A Father's Not Always A Dad

I have been really thinking alot about fatherhood being pregnant with my boy.

Me and hubby have got the parenting thing down for girls but now that we are going to bring a man (well not originally, but you get the point) into the world, it's important that we do it right.

There are so many men out there that father children but don't show them what it is to have a dad.

I am optimistic that my husband will do just fine.

Originally posted on March 13, 2009

I haven't touched on fathering much on my blog. It's been on my mind for some time now but it's a really sensitive subject with me.

I didn't grow up in a normal household. My mother married her high school sweetheart, they got married he went in the army and then I was born. I witnessed a bad marriage, abuse, drinking, and overall violence. By the time I was 6 they were divorced. We moved away with my mom and we barely saw him.

He scared me. A child should not be scared of her father. My mom remarried when I was 8. I love my step-father. He adopted me at 14. My father over-nighted the paperwork to give up his rights. It hurt me. Many nights of sitting by the window with my bags packed waiting for him to pick me and my brother up. He never came. I didn't see or hear from him from the time I was 14 until I was 25.

He looked horrible. I saw him in court with my mom. Apparently the back child support he NEVER paid had caught up to him and he didn't want to pay. He had the nerve to drag my mother to court. He cried when he saw me. He asked about my husband and daughter. I told him I forgave him and that he is the one who missed out on a great daughter. He asked about Lael and I got angry. You will never meet my child I told him. You will never have the chance to hurt hurt as deeply as you've hurt me. She deserves the world.

A few months later I ran into him on the Metro. He spotted me and said hello. I said hello back. It was awkward. He got off at his stop and handed me something. It was an old picture of me from when I was 6. He said he's always carried it with him. Sad. I've always carried him in my heart. I just wasn't enough.

I heard he's been married since him and my mom divorced. To the same lady who he had affairs with. I've heard he has a few children by her. I just hope he was a better father to them than he was to me and my brother.

I don't give my husband enough credit sometimes. He drives me nuts and hasn't always done the things I've wanted him to. But one thing I know is that he's not just Lael's father. He's her dad. He gives her kisses and hugs every night. He makes sure he records her special shows. He buys her favorite snacks. He makes sure he buys the right bandaids for her. He always makes her laugh. He's a dad. Every child deserves a dad like him and watching him father her heals my own broken heart a little everyday.

The Party Don't Stop

Ok, so most of you know that I've been coaching little cheerleaders.

While it's been challenging and exhausing and well, you get the point.

But it was all worth it on Saturday when my little ones got out on the court and shook their tailfeathers!

Of course you see Lael is the only one on point. It may or may not be because I made her practice over and over and over again.

And if you look really close in the back you can see a fat whale (that would be me) controlling the music.

All the work the girls put into it was totally worth it.

I may be crazy enough to coach again next year....maybe.




Is this not the cutest crap you ever did see?

No?

If you don't think so you're obviously dead inside. Just sayin'.

Happy Monday!

A New Beginning

Lael came home from school yesterday and mysteriously forgot to give her teacher her folder so didn't have any homework.

I was too excited to be upset so I decided to take advantage of the 72 degree weather.

As I walked to the park it was amazing how differently things look without 2feet of snow.

Baby birds flying around.  Toddlers that I had not seen before were just big enough to walk freely at the park.

All the bigger kids ran wildly. Screaming.  Overwhelmed by the feeling of being let free.

My tulips are showing signs of sprouting.  The trees are ready for their brand new leaves.

I made me think about life's cycle.

We have 4 seasons here in DC.  And those seasons remind me how life is ever evolving.

Things get wild and crazy in the Summer.  They can sometimes blow around in the Fall.  Freeze over in the Winter. But in the Spring it starts all over.

It's like a new beginning.

Wipe your slates clean.

Leave behind whatever things you aren't proud of.  Things you woul like to change.

Spring is here. 

Open your windows.  Take a walk.  Dust off your camera.  Listen to the sounds around you.

Live your life.  Your new life.  Everyone deserves a new beginning.

Happy Friday my friends!

And Then I Fussed At Him

So I started feeling sick Monday night.

I think it was a combination of my commute into work everyday (on the nasty metro) and all the running around I've been doing.

I'm sure it also didn't help that I had a friend come over last Sunday that left and said she got sick later that evening and hoped she didn't pass it on to me.

Either way, after coaching Lael's practice I came home and felt a little off.

My stomach kept getting tight and I figured I just needed to eat.

I tried to sit and watch tv but no matter what position I sat in I could not get comfortable.

I felt a little cold, so I tried to take a shower but when I felt like I was going to pass out I sat down and took a bath instead.

Shortly after I started to feel really queasy.

I tried to lay in bed but no matter how I positioned myself I felt naseous and my stomach was in pain.

Hubby got me water and crackers but nothing seemed to help.

I had to prop my pillows so that I was sitting straigh up. I was the only comfortable position.

Well I must have dozed off because I woke up a few hours later and got that metal taste you get right before you vomit a kidney.

I don't know how I managed to roll out of be so quickly but I made it to the toilet in time to avoid any cleanup.

Seriously. I'm not a puker. I haven't puked like that since my first time getting drunk back in uh....2000.

It.Was.Horrible.

I was sure if I dry heaved any more, Bubby would come right out of my mouth.

I made it back to bed but then woke with chills, and a fever. And still my stomach kept cramping.

I managed to get to Labor and Delivery where they took blood, and urine. They gave me an IV of fluids and hooked me up to montitor the baby.

The nurse stops and says. "Did you feel that?" I told her I did. "You're having contractions." Well shit, now I know what the pain in my stomach was. Duh.

So then of course I get 2 doctors that come in examining me and my lady areas. Checking my cervis and all that good stuff.

Everything was good and once the fluids kicked in, the contractions died down.

It was scary for a while because he's not ready. I'm not ready.

I made it home with medication and strict orders to rest, but had contractions the rest of the day.

I had a talking with this boy.

I told him he will NOT come right now. He WILL behave. And he WILL stop giving me contractions.

So far so good. But don't think I'm beneath fussing at him again if I have to.

Question of the Week

I was supposed to post this yesterday but I was too busy avoiding death fighting the Flu, that I didn't have the strength.

While I am recovering please entertain me with your answer to the question of the week.

My answer would be doing my hair. For my non-black bloggy friend, you have NO idea how much of a headache it is. I shiver just thinking about it.

So,

If you could cancel forever a single thing you do everyday other than your job, what would it be?

Blowing Bubbles

If anyone knows me at all you already know that it doesn't take much to make me laugh.

Me and Lael were chewing bubble gum this weekend and she wanted a lesson on blowing bubbles.

Just when I though she was going to get the hang of it, I decided to video tape it.




Didn't turn out quite the way I expected. But it got a laugh out of us anyway.

Hope your weekend was as relaxing as mine.

Friday Randomness

I miss her.

I can't explain how lonely I am without her. She's one of those wherethehellhaveyoubeenallmylife type of friends.

*sigh*

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So hubby has been working on our car so when I whined about me feet feeling like they were about to explode (no I am not dramatic at all) we borrowed his brothers car (who is living with us now, the brother, not the car, well both, ugh you know what I mean).

We go to find me some comfy walking shoes that I can also wear in my uniform. We stop a Sports Authority and swing by the Target (where I also added a few cool things to my registry) next door to pick up a few things.

We were out of the car MAYBE 20 mins. We went to head to another shoe store and the damn car won't start.

I will spare you the details but let's just say it's an hour I can't get back. Also, me and hubby don't get along when stress is involved. We.Almost.Killed.Each.Other.

But we figured things out and I got my shoes, I even managed to weasel a discount out of the guy. Being big as a whale has it's perks.

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Guess what tomorrow is?  Well it's my 2 yr Bloggiversary.  Already!

I wish I had some cool random giveaway I could do. So if you have an Etsty Shop and want your product put out there email me!

But I just wanted to thank everyone who reads my blog (even those that don't comment, which I wish you would).  I started out with zero readers and zero comments and it's ONLY because of you that I continue to blog.  I mean seriously, who wants to write to themselves?

So THANK YOU ALL!!

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Oh, and I'm totally 30 weeks preggo.  Yup. 9 more weeks until my C-Section. I can almost smell him now. 

Happy Friday!