Lost Without Her

We all talk about how crazy our lives are. We all can't wait to get a break from the kids sometimes.

I am no different. I was super excited that Lael was going to her MaMa's for a few days.

And then those few days came. And I got lost.

No one to cook for. No one to tickle. No one to kiss my belly and tell it crazy stories.

No one to sneak in my bed. No one to snuggle with.

I quickly forget how my life has tranformed to form around this little girl.

I came home from work yesterday and watched tv in my bed all night. Don't get me wrong, there are tons of things that "need" to be done around here.

I just couldn't. Without Nick in th background or my little helper around to help put dishes away, I had no desire.

Damn I love this kid. Sometimes I'm afraid I love her too much. Just wait until Bubby gets here. I'm gonna be a mess!

My kids are my life. I do adore hubby, that's no question, but my kids keep me going.

I would be lost without them. I would be lost without her.

Question Of The Week

Hey yall!  So today is my last day of work until after Easter. Woot Woot!

I'm taking a few days off to hang with the girls and will probably go to some museums downtown and check out the Cherry Blossoms.

The past few months have been kinda crazy. 

Do yall remember back in Jan my neighbors house caught fire and they lost EVERYTHING.

That made me think hard about this weeks question:

If your home were to be totally destroyed by fire but you could save just one thing, what would it be?

Now I don't think your kids or pets count but an actual object.

I thought hard about this one and I would just grab Lael's baby book.  I think everything else could go.  We could rebuy those things but her baby book has so many things that cannot be replaced I would be devastated to lose it.

What about you?  Don't just read the question either.  Give me an answer people!

Also, I am going to start my own Project 365 where I take pictures everyday.  Anyone done that before?

What's the best way for me to do it? Start a Flick account and add it to my blog? Help.

8 Months

This is my belly as of 6:45 this morning.  It may or may not grow by the end of the day.  That's how it rolls.

As of Saturday I am in my 8th month.  Like for real.

Like I'm about to have another kid.  Like who let this happen? And why so fast?

Some days I can't wait for time to fly by and other's I can't figure out how they flew by so quickly.

I'm wierd like that thanksforasking.

My mood fluxuates between scared, to excited, to nervous, to anxious.

I spent a lot of time with Lael this weekend and I found myself getting sad.

Am I doing the right thing by giving her a sibling.  She has seemed more attached to me these days.

Will she be super jealous or will she fall right into the big sibling role?

What have I done!

She is really excited now but we all know how kids are.  They are all excited for their shiny new toys until they realize they have to clean them up.  Then, not so much.

It's times like these you need your friends and family to reassure you.

I have my friends but as far as family I'm still on the short end.

I know I told you guys about my situation with my mom.  But did I tell you she went to see Lael at school last week.  Yeah.  And did I tell you she had the nerve to pass a message through my child to me.

"Nana told me to tell you that she loves you."  I have no words for that.  Seriously.  I'm speechless.

I am totally not ready for Bubby.  I mean I DO have a carseat and I DO have a stroller and I DO have his bassinett and a few clothes.

Sure as hell hope these "friends" of mine come through at this baby shower because I need stuff. You know like diapers and wipes.

I guess I better get on the ball.

Oh well.

Happy Monday!

Question Of The Week

I think I was supposed to post this yesterday but ya know, it's my blog.

Ok, so this weeks question:

If you had to be trapped in a TV show for a month, which show would you choose?

Wheew! This one was hard for me.

I'm torn between Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives.

I mean seriously, to be young, rich and have careless sex.  Yeay.

But to be married with my kids, upper middle class and live on a street like Wisteria Lane.  Yeay.

But both have soooo much drama. So I'm not sure.

Maybe Brothers and Sisters.  I've always wanted a big family that was close.  But then again dearlordthedrama!

Ok, your turn. 

What show would you choose?

A Father's Not Always A Dad

I have been really thinking alot about fatherhood being pregnant with my boy.

Me and hubby have got the parenting thing down for girls but now that we are going to bring a man (well not originally, but you get the point) into the world, it's important that we do it right.

There are so many men out there that father children but don't show them what it is to have a dad.

I am optimistic that my husband will do just fine.

Originally posted on March 13, 2009

I haven't touched on fathering much on my blog. It's been on my mind for some time now but it's a really sensitive subject with me.

I didn't grow up in a normal household. My mother married her high school sweetheart, they got married he went in the army and then I was born. I witnessed a bad marriage, abuse, drinking, and overall violence. By the time I was 6 they were divorced. We moved away with my mom and we barely saw him.

He scared me. A child should not be scared of her father. My mom remarried when I was 8. I love my step-father. He adopted me at 14. My father over-nighted the paperwork to give up his rights. It hurt me. Many nights of sitting by the window with my bags packed waiting for him to pick me and my brother up. He never came. I didn't see or hear from him from the time I was 14 until I was 25.

He looked horrible. I saw him in court with my mom. Apparently the back child support he NEVER paid had caught up to him and he didn't want to pay. He had the nerve to drag my mother to court. He cried when he saw me. He asked about my husband and daughter. I told him I forgave him and that he is the one who missed out on a great daughter. He asked about Lael and I got angry. You will never meet my child I told him. You will never have the chance to hurt hurt as deeply as you've hurt me. She deserves the world.

A few months later I ran into him on the Metro. He spotted me and said hello. I said hello back. It was awkward. He got off at his stop and handed me something. It was an old picture of me from when I was 6. He said he's always carried it with him. Sad. I've always carried him in my heart. I just wasn't enough.

I heard he's been married since him and my mom divorced. To the same lady who he had affairs with. I've heard he has a few children by her. I just hope he was a better father to them than he was to me and my brother.

I don't give my husband enough credit sometimes. He drives me nuts and hasn't always done the things I've wanted him to. But one thing I know is that he's not just Lael's father. He's her dad. He gives her kisses and hugs every night. He makes sure he records her special shows. He buys her favorite snacks. He makes sure he buys the right bandaids for her. He always makes her laugh. He's a dad. Every child deserves a dad like him and watching him father her heals my own broken heart a little everyday.

The Party Don't Stop

Ok, so most of you know that I've been coaching little cheerleaders.

While it's been challenging and exhausing and well, you get the point.

But it was all worth it on Saturday when my little ones got out on the court and shook their tailfeathers!

Of course you see Lael is the only one on point. It may or may not be because I made her practice over and over and over again.

And if you look really close in the back you can see a fat whale (that would be me) controlling the music.

All the work the girls put into it was totally worth it.

I may be crazy enough to coach again next year....maybe.




Is this not the cutest crap you ever did see?

No?

If you don't think so you're obviously dead inside. Just sayin'.

Happy Monday!

A New Beginning

Lael came home from school yesterday and mysteriously forgot to give her teacher her folder so didn't have any homework.

I was too excited to be upset so I decided to take advantage of the 72 degree weather.

As I walked to the park it was amazing how differently things look without 2feet of snow.

Baby birds flying around.  Toddlers that I had not seen before were just big enough to walk freely at the park.

All the bigger kids ran wildly. Screaming.  Overwhelmed by the feeling of being let free.

My tulips are showing signs of sprouting.  The trees are ready for their brand new leaves.

I made me think about life's cycle.

We have 4 seasons here in DC.  And those seasons remind me how life is ever evolving.

Things get wild and crazy in the Summer.  They can sometimes blow around in the Fall.  Freeze over in the Winter. But in the Spring it starts all over.

It's like a new beginning.

Wipe your slates clean.

Leave behind whatever things you aren't proud of.  Things you woul like to change.

Spring is here. 

Open your windows.  Take a walk.  Dust off your camera.  Listen to the sounds around you.

Live your life.  Your new life.  Everyone deserves a new beginning.

Happy Friday my friends!