Sunday, August 9, 2009

Closed For Renovation

Dear Hubby,

Our child free week together was great.

We drank, shopped, and ate out. It was just like the good old days.

I found my inner freak. You embraced it. What more could we have asked for.

But then the kids came back. And you lost your damn mind.

When do I just jump in the car and drive away and come back a few hours later.

No clue where you went or what you were doing. I don't even care. All I know is you have it easy.

Mom's don't get to just up and go. Me, however, being the good wife that I am, let it go.

It is an unspoken rule that I am the keeper of the kids and you are the keeper of the dogs.

While children were away, I slaved away cleaning the house and shampooing the carpets.

So when your dogs come in and shake SHIT on my walls and carpet I send the bastards back outside and clean it up.

What I am not going to do under any circumstance is WIPESHITOFFYOURDOGSASS.

So when you come home looking for them and wonder why I did not I will look at you crazy.

I let that shit go to. But when I stepped out onto the deck to get some fresh air (because I'd been stuck in the house with YOUR children all day) and you thought it was funny to lock the door and close the curtains, my amusement ceased to exist.

You fucked up. Not just by locking me out there. But by leaving me out there for 30 minutes while my yummy KFC got cold.

I hope you remember all the good loving you got last week baby, because that shit is over.

The Vault will be closed for renovation.

Until further notice. Fucker.


  1. You go girl! Shut that amusement park down! No free rides in this house either!

  2. Sometimes they just don't get it.

  3. Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn. And it was a hot day today too.

    Here's a little song in his honor:

  4. Ahhh....Now that made me laugh and laugh, but I'm sorry for your misfortune :) Does hubby read your blog?? When I get mad like that I don't do anyyyything. No dinner. NO laundry. No nothing.

  5. Holy moly. I'm pretty happy I'm single at this moment

  6. I'm not sure whether to continue laughing until I pee my pants or offer you a shoulder to cry on. How appropriate that we listened to "Idiot boyfriend" earlier!! Love you <3

  7. O M G. It just gets better the more I read...


Those laughing with me...or at me.