw the Pooh rug in there just to add a little touch.

I can't believe it's real. He will be here soon.

Stay tuned for Phase 2!

Question Of The Week

2010-04-20T07:52:00.000-04:00

Ok, you guys have been giving great responses the the questions.

Some of you have been slacking. You have to answer the question. No judgement will be passed....ok maybe a little.

Just kidding.

Ok here goes:

If you could give anonymous advice to one set of parents you know about how they are raising thier kids, who would it be and what would you tell them?

Don't be afraid. We all have different opinions and it's ok. It's not like I'm going to TELL them what you said.

So for me it would be my best friend and her fiance. I love her with all my heart but they don't speak to their kids in the best way.

While on the phone with her the other day I heard her fiance yell "Get you ass back in the fucking tub!" I gasped.

And then I was silent.

She was all like "What?" And I said "Why is he talking to him like that, he's 2!"

And she said something about how many times he had gotten out of the tub and that he doesn't really understand what they are saying.

I call bullshit.

I have yelled at my kids before. I admit it. But I have never, ever, spoken to them this way before.

I would give them both advice on talking to each other and the children the way they want them to talk to others. Friends, family, everyone.

I haven't given her the advice because she over-reacts but it has been eating at me. I'll tell her one day.

Just not now.

Ok, your turn. Let's see what you got.

The Baby Shower

2010-04-19T10:08:00.000-04:00

It was full awe awesomeness.

The kids all helped open and pass things around. I love kids.

My best friend (holding the duck) drove all the way from NJ. I am loved.

The outfit I'm wearing my brother bought me. You can't see it in the pics but I got a pedicure that morning and had my toes painted the same shade of blue. I'm cute like that.

As usual there were a few mishaps and a few friends dissapointed me but those there were there TOTALLY made up for it.

I literally got everything I needed. I am blessed. And that is all.

In A Few Days

2010-04-16T07:56:00.002-04:00

My brother sent me a text message yesterday while I was at work.

He said that his heart was broke. My mother has hurt him deeply.

I can manage to deal with my own pain but it's hard for me to see those around me effected by her careless actions.

In a few days my brother will be headed back to California and then on to Afghanistan.

In a few days my brother will be gone and my parents have yet to see him durning his month long visit.

Tomorrow is my baby shower. I am finding a way for my youngest brother (who still lives at home) to get there.

He asked my dad to take him but my dad's response was that he didn't want to go.

He asked my mom but she claimed to be working that day.

I call bullshit. To the whole situation.

In a few days my only family will pack up and get on a plane. I am already sad and he hasn't left yet.

He had taught me how important sibling are in your lives.

I never realized it until recently. When life gets rough it is important to have them by your side.

TKW left this comment on one of my posts "Friends are the family you can choose."

Thank you all for being that. In these next few weeks I know my emotions continue to flucuate.

That's just how it is. In a few days my baby brother will be hundreds of miles away from me.

But we have never been closer.