Wednesday, March 3, 2010

For The Last Time

I wake up in the middle of the night and feel the little pounds coming from inside me.

I take a drink of water and rub my belly.  He repositions and then calms back down.

Other times I wake up to a starp pain.  It could be an elbow, a foot, who knows.

To have something you love so close to you but not be able to touch it is hard.

To see the little punches but not be able to kiss those little hands.

To feel the foot in your ribs but not yet be able to play with those toes.

It's a miracle.  I sometimes forget that.  That life is a miracle.

I complain about the pains, the big boobs, loss of balance, and many more complaints.

But the thing is.  I am blessed.  So many that would die to carry a baby.

To be able to experience the pains I speak of.  To have the connection that I have.

To love someone you haven't even met yet so much that it pains you.

I worried about my heart being big enough for more than one child.

How silly was I.  God gives you that.  I don't know when it happend.  Maybe right after I heard his heartbeat.

Maybe right after I felt the first flutter.

But it happened.  I am in love.  Just as much as I am with Lael. 

She was sick yesterday and stayed home from school.  I was lucky that I had taken off so I was able to care for her.

I feel blessed for that.

Though cleaning up puke and taking her temp wouldn't be my favorite pastime, I am blessed that she's mine and I get to do that.

I get to nurse her back to health.  My child.  I get to feed this baby in my belly and help him grow until he's ready to be born.

I am blessed.

So it kinda saddens me that this will be my last pregnancy.  I know that I can't afford to have more.  So I will treasure every kick, punch and jab he dishes out. 

I can't stand my desk job but realize my real job is the best one on earth.

Being a mom.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Damn it feels good.

11 comments:

  1. I love this! So real and so true. And it's great that you KNOW this is your last pregnancy so you can enjoy it - even when you feel like NOT enjoying it. Good for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a lovely post.

    Every so often my stomach will turn in just a way that it mirrors how E felt when she moved in me - it's my favorite feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You Rock. To be able to post something so sweet on day that you are the Vomit Cleaner is quite a feat! Hope she's better today! Miss M. is done vomiting...thank goodness.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautiful post. Just lovely. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. THIS is one of my favorite posts of yours EVER. See what happens when you're stuck at home with a vomit-child? Beauty can come from anything!

    (Hope she's feeling better!)

    ReplyDelete
  6. So true. So beautiful. How wonderful to recognize the beauty even in the hardship.

    Now I should probably go look at those darling boys of mine.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's such a blessing to be able to have a baby! I remember how excited I was to have my son. It's so wonderful to hear your words of appreciation for being pregnant! It will be so exciting once he comes out to meet the world and his new family! YAY!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well said, my friend. There is beauty even in the hard things.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great post and well said! I miss those moments and will always treasure them.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great post.... good way to it in perspective!!

    I remember when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Joseph (my 3rd son), and I had ALOT of problems..problems that kept me on bed rest most of the time-- well, CJ (my oldest) got very sick... 105 fever, flu-like symptons and chest issues. He was so sick that he could barely move/walk-around.
    So when we got the doctor, he couldn't walk in and needed me to hold him... Now, I was NOT supposed to be lifting anything because of the HIGH risk with all of my problems; but I did anyway-- and I remember thinking, I love this baby inside of me; but I have my big baby right now that needs me...
    Being mom can be very challening and interesting-- yet very rewarding!! :-)

    (wow, sorry for the long comment)

    ReplyDelete

Those laughing with me...or at me.