Wordless Wednesday

He's a mess. Literally.

That Mom

I am that mom.

I am that mom that loses control sometimes.

I am that mom that spoils her child.

I am that mom that’s over protective.

I am that mom care’s about her child’s appearance.

I am that mom that keeps her child involved.

I am that mom that will confront you.

I am that mom that chaperones field trips.

I am that mom that fills up your inbox.

I am that mom that does her research.

I am that mom that has military training.

I am that mom that believes in second chances.

I am that mom that will ride the school bus to make my child feel safe.

I am that mom that will NOT tolerate bullying

I am that mom that will rip your fucking head off.

I am proud to be THAT MOM…and I’ll see you on the bus this afternoon.

Wordless Wednesday

We went to a Princess Party a few weeks ago. They rolled out a red carpet and took shots of each of the girls. She cleans up well huh?

Sleep

If you all have been following my blog for a while you will know that I am not one of those moms that brought the baby home from the hospital and let them sleep in the bassinet or crib.

No.

I am the mom that attempts the crib or bassinet but am to chicken shit to follow through.

Lael slept in the bed with me until she was 5. 5 people. Who does that? That mean that when I finally decided to break her of it (at my husbands’ request/threats) she was old enough to tell me where to shove that idea.

But I did it. She is now 7 and still bargains her way into my bed on the weekends or school holidays.

Now enter Kobi.

I was DETERMINED to do things the right way this time. I started off great at the hospital. I would swaddle his little ass and put him in that hard plastic bassinet. When I got him home I followed through with it. And then he realized that my bed was more comfortable. Especially if he was in my bed snuggled under my armpit.

All it took was one night of sleep and he promptly turned his nose up to the bassinet. But he was too little for the crib (in my opinion). So what did I do? I let him sleep with me every night.

I know.

Around 5 or 6 months I tried to put him in his crib. I decided to “attempt” the Cry It Out method. That was bullshit (in my opinion). I just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy. It was not good, so back to my bed he came.

I decided to wait for him to get a little older. Finally at 8 months I decided to try again. He did much better. There wasn’t much of a fuss. He would sleep for about 3 hrs in there. Progress.

Initially I would put him to bed around 9:30. He would sleep until 1:00. After a few weeks I moved it to 9:00. He still slept until 1:00. Then I decided to get feisty and moved it to 8:30. He slept until 3:30. This went on for a few weeks and I was happy about the process. Of course each time he woke in the wee hours of the morning I would bring him into bed with me.

Then last month I decided that 8:00 was a better bedtime. I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. He went down easily but still woke at 3. That is until the second night in. He slept from 8-6. Non-stop. I couldn’t believe it.

That only happened once but since then I’ve stuck with our routine. Dinner, bath, bed. He knows the routine. Then a few nights ago he decided he didn’t like it anymore. Actually he decided he didn’t like sleep anymore at all. I don’t know if it was a growth spurt or his new tooth but things were getting ugly.

Down at 8, up at 11, then again at 2, then 5, then 6, then 7:30. The past few days had been U-G-L-Y.

Then we enter last night. I put him down around 8:30 and then I woke at 3 and he wasn’t next to me. He was still in his crib. Knocked out. I debated on letting him continue to sleep, but my throbbing boob decided he needed to eat.

I woke him and fed him and then changed him. Just when I was going to carry him to my bed I changed my mind. I decided to put him back in his crib.

I went back to bed around 3:30 and flipped though the tv for a few minutes.

Then I woke up at 7. I had fell asleep. Wait. Did Kobi stay asleep?

Yes. Yes he did.

Last night was the first night he did not sleep in my bed at ALL.

A girl could get used to this.

Flawed Mother

Lael’s been having a hard time lately.

The newness of having a baby brother has officially worn off. While she does love him and love playing with him, the jealousy bug has set in.

She’s been acting up lately and I’ve been coming down on her hard. I don’t even recognize the child she has been lately. Talking back, deliberately ignoring me, doing the opposite of what I tell her to, rolling her eyes, huffy breathing. I’m used to her showing out here and there but it’s been a little out of control.

My first thoughts are always, “it’s a phase”, but I thought a little harder about it this time. I had to figure out what was really bothering her.

Then the other night, I snapped. I had had enough. She pushed me to my limit and I spanked her. I haven’t spanked her in a very long time. I had given up on spanking. Swore it off forever.

I was wrong. While her actions were completely out of control, how were mine any better?

Later that evening we snuggled in bed and we talked. She cried about how everything is about Kobi. She explained how she was upset that she was the small cute one anymore. That she always has to be quiet because he’s sleeping. We can’t do certain things because Kobi is too small. Kobi, Kobi, Kobi.

She broke down in tears and my heart hurt. This is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen. I wanted her to feel the love of having a sibling at home full time. I wanted her to learn the responsibility of helping out.

I once again question my decision. Have I ruined her. She told me that she doesn’t want Kobi to get in the middle of our love and friendship. What do you say to that? I was speechless.

I need to do better. I am filled with so much guilt. If she only knew how much I love her. How nothing could ever take away the joy she has given me. How I am a better mother to Kobi because of what she has taught me.

She’s too young to understand now but I hope one day she will.

In the meantime, I hope she’s forgiving of me.

Moms are flawed too.

Wordless Wednesday

If you look close enough you can see the curl on Michael's forehead.  That picture is the best.

10 Months

Ten Months. That's two hands, ten fingers.

We had your 9 month checkup last week. You are 20lbs and 28 1/2 inches. Growing just like you should.

We saw the cardiologist before your pediatrician and you are in the clear. No more heart appointments. It's such a relief!

The last few weeks have been a blur.

You've learned so many new "tricks" in such a short time.

You can now shake your head "no". It's quite funny. I think you purposely do things you shouldn't just to hear me say "no" so you can shake your cute little head and smile at me.

You say "mama". Your dad argues that you aren't really saying it but you only say it when I am home.

You love peek-a-boo. Not like before when you giggled at me. Now you like to be the one doing the hiding. You lean your head down or put a blanket over your head then pop up real fast. I die from cuteness overload every time.

You are a champ crib sleeper now. I'm glad I waited for you to get older. You are set in your routine and you don't put up a fuss.

You are still nursing. Well, that's more of an accomplishment for me. Anyway, the problem is you have zero interest in a sippy cup. Zero.

You love Lael. Like seriously. Even more than you love her you love her hair. You have made pulling her beads your new favorite pastime. When I'm doing her hair you pick up the brush to help.

You love to eat. Anything. Everything. It's a challenge for me to eat around you. But I like that you aren't picky.

You are a speed crawler. The baby gate stays up 24/7. And now you've learned to climb on things. Dude. Slow down. There's time for that later.

You have brought so much joy to this house. Your laughter. The way you squeal when I come home. The way you mock the sounds I make.

I'm so in love with you. Especially how much you made me laugh during our photo shoot. You giggled every time the camera flashed.

Such a goofy goober.