I woke up at 2:30 this morning with tears in my eyes.
The baby is fine (don't worry) but it's my heart that is in need of healing.
I tried to lock my feeling away. In a little box that I could open up when I was ready.
I guess the box opened up on it's own.
I am an only daughter. Even if I weren't I am a daughter. Her child. Their child.
How is it that I can be so easily dismissed.
How can anyone push the gift of a child to the side.
Recently I've learned of a friend of my hubby's infidelity.
With an 18 year old. He is probably 34 or 35. This child got pregnant.
She was sent away by her parents. She had the baby in a hotel, alone, on the bathroom floor.
She quickly wrapped the baby up. Left the hotel room and threw the baby in the dumpster.
The DUMPSTER. Threw her away, like garbage.
But that isn't the part that hurts me the most.
The wife found out about his affair and the baby. She forgave him. She was willing to make things work out.
The baby was placed in Foster Care until the invesigation is complete. The wife wants to get custody of the little girl and raise her with the rest of their family.
Last week she kicked the husband out of her house. Not because of what he did. But because.....
He doesn't want the baby.
Again. A child is dismissed. Tossed to the side.
That is how I feel. This baby is too young to know the damage that was done to her but I am not.
I don't know what my mother is doing. She won't call. I can't call her (remember she changed her number). She won't respond to my emails.
I thought I could let it go but deep down my heart is weeping.
And I need someone to take me out of the dumpster because I feel like I was thrown away.
Two decades later
18 hours ago