She rubbed my belly, fetched things for me and grabbed baby things whenever we went to the store.
When Kobi was born she was first to hold him after me and daddy. She has helped wash him, clothe him, entertain him, push him in the stroller and even feed him.
I have done everything in my power to keep her as involved as possible. Being home with them made it easy for me to balance between the two.
But then I went back to work.
At first I didn't notice a change.
It could be because I was so worried about pumping enough breast milk I didn’t take time to notice the little signs.
The first sign was her wanted to sleep in the bed with me again.
This has always been one of those “things” we’ve struggled with. I allowed her but made her sleep on the other side of me as to not roll on the baby (even though I use a co-sleeper).
The next incident was her randomly crying about random things. When I asked her what was wrong she told me she didn’t want our house to burn down.
A few days later we all went to Kobi’s doctor’s appointment and once we left to get lunch she broke down in the back of the car but could give us no reason.
A few days later the same but this time we were with her grandmother.
She then finally opened up.
“Mommy doesn’t talk to me only Kobi and Daddy doesn’t play with me just Kobi and all he does it tell me to hush while Kobi is sleeping.”
I think I heard my heart actually shatter into tiny little pieces.
This is the whole reason I questioned having another child. Because I didn’t want to put her through THIS.
I don’t want her to ever feel as if she’s on the back burner. I know that change has to happen in her life but I didn’t want it to be too drastic.
I guess that’s asking too much.
I try to put the baby to sleep and then just focus on her. Whether it’s watching her favorite show with her or just listening to her tell me a crazy story.
But is it enough. I’m afraid of what I may be doing to her. It’s always just been the two of us and now I’ve added another child.
It’s totally my fault and now I’m trying to balance the two.
I just don’t know how.....
It's a work in progress. I felt the exact same way. It just pulled at my heartstrings so!
ReplyDeleteLooks like that AG trip will come just in time?
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be rough until Kobi is somewhat self sufficient and until Lael gets to see how much fun he can be when he can start to interact with her. For now, all she sees is how much work goes into caring for him and he's not as fun as she was imagining he'd be.
The fact that you recognize what is happening is half the battle.
No matter what you do, she is bound to feel a little bit of sibling jealousy. It is normal. Going from 100% of the attention being on her to having to share it with Kobi (whom she no doubt loves very much) is a big adjustment. It's not easy for her to understand why she constantly have to be the "big" sister and take a back seat when the baby cries or needs attention.
ReplyDeleteDon't stress too much over it. Continue to be loving with her... spend Mommy-and-Lael time together whenever you can. Hope it gets better. :)
Completely normal, and completely depends on the kid. My oldest really struggled, my middle daughter not so much. But if I have another one, I think Sophia's earth might be shattered!
ReplyDeleteRead Siblings without Rivalry. Great book. Gives some great perspective on how to deal with this in a way that will help Lael (and Kobi, when he's older!).
Totally normal. One thing that helped w/ my oldest was to pull our some baby photos and from time to time tell 'when you were a baby' stories relevant to the topic. So maybe tell a story about what kind of sleeper she was --a better/worse one than K. A whole ton of "my favorite thing when you were his age was..." I may have embellished a tale or two, but I use it a lot now when my 6yo complains about her 2yo brother's this or that. "When *you* were 2 you used to..."
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, lady. Even though Miles and Asher are closer together, we went through some really terrible times of adjustment. I honestly didn't believe it would get better. I didn't. But it is.
ReplyDeleteAnd as that boy grows, so will Lael, in the best possible ways. She'll know she's loved first and that the world doesn't revolve around her, second. We all need to learn that, even if it's painful. You can only do so much to balance your time with both, and you're trying. Talk to her about all of that, how life and family works and she will get it. If not now, she will someday. She knows you're crazy about her, I just know it.
This is one of the hardest things of parenting, but it all works out eventually. Don't be too hard on yourself. Have regular one-on-one time with Lael and she will come around. Trust me!
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