Yesterday I took Lael shopping for her Halloween costume. I knew ahead of time that it was going to be torture, but in reality it was way worse than that.
We’ve had the Costume Express magazine for a few weeks now. We’ve looked through it numerous times as well as looking on the computer at different websites trying to figure out what she wanted to go as this year.
In the past (in chronlogical order) she’s been a Ladybug, Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, a cheerleader, and a Japanese Princess.
We’ve managed to stay away from anything “scary” but I’ve never pushed a particular costume on her.
I had a gut feeling that this year would be bad because it’s never taken this long for her to figure out what she wanted to be.
Initially she told me she wanted to be Hannah Montana.
I have many issues with this.
1. All the Pop Star costumes look a little slutty to me including Hannah's.
2. She would have to wear a blonde wig
3. Blonde wigs don’t go very well with little black girls especially mine (just sayin’)
So when she told me this, I did what any mother in my situation would do.
I told her they didn’t have it in her size.
I know. I’m going to hell.
So fast forward to yesterday. We were in this cool Halloween store filled with hundreds of costumes.
She walked past the butterflies, light up fairies, the princesses and the skeletons. Over and over we walked in circles around the store.
I started to sweat. I was slowly becoming frustrated.
Then she spots it.
Because obviously she wanted to channel her inner hooker.
After I threw up a little in my mouth, I talked her out of it.
As we made our way down the accessory isle, she spotted the Hannah Montana wig.
I can’t describe the squeal that came out of her mouth.
I can't describe the cry that came out of my mouth.
At that point costumes didn’t matter. All that mattered was The Wig.
At one point I actually threatened her that it would be The Wig or a costume not both.
Naturally she chose The Wig.
See how that came back to bite me in the ass?
Then the tears started. She didn’t care what costume she got as long as The Wig went with it.
That is how we ended up with this:
Can you imagine my brown skin baby, in a Vampire costume with a blonde Hannah Montana wig?
I'll give you a moment to picture that.
Once I got home and she tried it on I was almost in tears myself.
I know it’s just a wig and I should get over it but do yall know me at all?
My hubby was able to convince Lael to keep The Wig for dress-up but not to wear with her costume.
Where was he when I was in the store having a damn near hostage negotiation with her?
Fuck The Wig and Hannah Montana.