Where did the time go?

So the last time y'all heard from me Kobi had just turned 1. Well now he's creeping up on 18 months. Lael just turned 8 and I recently hit the big 30. Life has been overwhelmingly busy. I'm taking two college courses and juggling work, sports and everything else that comes along with motherhood. I'm very happy but just too busy to enjoy it sometimes. I know all my hard work will be rewarding some day. I miss you all. I miss reading your stories and laughing at your comments. I'm ready to be back. I'm not really sure how I stopped. It's like a part of me has been missing the past six months or so. Time flies by.

I'll be back soon with pictures and stories. Soon, I promise!

Emotions

Hi friends.

I know it's been a while. I have missed you. The whole 5 of y'all that still read my abandoned blog.

Life has been a whirlwind and I can't seem to steady myself. Lots has happened in the past few weeks.

Let me break it down in no particular order.

Mother's Day: It was a great day. I pretty much stayed home and relaxed. Hubby made me breakfast in the morning and that afternoon we had a picnic with the kids where we were almost attacked by pigeons for our lunchables (classy aren't we?). Later hubby made me dinner. It was lovely except the part where I spoke to my mother. It was great to hear her voice and I sure do miss her. I haven't seen her since December and she lives like 30 minutes away. But that's beside the point.  We chatted for a while and I asked her about my youngest brother.  I hadn't heard from him in about a month. He’s usually good about calling every few weeks and is always on Facebook obsessively. Well I found out why he's been so quiet.

My brother is in jail: My throat closes up just typing that. He is 19 and is the sweetest boy at heart but can't manage to stay out of trouble. He is being charged with some really serious crimes and my heart feels like it's literally breaking. 

I got promoted:  If you’ve read my blog for a while you know that I’ve tested quite a few times with no success.  I was starting to think it would never happen.  Traditionally the results would come out in June for those that scored high enough.  However, I got promoted under a different program.  Basically they do a narrative write up of your career and submit it to a board.  The board picks the ones that they thing are hot shit and they get promoted immediately.  Yes.  Apparently I’m hot shit.  I got a phone call on Tuesday night at home from a 2-star general telling me that I had been selected.  I had to scramble to get new stripes sewn on my uniform but I managed. It’s still unbelievable.  It also comes with a pay raise (around 300 bucks a month I think) so that’s awesome.

My supervisor is retiring: Ugh.  I’ve only been here 8 months and she’s leaving me.  We technically she’s moving across the hall in a non-military position but still the same, she’s leaving me.  This means that I have to take on her duties until they replace her.  Unless they decide I’m the one to replace her because I just got promoted.  Which means they may find someone to replace me.  Which means I will be a supervisor.  Which means OHMYGOD don’t have enough to do already?

I started writing this post yesterday and I was going to tell you all how my dog has been sick.

Well between yesterday and today she has passed away.

My dog died: I had my Cockapoo (Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix) dog Princess since the summer before I started 10^th grade.  That means I’ve had her just about 15 years.  That’s a long life for a dog.  My dog.  She recently picked her leg and it became a sore.  We cleaned it and wrapped it but she kept picking at it.  We took her in yesterday and for some reason she had developed and infection in her leg which is why she kept picking at it.  It must have been painful.  Between her losing her eyesight, her hearing and just being plain old they decided it would be in her best interest to put her down.

And so it was done.  It’s amazing how quickly the whole process went.  They vet hospital team was very professional and very sweet.  They thanked me for taking such good care of her and bringing her in so that she wasn’t in pain.  But it makes my heart sad.  I can’t remember her NOT being around. And now I look at her water bowl and her leash and feel like a part of our family is missing.

You don’t realize how much animals are a part of your family until you lose one of them.  We haven’t told Lael yet.  She knew Princess wasn’t feeling well and she had been spending time in daddy’s man-cave.  She hasn’t asked about her and I think I’ll wait until next week when we pick up her ashes to tell her.  She’s going to be devastated.  Do y'all remember how she was when Boots died?  Exactly.

Kobi will be 1!:I am full of so many emotions and on top of everything my baby will be one on Saturday.  How did this happen?  How could y'all have let this happen??

I am excited for his party but sad at the same time.  So many things are going on.  I find myself daydreaming more than usual.  I just need things to slow down.  Just a bit.

The Holidays Kicked My Ass....

.....and my computer.

It's dead. I've had no e energy to type up a whole post with my thumbs on iPod or BB.

As I sit here thumbing this, I am in my pjs. I have been since Saturday. I mean I did shower and put new ones on but I haven't left the house.

I go back to work Wednesday and have no intentions of putting on real clothes before then.

Christmas was nice and quiet over here. Lael got everything she wanted (minus the hamster) and
that was all I cared about. Santa even dropped off a few things for D and Kobi.

We ate leftovers, played XBox Kinect, took naps and ate some more.

I hope your holiday has been filled with laziness like mine has. Well, only if you like that sort of thing.

**I can't post pics for a while but when I do it'll be worth
it.**

The Dreamhouse

Every year there is that one hot Christmas item that drives me crazy.

The past few years have been especially difficult because, well, we’re broke.

I mean I know we are ALL broke but I’m broke broke.

So you can imagine my pain when Lael and D both put the Barbie Dream Townhouse on their lists last year. It was around $145.

If you remember, we ended up getting both of the girls DSI’s so the Barbie house didn’t make the cut.

So, naturally when Lael gave me her list this year that damn house was on the top of the list again.

Then I was torn. Torn because it was on her sister’s list again.

Then I told my brother about it.

Him being the hero that he is (figuratively and literally) , he decided to help me pay for it.

I decided to leave the guilt behind me because the fact it Lael deserves it and I’m going to make sure she gets it and deal with everything else later.

So then began the hunt.

Apparently Wal-Mart sold it for $125 but they were sold out.

Target had it going for $130 but they were sold out.

Toys R Us had it in stock but for $179.

Amazon had it in stock for $159.

Damn. I obsessively checked these websites over the last few days waiting for them to restock or put them on sale.

So after talking to my brother I decided to order from Amazon before they ran out.

I went online to order but decided to check Target one more time.

Guess what?

They had them in stock. And on sale.

On sale for $123. And get this: FREE SHIPPING!!!

But it gets better.

I remembered that Lael’s godfather had sent her a $50 gift card so I applied that and my brother only had to pay around 80 bucks.

I feel like I just made Target and Mattel my bitches.

Even though I didn’t.

But if feels like it.

The point is I’m going to have one happy little girl on Christmas morning. (or later depending on the delivery date which ranged from Dec 21st-Jan 6th)

And because I awesome l’m gonna give my brother all the credit.

I know, I’m like a saint or something.

And All I Got Was This Stinkin' Picture

Let's take a look at this picture:

-I believe it is the first time my husband has taken a picture with me and the kids at the same time.

-Pay no attention to the animal that I am passing off as hair

-Lael was drugged and it took 10 minutes just to get that smile

-She also refused to let me do her hair so she wore that hat the entire night

-My hair appears to be eating half of D's face.  I promise it didn't.  At least not that much.

We really had a great Thanksgiving.  Lael was able to bounce back for a little while and managed to nibble on a bit of food.

I hope each and everyone of you was able to enjoy your family time even if you got a horrible picture out of it.

Weekend Recap~Veteran’s Weekend

It was a nice long weekend. We had off Thursday for Veteran’s Day and my office gave us off Friday as well.

My hubby’s BFF came in town from Kentucky so I spent Wednesday night and Thursday scrubbing my house down.

I’m not really sure why since they spent the whole weekend in the “man-cave”.

Friday I went to breakfast with my boss and then had a doctors appointment. Afterwards I took a nap and spent the rest of the day lounging in my pj’s.

Because that was so much fun I did the same thing on Saturday.

I finally got to watch Avatar. That took me the whole night to watch. I don’t think I’ve ever paused a movie so much in my life.

Yesterday Kobi turned 6 months. (I’ll put up his 6 mth post tomorrow) I am happy and sad at the same time.

You guys have been there from the beginning. How is this possible?

We had D this weekend so me and the MIL took the kids to see Tops and Blue.

It was pretty cool.

The kids loved a Lady Gaga bit they did.

The car ride was pretty much horrible.

Kobi does NOT do well in the car.

I don’t know what it is. I feed him, change him, make sure he’s dressed properly but he screams.

Suggestions?

I spent last night indulging in my favorite shows. I tried to watch Palin’s new show on TLC because Marinka felt it was our duty as Americans.

I didn’t get past the first 15 minutes. I mean seriously. Who can sit that close to a bear and not shit themselves?

Happy Monday peeps!

His Story

I am surrounded by other mothers on a daily basis.

Every one of us has our own story.

Some of us have had it easy.

The fairytale story. Great family, great schools, college, marriage, kids, etc.

Not necessarily in that order.

Some of us have had a more bumpy road.

When I sit on the sidelines at soccer with the other moms I sometimes wonder what happened in each of their lives.

Lives that landed us in the same place at the same time.

I look at the one little boy who can sometimes be OUT OF CONTROL but his parents love him some terrible. I look at them. An older couple.

The lady petite and quiet. The husband large and loud.

They seem so opposite yet so happy. What’s their story I wonder.

There’s the one little blonde girl who is clueless on the field. Her mother doesn’t yell from the sidelines for her to “kick the damn ball already”, but instead has her water bottle ready when it’s break time. She gives her a big hug and tells her how she’s doing such a great job.

Then there the brother and sister. Lael has taken to the sister. They were in Cheerleading together so they are like magnets to one another.

But the brother. There is something a little different about him.

He’s quieter than the others. He runs a little different.

I talk to the mom at every practice but I don’t dare ask.

But yesterday she shared her story with me.

Her story of how her precious baby was born when she had already had a 1 and 3 year old. How she couldn’t get her baby to eat.

How her baby threw up lime green. Stomach acid.

Her baby slept all day.

She took him in at 3 weeks and tried to have her committed for abuse.

They soon learned that her precious boy was allergic to food. Her milk. Formula.

He pretty much starved for the first 6 weeks of his life.

Until they figure it out.

Because of that he has complications.

Things that will be with him always.

My heart hurt for this mom. But I was also proud of her.

Even though he ran with a limp, she didn’t exclude him.

The kids tend to back off when he has the ball, to give him a chance.

I noticed the coach held Lael back yesterday when her boy had the ball.

I didn’t mind.

I knew there was something special about this little boy.

And now I know why we all cheer just a little bit louder when he scores a goal.

Because this is part of his story.

Weekend Recap~Birthday/Halloween Edition

It’s Monday and I am exhausted. I got no rest this weekend. Big surprise.

I took off of work Thursday and Friday so I started my weekend early.

Thursday I got up and headed to Lael’s school. We went on a field trip to a local bookstore where a children’s book author came to read a few of his bat books to them.

After the trip we headed back to the school where Lael shared cupcakes with all her friends to celebrate her birthday.

Friday (Lael’s actual birthday) we got up early for a 7am dentist appointment. I know. I’m an AWESOME mother. Hey, she was out of school that day so I had to take advantage of it.

The original plan was for her to get sealants on her molars. However, after she gagged a few times while they were trying to get x-rays, they decided a cleaning and flouride would do it for the day.

Later that evening we headed to Lael's school for the Annual Halloween Ball. Oh the cute. I mean, come on. It was almost too much for me to handle. And you wouldn’t believe the squeals that I heard when the DJ played Justin Beiber’s “Baby”. Hilarious.

Saturday morning we got up early again and headed to Lael’s soccer game. Her games were usually at 10 but this one was at 9. I don’t know if it was because of the time change or the fact that it was only 40 degrees out but the kids sucked. I mean we kick ass in every game but they sucked bad.

Lael got a bloody lip in the first 10 mins and hit in the eye with the ball in the last 10. And the 20 in between were just horrible. The kids couldn’t wait for their turn to be benched so they could put their coats back on.

Right after the game we headed home to get ready for Lael’s costume bowling party. Fun. Fun. I’m so tired, but oh the Fun! The kids bowled, told scary stories, ate pizza and cake and I sent their cute little asses home.

Grandma took the girls with her after the party so me, hubby and Kobi went home and crashed.

Yesterday I woke up and ate leftover cake for breakfast. It was really that kind of weekend.

I headed out to the store with a friend to get some baby shower decorations. We spend most of our time driving around letting the GPS get us lost and then being stuck in traffic.

By the time we got home, there was just enough time to get Lael to Burger King, come home to eat it and get ready for Trick or Treating.

I got Kobi and her ready and we were out. It was freezing! Wind and all. After about an hour and a half we called it quits.

We were home by 7:30 and I had Lael in the bed with teeth brushed by 9. And then she was up crying about ghost at 9:30. And then she was up again at 10:30. And again at 11.

And here I sit at my computer at work. Just glad to be sitting.

Happy Monday!

Weekend Recap~Lions and Jogging

It’s Monday again already.  I don’t feel too bad because I only work until Wednesday this week.

I took off to go to Lael’s class on Thursday to chaperone a field trip and take cupcakes to celebrate her birthday.

Mah baby will be 7 on Friday.  I’m not ready to accept that so….moving on.

This weekend I launched Operation Run My Ass Off.  It went pretty well except for the fact that I have the miles in my iPod and the computer says it transferred to my Nike account but it’s not showing up.

That’s kind of annoying.

So I got up at 8am on Saturday. Bundled little man up in his jogging stroller and we hit the waterfront trail.

It was all sorts of awesome.  I think he enjoyed it more than me.

When I got back it was time for Lael’s soccer game.

She scored 3 goals. She’s awesome like that.

Afterwards we relaxed until it was time to go to our neighbors Halloween Party.

The kids showed up in their costumes and played games like find the skull (like Easter egg hunting), pin the wart on the witch, and made candy necklaces that were shaped like little bones.

Kobi fell asleep and I was ready to go home when I found out the party was actually a sleepover.

Lael practically ran me over trying to go home to get her pj’s and toothbrush.

Hubby figured since we were practically alone he would take advantage of me.

Too bad me and Kobi were sleep by 9:30.

Party animals we are.

Sunday, I tried to sleep in. But the guilt ate away at me and I got up and strapped on my sneakers and hit the jogging path again.

I just really wish it would update. Of course I’m too lazy to try to figure it out. I mean. What are husbands for?

I spend the rest of my Sunday, cleaning and doing laundry.

Did anyone watch Desperate Housewives last night?  Doesn’t Paul creep you the hell out?

Anyway, I have to make a few phone calls about Lael’s party this Saturday.

Obviously, parents have forgotten how to RSVP these days.  I mean, seriously, I sent an E-vite.  Click yes, or no. 

Happy Monday!

Train Of Thought

Sometimes I get to a point where there is so much going on I sit and stare.

I can’t seem to focus on one thing at a  time.

I’ve been worried that Lael has ADD.  How do you know if your child is a child or if your child has a problem.

Her birthday is next Friday and so I have to plan her party.

Except I can’t get the people to RSVP.

Which is a problem because they won’t be able to just “show up” because they won’t be able to get on base.

In addition to that, my hubby thinks that sex is the answer to everything.

My response to that is eww.

The thought of sex grosses me out.

Obviously I have issues and should probably talk to someone about it but who has time to schedule an appointment?

Halloween is next week, which means Thanksgiving is around the corner which means Christmas is almost here which means omfg how is Christmas almost here.

And I need to buy a new tree.

And rob a bank to afford the shit the kids will probably want.

And shit, I need to buy Thanksgiving and Christmas outfits for the girls.  Shit. I forgot I have a baby so I have to get him an outfit too.

Did that bank get robbed yet?

Also, we have mice at work so I’m on edge.

I should not have to work under these conditions!

Also, I have not bought Lael anything for her birthday, you know, the one that’s next week.

Kobi is nursing fine but hasn’t been taking a bottle from hubby lately. I wonder if that’s a problem.

I have to take my PT test next month and haven’t started running yet.  This could pose a problem.

Some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas Lael will have her tonsils and adenoids taken out.

I need to go pump but I’m afraid I might see a mouse.

I can deal with a lot of shit, but that will break me.

Kinda like doing homework with Lael last night.  I almost lost it.

Like flying off the handle.

Maybe I’m the one with ADD…….

Weekend Recap

My weekend started off early Friday. Because my birthday was Thursday my office let me leave Friday at noon.

Wasn’t that sweet of them?

I spent Friday afternoon lounging around and eating my weight in chocolate chip cookies that my supervisor baked for me.

I got up early Saturday and decided it was time for Project cleanthisdamnhouse.

During that process I dusted off my Dollar Tree scarecrows and plastic pumpkins and set my sofa table up with cute fall decorations.

Later that afternoon, my father-in-law came up and took us all bowling on base to celebrate our birthday’s.

Yes. Birthday’s.

Hubby turned 35 on Saturday. ( I meant to write him a birthday letter but it would just say blah blah, I love you, blah)

I know.

He’s old as dirt. I never thought I’d be married to an old guy. Go figure.

So anyway, I got whipped in bowling by everyone (including Lael).

That was lots of fun.

Because bowling took up so much energy I spend Sunday in bed watching cheesy Lifetime and Hallmark movies.

I doesn’t get any better than that.

Yesterday, I peeled myself out of the bed and did laundry and stuff.

I know, my life is sooooo exciting.

That is what holiday weekends are for right? Eating, lounging and watching bad tv right?

On another note, this morning I watched Lael walk to her bus stop and something seemed to grab her attention.

Actually, something seemed to have scared her half to death.

She was walking so far away from our neighbors house, she was practically walking in the street.

When she finally passed their house she kept looking behind her like something was coming after her.

I couldn’t figure out what had her bugged out so bad.

When I left to head to work this is what I saw:

I would bet my lunch money she’ll be walking home on the other side of the street today.

The Wig

Yesterday I took Lael shopping for her Halloween costume. I knew ahead of time that it was going to be torture, but in reality it was way worse than that.

We’ve had the Costume Express magazine for a few weeks now. We’ve looked through it numerous times as well as looking on the computer at different websites trying to figure out what she wanted to go as this year.
In the past (in chronlogical order) she’s been a Ladybug, Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, a cheerleader, and a Japanese Princess.

We’ve managed to stay away from anything “scary” but I’ve never pushed a particular costume on her.

I had a gut feeling that this year would be bad because it’s never taken this long for her to figure out what she wanted to be.

Initially she told me she wanted to be Hannah Montana.

I have many issues with this.

1. All the Pop Star costumes look a little slutty to me including Hannah's.
2. She would have to wear a blonde wig
3. Blonde wigs don’t go very well with little black girls especially mine (just sayin’)
4. Seriously?

So when she told me this, I did what any mother in my situation would do.

I told her they didn’t have it in her size.

I know. I’m going to hell.

So fast forward to yesterday. We were in this cool Halloween store filled with hundreds of costumes.

She walked past the butterflies, light up fairies, the princesses and the skeletons. Over and over we walked in circles around the store.

I started to sweat. I was slowly becoming frustrated.

Then she spots it.

The one:

Because obviously she wanted to channel her inner hooker.

After I threw up a little in my mouth, I talked her out of it.

As we made our way down the accessory isle, she spotted the Hannah Montana wig.

I can’t describe the squeal that came out of her mouth.

I can't describe the cry that came out of my mouth.

At that point costumes didn’t matter. All that mattered was The Wig.

At one point I actually threatened her that it would be The Wig or a costume not both.

Naturally she chose The Wig.

See how that came back to bite me in the ass?

Then the tears started. She didn’t care what costume she got as long as The Wig went with it.

That is how we ended up with this:

Can you imagine my brown skin baby, in a Vampire costume with a blonde Hannah Montana wig? 

I'll give you a moment to picture that.

Once I got home and she tried it on I was almost in tears myself.

I know it’s just a wig and I should get over it but do yall know me at all?

My hubby was able to convince Lael to keep The Wig for dress-up but not to wear with her costume.

Where was he when I was in the store having a damn near hostage negotiation with her?

Fuck The Wig and Hannah Montana.

Life In A Hurry

Hurry up and get out of bed

Hurry up and get in the shower

Hurry up and get out the shower

Hurry up and get dressed

Hurry up a brush your teeth

Hurry up your gonna miss your bus

Hurry up and do your homework

Hurry up you’re gonna be late for practice

Hurry up and eat dinner so you can finish your homework

Hurry up and FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK

Hurry up and get in the shower

Hurry up and get out of the shower

Hurry up and get in the bed

Repeat.

Life can be rushed at times. Going through our day to day routines I lose time…..

I miss her.

This weekend we will take all the time we need to just be.

Tummy Time Torture

I got a phone call at work yesterday from my husband.

He bitched about me not being at my desk when he had called earlier and asked what I was doing.

I bitched right back and explained that I don’t sit at my desk all day (I was probably at the snack bar) waiting for him to call, I was busy.

Well he interrupted my snide remarks with this.

“I just wanted to let you know your son crawled today, and you missed it, but if you’re too busy….”

This was followed by much silence.

I may or may not have cried a little…or a lot.

Once I pulled myself together I told him to give me every detail. What mat was he on? What was he wearing? Was his diaper full?

Ok, so maybe I didn’t ask him those questions, but still. Mah baby.

Naturally I went home for lunch and immediately flung put him on his belly.

He lifted up on his knees and then guess what he did?





He rolled over and laughed.

He was mocking me.

I can already tell he’s going to have his father’s sense of humor.

Anyway, we played that game a few more times before he got cranky and I picked him up.

I eventually had to go back to work and I spent the next few hours plotting ways I could get him to crawl for me.

Once I got home I got this video of him.








See that little smile. He knows what he’s doing to me.

Before I went to bed my husband came to talk to me.

I explained that I spend all night making Kobi suffer on his belly and all I got was a stinkin’ video.

He then looked at me and said, “I’ll let you know when he start’s crawling.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Oh, he didn’t really crawl, I was just fucking with you.”

He slept with both eyes open last night.

Things I’ve Learned This Week (And it’s only Wednesday)

In no particular order…..


-I will never get enough sleep. Ever.

-No matter how old they get, males will constantly forget to flush the toilet.

-In addition to flushing, they will also forget to put the seat down, I learned that the hard way.

-Apple Juice molds quickly in a thermos that been left at school for 5 days.

-The baby will trick me into believing he will only wake once at night and when I get used to that idea he will stab me in the back by waking up at 2, 4 and 5 this morning.

-Apparently I’m responsible for keeping up with all my things and knowing what Lael did with all her things as well. Also, I’m expected to be psychic.

-The only time I will have to myself is between 6 and 6:30am. I have learned that it is totally worth getting up early to savor these minutes.

-I haven’t done enough kegels (take that however you please).

-I have no friends (irl) to rescue me. I have 2 friends and they are in NJ and Germany. I am fucked.

-The baby is skilled enough to throw up and manage to get it IN my mouth.

-I am officially a soccer mom. You know the kind that threatens to beat her kid if she doesn’t kick the damn ball. She’ll score 3 goals which makes the sore throat totally worth it.

What things have you learned this week so far? I can’t be the only one.

Please tell me I’m not.

Cloning Myself's Always An Option

I’ve been totally out of it lately.

I thought I had got the swing of things once I started back to work.

I’ve spent the past 6 years being the parent of one kid and then for shits and giggles threw in another.

The thing is I’m not an organized person.

Seriously. It’s bad.

I thought I had my shit together, but then school started back up.

And then soccer started.

And gymnastics will start.

And I’m out of shape.

Note: I totally started P90X and then quit because, seriously, who has time to work out AND watch tv?

Here’s a rundown of my schedule:

6:15-6:20: Get out of the bed with the baby

6:30: Wake Lael up, give baby to hubby, shower

6:45: Take baby back from hubby (because he needs to snooze), get dressed, get Lael together

7:15: Send Lael off to the bus, nurse the baby

7:20: Leave for work (I walk)

7:30-11:30: Work (pump once)

1130-12:30- Walk home for lunch, nurse the baby, walk back to work

12:30-4:30: Work (pump once)

4:30-Walk back home

4:45-Nurse baby

5:00-Help with homework

5:30-6:30-Soccer on Mondays and Wednesdays

6:00-7:00-Finish homework if needed/Dinner

7:00-7:30-Nurse baby/

8:30- Get Lael into bed

After I get Lael in the bed I try to get dishes done, pack her lunch, wash bottles, blah blah blah.

I am in the bed by 10 and I’m exhausted. I need to clean, vacuum, do laundry.

In addition to that I need to start working out, I’m room parent for Lael’s class, and I need to start studying for Tech (my next rank).

I need tips on how to make things work. There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day.

How do you guys stay organized and sane at the same time?

What I Say SHOULD Go

Being a parent can be hard. We all know this. Being a step-parent can be really hard.

There are always times when a child will try to play one parent against the other and more times when they try to play the grandparents against the parents.

But what am I supposed to do when the step-child plays the step-mom against the mother-in-law.

Pull my hair out is what I want to do.

Let me explain.

D is the first grandbaby. Naturally she will be the shining star. The fact that she isn’t here on a regular basis makes the spoiling that much worse.

She gets away with more than I see necessary from all parties involved.

But as she approaches 9 and Lael is learning habits from here I am becoming fed up with some of the behavior.

Quite often me and the kids will drive to the MIL’s house and stay the night. We’ll watch movies and order pizza and just enjoy each other’s company.

But mostly every time we are together at my MIL’s, D feels that she can do what she wants.

What doesn’t help is that my MIL doesn’t seem to notice that we are being played.

Case and Point:

I tell the girls to put on their pajamas and then they can play/watch a movie, etc.

I go upstairs and see Lael doing what I said but where is D? In her grandmothers room showing her how to brush her dolls hair.

I go in and tell her to do what I said. And do you know what happens next? Do ya?

My MIL tells me that she’s showing her something, turns around and tells her to finish what she was showing her.

What the fuck.

Another Case and Point:

My MIL bought white tank tops for the girls so they would have matching shirts for pictures. She bought 1 pack and since Lael needed new ones for the Fall I said that I would keep them so that I don’t have to buy any.

D’s mom never puts them on her so there would be no need for her to keep any. I made this point and D tried to argue with me that she does wear them. I shut her down and explained that in the almost 9 years that she’s been on earth her mother has NEVER send undershirts/tanks to go under her shirts.

I thought that was the end of it and told the kids to pack their bags and for Lael to put the shirts in her suitcase. Well a few minutes later they come down and my MIL says she gave D 2 and Lael 2.

I thought I had made myself clear. But apparently when they went upstairs D whined to my MIL about it and she gave her what she wanted.

It wasn’t about the shirts it was about not wanting Lael to have something that she didn’t have. I was pissed. So I went upstairs and put ALL of them in D's bag. I told Lael I would just buy her new ones.

Am I being sensitive because I thought it was kind of disrespectful. The last time I checked, I was the parent.

And being the parent, she should have done what I said first and then what she wanted to second.

Scenarios like this happened quite a few times between Sunday and Monday.

The thing is, I don’t have this problem with Lael. She knows better. It doesn’t matter what grandma or anyone else says. She’s gonna do what mom said first.

Is it D playing me? Is my MIL playing me?

I explained to hubby that is seems like whenever we are around her she forgets that I am the parent but more so with D not Lael. She hardly steps in when I’m correcting her.

I feel like because I am the step-mother I am not taken seriously and that she feels she has more of a say so than I do. Am I crazy?

What should I do?

3 Months Later

From the moment I found out I was pregnant Lael was completely on board.

She rubbed my belly, fetched things for me and grabbed baby things whenever we went to the store.

When Kobi was born she was first to hold him after me and daddy. She has helped wash him, clothe him, entertain him, push him in the stroller and even feed him.

I have done everything in my power to keep her as involved as possible. Being home with them made it easy for me to balance between the two.

But then I went back to work.

At first I didn't notice a change.

It could be because I was so worried about pumping enough breast milk I didn’t take time to notice the little signs.

The first sign was her wanted to sleep in the bed with me again.

This has always been one of those “things” we’ve struggled with. I allowed her but made her sleep on the other side of me as to not roll on the baby (even though I use a co-sleeper).

The next incident was her randomly crying about random things. When I asked her what was wrong she told me she didn’t want our house to burn down.

A few days later we all went to Kobi’s doctor’s appointment and once we left to get lunch she broke down in the back of the car but could give us no reason.

A few days later the same but this time we were with her grandmother.

She then finally opened up.

“Mommy doesn’t talk to me only Kobi and Daddy doesn’t play with me just Kobi and all he does it tell me to hush while Kobi is sleeping.”

I think I heard my heart actually shatter into tiny little pieces.

This is the whole reason I questioned having another child. Because I didn’t want to put her through THIS.

I don’t want her to ever feel as if she’s on the back burner. I know that change has to happen in her life but I didn’t want it to be too drastic.

I guess that’s asking too much.

I try to put the baby to sleep and then just focus on her. Whether it’s watching her favorite show with her or just listening to her tell me a crazy story.

But is it enough. I’m afraid of what I may be doing to her. It’s always just been the two of us and now I’ve added another child.

It’s totally my fault and now I’m trying to balance the two.

I just don’t know how.....

Getting My Groove Back

You know you have a friend for life when you mention your notebook having a virus and she fixes it for you....for free!

So now that I have my electronic baby back I'm ready to get back in the swing of things.

So much has happened in the last 2 months.  Just when I've settled us into a routine, it's time for that routine to change.

As of today, I will be back at work in 13 days. *SIGH*

I can say I will die if I have to leave my baby. But the truth is I will go to work because it's what I have to do to take care of my family.

As of now, Hubby will stay at home with Kobi.  That makes me a little itchy all over.  It's not that he isn't capable of caring for him but you know.  He's my baby!

****************
Now that I have my computer back I can share these pictures with you all.

Memorial Day

Baby Brother's Graduation

School Block Party

Gettin' Some Sun

First Swim Meet (She doesn't dive, she runs, in the water)

A New Challenge

So once again we had D for part of the summer. She's been here since June 11th. OMGsh she has been the biggest helper. She quick and willing to damn near breastfeed Kobi.

The problem? I forget about Lael.

I don't mean I forget her but I forget that it was her that watched my tummy grow everyday and all she talked about was being able to help with her brother.

Last night I lay in bed and Lael comes in my room. She starts crying and I had no clue what the problem was.

Apparently I've been overlooking her in the helper area. She told me how I gave her diaper job away to D (one that was hers tje first 3 weeks of his life). She said that I always ask D to help me and never her.

She's right. Just because D is quicker and older doesn't make it right.

D will be going home next week and then it will be Lael and Kobi again. She will be my only helper until Aug.

The challenge: Keeping them both involved without any hurt feelings.

Fun times are ahead.