Friday, March 13, 2009

A Father Is Not Always A Dad

I haven't touched on fathering much on my blog. It's been on my mind for some time now but it's a really sensitive subject with me.

I didn't grow up in a normal household. My mother married her high school sweetheart, they got married he went in the army and then I was born. I witnessed a bad marriage, abuse, drinking, and overall violence. By the time I was 6 they were divorced. We moved away with my mom and we barely saw him.

He scared me. A child should not be scared of her father. My mom remarried when I was 8. I love my step-father. He adopted me at 14. My father over-nighted the paperwork to give up his rights. It hurt me. Many nights of sitting by the window with my bags packed waiting for him to pick me and my brother up. He never came. I didn't see or hear from him from the time I was 14 until I was 25.

He looked horrible. I saw him in court with my mom. Apparently the back child support he NEVER paid had caught up to him and he didn't want to pay. He had the nerve to drag my mother to court. He cried when he saw me. He asked about my husband and daughter. I told him I forgave him and that he is the one who missed out on a great daughter. He asked about Lael and I got angry. You will never meet my child I told him. You will never have the chance to hurt hurt as deeply as you've hurt me. She deserves the world.

A few months later I ran into him on the Metro. He spotted me and said hello. I said hello back. It was awkward. He got off at his stop and handed me something. It was an old picture of me from when I was 6. He said he's always carried it with him. Sad. I've always carried him in my heart. I just wasn't enough.

I heard he's been married since him and my mom divorced. To the same lady who he had affairs with. I've heard he has a few children by her. I just hope he was a better father to them than he was to me and my brother.

I don't give my husband enough credit sometimes. He drives me nuts and hasn't always done the things I've wanted him to. But one thing I know is that he's not just Lael's father. He's her dad. He gives her kisses and hugs every night. He makes sure he records her special shows. He buys her favorite snacks. He makes sure he buys the right bandaids for her. He always makes her laugh. He's a dad. Every child deserves a dad like him and watching him father her heals my own broken heart a little everyday.


  1. My biggest fear is running into my father. No, scratch is running into my father with my kids. My father was AWESOME...until I was about 16. He is an alcoholic but I was always a daddy's girl. Lots of things changed though and I have not seen or heard from him in over 10 years. I don't know if he knows that I am married or has children but my stepfather is paw paw to my children and always will be. I am also very blessed to have a wonderful husband who is also a great daddy.
    hugs to you!


  2. It makes me so sad that there are parents that exist out there like that. I'm sorry you had to have one of them.

    How thankful I am for you to have a wonderful husband who is also a dad to Lael. It is so important!

  3. That was so beautiful. My girls also have a wonderful father and I feel as lucky a girl because I have an amazing husband.

    Thank you for sharing your heart.

    It opened mine up, too.

    I really appreciate that.

  4. Wow, that was such a bitter sweet post! I'm glad your daughter has a good dad!

  5. stooop it your makin me all teary eyed!!

    Thank you for being so open and sorry you had to go through that....i understand it all too well!!

  6. Wow. That was a really powerful post, beautifully written. The paragraph about your husband brought tears to my eyes and I don't even know you guys. My girls have a wonderful father, too, and I know that sometimes I take it for granted. I should let him know that he is appreciated, no, he is more than that.

    Thanks for this post.

  7. Oh lady, I've got chills and tears here because of HOW you said this. It was beautiful! How you turned from the honest feelings of your past to this respect and love for you husband now is just plain beautiful. Thank you for sharing this!

  8. Oh this post made my heart ache or you! I'm so sorry you didn't have a good experience with your Father growing up. Thank goodness you've been wise enough to stop the cycle though. It sounds like your husband is an excellent Daddy to your little girl.

    Thank you for sharing so openly!

  9. Girl, I feel ya.

    I honestly never knew what a dad was supposed to be until I met my husband...and saw the kind of step-dad he was to my son, and now the kind of daddy he is to our daughter.

    Have you ever heard that song "The Right Man" by Christina Aguilara? You have to listen to it. The song speaks to how I feel about my hubby, and I'm sure the way you feel about yours too. :)


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