So This Is Six

Another year has passed. 

You have grown just a little bit more.

You’ve learned so much, you’ve changed so much, you love so so much.

At six, you can do many things that I never imagined you could.

You can shower all by yourself.  I mean get a towel, turn on the water, turn the shower spout on just the right temp and actually shower.

You can dress yourself, brush your teeth without me having to inspect your job.

You can pour your own drinks. Unload the dishwasher, change the trash in the bathrooms.

You feed the dogs, clean up your own messes and tie your own shoes.

You make your bed, put away your laundry and sometimes mine!

You command attention when you walk in a room.  You are the class clown but also one of the smartest.

You have so many thoughts and you try your best to get them all out before it’s time for bed.

You are concerned about other’s feeling.  This trait will take you far in life.

You don’t mind being alone.  You play well with others but value having time to yourself.

You have such a vivid imagination and manage to sweep others around you into your world.

I am sad to see you grow so fast but at the same time am overly excited to see the young woman you will become.

You are the reason.

The reason for me.  I would not be the woman I am if it weren’t for you.

You have changed me in so many ways I will never be able to fully grasp.

Like we say every night. You are my favorite and my best.

I love you more than love itself.

Happy Birthday Ladybug!

And Then I Blinked

I remember when you wouldn't leave my side.

I couldn't go anywhere without you tagging along.

If I left the house for the store you would run outside barefoot to make me stop and wait for you.

You used to make me play with you at the park instead of playing with the other kids.

But something was different about you last Friday.

You held my hand all the way up to the school doors. 

But once we went inside and you spotted your friends, you were no longer mine.

You belonged to them.  Your group of best friends.

You danced with them.

You laughed with them.

You whispered secrects in their ears.

You held hands with them.

You chased them around.

They made you laugh.

I sat on the sidelines staying out of your way.

Far enough for you to have your space but close enough to see you at all times.

I don't know when you grew up.  I supposed it was when I blinked.

It was time to leave.  I was a little sad that I didn't have as much fun with you as I thought I would.

But the most important thing was that you had fun.

But before we left our favorite song came on.

I blinked again. 

Then you grabbed my hand.

You asked me to dance.

I picked you up and you laughed, you smiled, you squealed, and you whispered to me.

The words you said made me remember that though you have grown up you are still my baby.

"Mommy, I saved the best dance for you because you are my best friend."

Ditto baby. Ditto.

It's No Starbucks Or Dunkin' Donuts But It'll Do

When the weather starts to get cool I break out my coffee mug.

But Keyona, you may ask, I thought you didn't drink coffee?

Ha! I don't silly.  I use my pink Breast Cancer coffee travel mug for my Hot Chocolate!  Hubby has become all sappy and crap (it could be because I'm carrying his child) and brought it home for me a few weeks ago.

Awww...how sweet. Yeah. Ok.

So the problem?  I am so tired in the morning that I don't have time to make the Cocoa before I leave the house. 

But Keyona, you may ask, why not just get up a few minutes earlier?

Did you really just ask me that? Pfff!

Anyway, you would never guess what came via UPS yesterday afternoon after I got home from work.

Go on, guess.  Go ahead.  You will never figure it out.  Ok maybe you will but humor me m'kay?

Yes people.  You are looking at a Mr. Coffee Cocomotion Hot Chocolate Maker (no I did not make up the name).

Seriously!?

I didn't know such heavens exsisted.  You can bet your money that this puppy was cleaned and prepped for the next morning.

All I had to do was pour my milk in it this morning, push a button and pour it in my mug before I left.

If all I had to do was be pregnant to get such treasures from hubby I would have a couple of litters for him.

Ok, maybe not, but can you blame me for thinking it?

I Had This Conversation All Because Of Cartoon Network

Scene: Saturday evening in my home, my husband had let Lael watch and episode of King of The Hill ( I DID NOT APPROVE) and it had went off.  If any of you have ever watched Cartoon Network "after hours" there is a little sumin' sumin' called Adult Swim.  Yeah, you get the point.  So King of the Hill went off and this is what happened......

Me: "Lael, give me the remote so I can change the channel."

Lael: "Why mommy, does this show have blood in it, I will cover my eyes."

Me: "No, it just has words bad words in it."

Lael: "Well Spongebob has bad words in it and you let me watch it."

Me:  "Yes, well Spongebob has words I don't like but that show has bad words I don't even want you to hear."

Lael: "Oh you so Spongebob says words like the "S" word and the "D" word."

Me: "What are those words?"

Lael: "You know, Stupid and Dumb."

Me: "Yes, those are not good words to use, do you know any other bad words you shouldn't use?"

Lael: "Yeah, I don't say Fat, or Ugly, those are mean.  Also the "F" word."

Ok, this is where the conversation took a turn for the worse.  I didn't know what she thought the "F" word was.  I just knew for sure that when she said the "S" word she would say "Shit" but no, "Stupid" was her word of choice.

Me: "Oh, what's the "F" word?"

Lael: "Fuck!"

At this point I gasped, covered my mouth with both hands and did my best to cover up my giggles.  Mature. I know.

Me: "Lael where did you hear that?"

Lael: "Some of the big kids on the bus say: What the fuck is going on?"

Yes, I died a little.  Well ok, a lot.  She know not to use those words.

Thanks Cartoon Network, you  made my Saturday a whole fucking lot better.

My Shortest Post Ever

Guess who's gotten a "star" everyday this week?

Guess who finally filled up her "star chart"?

Guess who got the magic pencil yesterday?

Yeah, my kid kicks their kids asses.

That is all. 

Carry on now.

Who Will Care For My Child?

When I was younger I always pictured my life like a fairytale.

Beautiful house, white fence, pretty little dog, gorgeous husband and 4 beautiful children. 

I would get up and make breakfast, kiss the hubby and see him off to work.  I would clean house, arrange playdates and spend my free time with my children.

Totally not what I got.

When I got pregnant with Lael I thought I was going to get out of the military.  I did not.

It was a hard decision but I was able to care for her by staying in.

What I didn't expect was how hard it would be for me to take my teeny, tiny, 8 week old child to a DAYCARE!!

It was horrible.  I've never forgotten that feeling. I've carried it around with me for 6 years.  I was there for a lot but I missed a lot.  Things that strangers got to see my girl do for the first time.

How unfair is that?

I have now been in the military for 10 years.  No way I'm quitting now.  I'm halfway to retirement and half way to my degree.  Why quit?

But guess what?  I'm having another baby.  I think it's killing me more this time around that I won't be able to stay at home with my baby like so many women get to do.

I get it.  Being a SAHM isn't the coolest thing since sliced bread, but to me it would be.  I done the working mom thing and for the most part is sucks!

Not being able to attend all of Lael's school functions or field trips.  Sure I can send Dad, but it's not the same. And that little girl reminds me of that.

Hubby has been getting a lot of interviews lately but I'm going to tell you a secret.

I no longer want him to get a job.

Why you may ask? Why would you NOT want more money?

I'll tell you why.

Because if hubby continues to say home our baby will be home with him.  Safe. Secure. Loved.

No, it's not the same as me being there, but I'll take second best.

Would you?

The Meltdown Was Uncalled For

Dearest Almost 6 Year Old Child Of Mine,

What happened last night was one I would like to forget!

The screaming, the crying, the complete meltdown.  Really?

I promise I will behave myself next time.

I know I probably frightened you and you will forever be terrified of doing math.

Daddy will be taking over homework time from now on since I apparently can't control my emotions.

Even though you are now able to add 90+6 or 18+5 without a pencil and paper, ONLY USING YOUR FINGERS, at what cost?!

Have I ruined you forever.  Will you shiver and sweat when you see numbers from now on?

This morning as you brushed your teeth you told me. "Mom, I get it.  19+5=24!!" 

Yes, yes it is.  Dear lord what have I done?

My dearest, heartfelt, apology,

Crazy Hormonal Mommy

When I Needed It The Most

Wow. 

I get it.

I now fully understand how important it is to have the love and support of so many whether in person or over the Internet.

When I wrote my last post I had all types of feelings going through me.  But the one that consumed me was FEAR.

You awesome ladies (and guy) waisted no time sending me your support and kind words.  Thank you.  Even after I write the words, it just doesn't seem like enough.

I did have my Prenatal Orientation last Wednesday.  It was a very long day.  I got briefings, and numbers, and watched videos, had urine taken and many,, many, tubes of blood.  After all of that I was BEYOND exhausted.  And guess what?  I didn't even get to see my doctor.

I know.

It's ok though.  I am fine.  Bubby is fine.  Oh, I didn't tell yall?  Lael has named my belly Bubby.  Cute huh?

I have my 10 week appt scheduled for Oct 30, I will turn 11 weeks the very next day. 

You know what that means right?  I am officially 3 months pregnant!!  Don't believe it to be true?  Check out the evidence for yourself.

I've only gained about 5 lbs so far so lets keep those fingers crossed.

The doctors are well aware of my RH Negative status and hopefully will get a schedule of my shots when I go in.

I also hope that I will be told I can attempt to have this one naturally even though I had Lael via C-Section.

I left work early today.  Wait let me back up.  So remember I told you all I was afraid to get the Flu Shot?

Ok, so they urged that I get it right away, but they were all out.  So I contact the clinic in the Pentagon last week and they were out too.  They told me to call back today to see if the new shipment came in.

So I did.

The guy answers and I explain myself and ask if they got a shipment in.  He says no.  I politely ask if he knows when they expect it.  And get what he says to me.

"When the rest of the world get it."  Yes, that fucker said that to me.  It's all good though.  Best believe I took care of that. 

It pays to work for people in high places.

So I called the clinic on base where I live and they were SUPER nice and SUPER helpful and told me that had them in and for me to come right away because they aimed to have all pregnant women vaccinated.

So that is why I left work early.  So I'm all vaccinated and stuff.  I feel ok about it.  I mean if you rode the Metro train like I do everyday and listen to people hack and scratch their asses and touch everything it would gross you out enough to get the shot too.

It's been a long week for me.  I am back in school.  I am taking Accounting and Humanities.  Screw you Accounting.  The end.

Wow, I realize I am all over the place.  That's what happens when I go so long without blogging.

I guess that hardest part about everything that I'm going on is that my best friend moved away.  Not just far away, but like a totally freakin' different COUNTRY away.  Germany.  Boo.

I have had friends.  Many to be exact.  Some have lasted.  Some have not.  Some kind of hang in the balance.  But only once in my have I had someone who I instantly clicked with.

I love her and her family so much it hurts.  I am sad that she will miss my whole pregnancy.  The one she convinced me to finally go through with.  But she'll be back.  I am sure of this.

Ok, so I guess my point was, I'm ok, Bubby is ok, you guys totally rock and I love yall, I hate going to school but it must be done, and I really miss you Carlota.

Fears

I know I've talked about how different this pregnancy is from Lael's.  Being older.  Being experienced. Having my friends and family excited for me.  It is nice.

But it all seem so surreal to me.  Is my belly really growing before my eyes?  Is there really a baby inside of me?

I don't know if it's ok to get really excited.  I freaked out last week when I noticed a light pink spotting.  Thanks to all my virtual friends for giving me kind words and supporting me durning my panic.

It all went away.  No cramps or any other problems but is everything ok?

I have my first appointment tomorrow.  Will they be able to get a heartbeat?  Can you even hear the heartbeat at 8 weeks?

I haven't got my flu shot.  I'm afraid.  I'm afraid that it will kill my baby.  Did I tell you all that I am RH Negative?  Do you know what that is?  Basically my body recognizes the baby as a threat and tries to fight it off.  Yeah.  I'm not even kidding.

I walk in the stores and refuse to look at the baby clothes.  I'm think I'm afraid to get too excited.  I'm afraid to grab a pack of onsies because I don't know what I would do if I never got to use them.

I don't remember being this afraid with Lael.  What is wrong with me?

Maybe my appointment will give me the relief and security that I need. 

It's going to be a long 8 months.  I hope you guys are with me for the ride.

Bursting To Let It Out

Me and Lael have been having an ongoing battle this week. Well actually since school started. But this week I’ve decided to crack the whip.

Lael has a problem.

She’s a chatter box.

I’m sure most kids this age are but I really do think she takes it to the extreme. I know that for her age she would normally be in Kindergarten but the fact is she isn’t. She’s in the 1st grade and has to act like it.

Her teacher means business. There are rules and those rules must be followed.

Some of the rules include: No Talking In The Hallway, No Talking During Circle Time, No Talking During Sharing Time (unless you are asking them a question), etc…

Lael finds this very hard.

Her teacher has a reward system. You get 4 stripes everyday at the beginning of the day. The goal is to keep all your stripes until the end of the day to earn a star on the Star Chart. If you get 1 taken away you have a chance to earn it back with good behavior. If you get 2 taken away to can get them both back so you will surely not get a star. If you get 3 taken away you get a note sent home. If you get all 4 taken away you get a phone call to your parents.

Lael hasn’t made it past 2 being taken away but that’s as far as I’ll let this game go.

I don’t think that is is really that hard. Follow the simple rules. She has gotten her stripes taken away for a variety of reasons but mostly it’s talking.

I know that it has to be hard at school because I can’t get her to stop talking at home.

If I’m on a phone call she insists that whatever she has to tell me is soooooo important that it can’t wait until I hang up the phone.

This is how our last conversation went.

“Mom, I’ve got to tell you something. It’s really important.”

“Lael, I’m on the phone. Give me a minute and I’ll come talk to you.”

“But Mom….”

“Lael! I’m on the phone wait…”

“But….”

“Stop. Hold that though, let me finish talking on the phone!”

She then presses her lips together for a few seconds and then yells out….

“Ah! I can’t hold it in. I just really need to tell you.”

Seriously. It’s like she’s going to explode if she can’t get her thoughts out right then and there.

We have had talks about when it’s appropriate to talk and when it’s time to be quiet. She understands but I think she really struggles with it.

Out of 30 something days of school she’s only gotten 4. I repeat 4 stars. Most for talking offenses.

Something’s got to change. If she fills her chart with stars she gets to get a magic pencil. My child needs the magic pencil. Don’t you see. It’s like a game.

I explained to her she needs to win the game. Get the most stars and you win! I even told her that for every 5 stars she get I will get her a prize.

Bribing? Maybe. Whatever, judge if you want. I gotta do what I gotta do to make this thing happen.

All week she got stripes taken away. Until I broke it down to her. Now that it’s a game with incentives she is excited.

Yesterday she came home and announced that she got a star.

Hallelujah!

Game on!

Presents And Awards

My birthday was awesome yesterday.  Thanks for all the birthday wishes and bloggy love.  You guys rock!

Work was awesome.  I got spoiled all day.  Hot chocolate, Starbuck's Pumpkin Spice Cream Cheese Muffin, and 2 Cheesecakes and 2 birthday cards.

I got home and had 2 cards. 1 from Lael and 1 from hubby.  I then when to my BF's house and her husband made me a special shrimp dinner while our other friend made me a Fruit Tart from scratch! Whoo Hoo!

We wrapped up the evening with presents.  Yummy Bath and Body Works goodies and an awesome Pregnancy Journal.  You guys rocked! Thanks for making me feel EXTRA SPECIAL!!  Love you Carlota, Mike and Janelle!

Then once I got home I had packages waiting.  1 was my Scentsy Warmer that I won during a blog hop from Hollie.  It is too cute! I am so excited!  I also recieved another box that I wasn't expecting.  My father-in-law sent me an box from Shari's Berries. Yummy hand-dipped chocolate covered strawberries.  Hell Yeah!! Just what a preggo needs! :o)

I still have more celebration to come.  My mommy will take me out this weekend and I will get pampered just a bit more.

Ok, so moving on.

I have awesome bloggy friends who give me awesome awards.

A few weeks ago I got recieved the Superior Scribbler Award from my friend Diamond. Thanks girl! Love you!

Of course, like every other bloggy award, it comes with rules.

These are the rules:

1. Each Superior Scribbler I name today must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving bloggy friends.

2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

3. Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to THIS POST, which explains The Award.

4. Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Here are my nominees:

Lindy
Ann
Ck
Becky
Buckeroomama

I also recived the It's A Major Award from Buckeroomama.  She thinks I'm hot.  Well, sorta. That's Mama!

Here are the rules of this award:

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.

Pass the award to bloggers who like to smile and/or laugh. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I’d like to share and pass this award to:

Maggie
Stesha

Ah.  I feel so good. Like I've done some good in this word.  Ok, now I'm off to study my 30 before 30 list.  Wonder what I can check off my list today.....

A Birthday List

I’m 28 today. I know. To most of my bloggy buddies I’m so so young. But I do feel old. I don’t know where the time went. I feel that panic coming on. You know, the “I’m almost 30 and I’m not even close to where I want to be” feeling. Sigh. What to do what to do.

I think I am old enough now to create a “30 Before 30” List.

1. Visit New York-I live 3 hrs from there but have never been
2. Print out some of my favorite pictures and hang them on my bare walls
3. Get rid of baggage-emotionally and physically
4. Cook a Sunday meal from scratch-preferably beef stew.
5. Bake a cake from scratch
6. Clean out the closet under the stairs-I actually really need to do this BEFORE the baby comes
7. Have my last dog fixed-Can’t take the humping anymore!
8. Go camping with my daughter-Maybe she won’t notice if we do in in the backyard…
9. Eat a piece of fruit everyday for at least a month
10. Buy myself a new wardrobe-I’ll never fit back in my size 3 jeans and after this baby KNOW I really ain’t gonna happen
11. Travel to another country for leisure, not work
12. Finish my Bachelor’s Degree-I’m halfway done!
13. Stop cursing completely-Ok, maybe…
14. Spend a whole day happy and not let anyone or anything ruin it
15. Make Tech Sgt- I work hard and deserve the extra rank
16. Ride a horse, or a pony :o)
17. Go to Vegas and live it up!
18. Take a road trip with a good friend
19. Enter a marathon and finish it
20. Scuba Dive
21. Learn another language-Maybe French since it’s such a romantic language
22. Sing Karaoke in front of people
23. See a dolphin show and swim with them if I’m brave enough
24. Help a stranger without them fining out
25. Go to a spa and get the WORKS!
26. Start a garden and be able to eat something from it
27. Take Lael to the American Girl store in NY and let her splurge
28. Make a grocery list and actually stick to it
29. Wear a bathing suit and not care about what people are thinking
30. Taste coffee….The smell makes me sick but I heard it yummy

What are some of your recommended MUST DO’s before 30?

I'll Shake The Shit Outta Her

I tend to avoid confrontation. When people are acting stupid I just ignore them. Cut them off and let them think about the stupid shit they are doing. When it comes to my husband I let him go. I can’t win an argument with him anyway so why even fight with him? But the one person I will go to blows over is Lael. I will rip your eyes out with my bare hands if necessary.

Remember I told yall that something was going on with her. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it? I found out. And I feel like a bad mother for not figuring it out sooner. It has nothing to do with me, or the new baby. It was your classic case of bullying.

That’s right. My little girl was being pinched, spit on, having her hair pulled and downright bullied by another 1st grader. A girl she considered to be her friend. Of course she was going to lash out. She didn’t know how to take it. She has this “cool” girl that she wants to be best friends with but doesn’t understand why she hurts her and makes her cry.

How I found out? As a black family there are certain unspoken rules we have to go off of. One of them is “Never send your daughter ANYWHERE with her hair looking a hot mess.” Because of this rule I spend a good amount of time every night making sure her hair is just right. She always comes home from school looking pretty decent but the last few days her ponytails were hanging loose and were all frizzy. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing for her hair to look such a mess after being in school for a few hours.

Thursday night as I’m about to re-do her hair I ask her a question. “Lael, has anyone been playing in your hair? I don’t understand why it looks this messy.”

She stops and turns around and looks at me. Then the flood gates opened up. “The girls on the bus have been pulling my hair. And today INSERT NAME pinched me. And the other day she spit in my face. And such-and-such was sitting with me but then INSERT made her move and sit with her. And they made me cry. And on and on and on.

I was horrified. It all made sense now. My husband walked in her bedroom after I had done her hair and put her in the bed and she was still going on and on about all the things that have happened to her over the last few weeks. He was angry with her because he asks her everyday how her day was and she never led him to believe anything was wrong.

I was furious. I couldn’t decide whether to call the Bus Supervisor who could pull the tapes and call the girls parents. Or speak to the bus driver about keeping an eye on them. Or speaking to the girls mother since they were in Gymnastics together and I would see her on Saturday.

I decided to speak with the bus driver on Friday morning. I told him that I wasn’t sure what was REALLY going on but I’d like it if he could keep an eye on them and have Lael sit up front where he could see her. His response just about pushed me over the edge. “I sit all the elementary school kids up front together. I can’t do everything!” For fucking real? That’s your answer?

I was fuming by the time I got back home. I called the Bus Supervisor right away. But she didn’t answer. I called a few more times throughout the day and couldn’t reach her. I’m sure it happened that way for a reason. My husband had calmed down and suggested that I just speak to the girls mother that next morning during Gymnastics. Apparently Lael had gotten home from school Friday and declared that her and the girl were friends again because they decide to stop being mean to each other. Really?

Saturday came and I was afraid I would be too bitchy so I rehearsed what I wanted to say.

It went well. The mother seem mortified that her daughter was behaving this way. I explained that the girls were probably both at fault and that I had spoken to Lael about how to treat her friends and all people for that matter. She understood. She spoke to her daughter as soon as gymnastics was over. The girls hugged and asked for play dates and a sleepover.

I am quite relieved. Because even though I won’t hit another person’s child. I will shake the shit outta them if anything like that happens again.

Just kidding.

No, not really.

Sike.

And Now He's Gone

I awaken out of my sleep around 2:30 this morning.

My cell phone. Where is it? Who the hell could be calling my cell at this hour?

Oh gosh, I hope nothing is wrong.

I stumble out of bed. Rubbing my eyes I make my way down the stairs.

Where is it. Ugh. I missed the call.

On the kitchen counter. I found it.

1 missed call. Dyon.

Oh no. Dyon’s calling. He always forgets that he is 3 hours behind in CA. Either way it’s still pretty late.

I hope everything is ok.

I call him back. “Hey babe!” He yells over the background noise.

“What’s wrong?!” I yell. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. I’m leaving. I’m getting on the plane as we speak.”

I sucked my breath in. For a while I had forgotten that he was leaving. I forgot it was real.

“Oh, ok it’s 2:30 in the morning here. I thought something was wrong.”

“No, I just wanted to call to say I love you. Give my niece a kiss for me. Love you.”

“ I love you too. Be safe honey.”

I can’t believe it’s really happening. He’s gone. On a plane somewhere. I don’t know when I’ll hear from him again.

He sounded so happy. A bit excited. He is proud to do what he does.

After he hung up I sent him a text message to call as soon as he can and that I loved him. He texted me back. “I will. Luv u 2.”

It’s a text I will never delete.

God I pray he makes it back home safe. I pray.

October

I can hardly believe it's Fall already.  It seems like just yesterday Lael was jumping off the diving board.  We were wearing short shorts, (ok, the kids, not me.  Never me.  Ever. Ahem.) riding bikes, eating popsicles and enjoying the warmth of the sun.

It's over.

I mean. The sun will still come out.  But now it's only good for thawing off numb ears and fingers.

Anyway.

As much as I don't like the cold. I do love the changes of the season.  Pretty scarves, pretty hats and gloves.  Colorful leaves.

But before all that comes my favorite month of the year. 

October.

So many joys of October.  My birthday is the 7th.  My husbands is the 9th. My best friends is the 10th. My daughters is the 29th.  Halloween on the 31st.

Fun. Fun. Fun.

Today is the beginning of a non-stop party month.  I'll be 28 this year.  OMG.  It's scary just typing it out. 28.  I don't feel like I've lived 28 years.  I still feel 16.  That's good right?

My hubby will be 34.  Good googah moogah, how am I married to an old man?

But what really pulls at my heart is that my precious girl will be 6.  How is that possible?  Where have the years gone?

Didn't she just say her first word?  Didn't she just get potty trained?  When did she stop saying "Dabby" and start saying "Dad"?

The thing is times goes by right before your eyes.  As much as I love the month of October, I wish the months in between would slow down already.

Sigh.

Oh well. It's here.

Time to party!