When I was younger I always pictured my life like a fairytale.
Beautiful house, white fence, pretty little dog, gorgeous husband and 4 beautiful children.
I would get up and make breakfast, kiss the hubby and see him off to work. I would clean house, arrange playdates and spend my free time with my children.
Totally not what I got.
When I got pregnant with Lael I thought I was going to get out of the military. I did not.
It was a hard decision but I was able to care for her by staying in.
What I didn't expect was how hard it would be for me to take my teeny, tiny, 8 week old child to a DAYCARE!!
It was horrible. I've never forgotten that feeling. I've carried it around with me for 6 years. I was there for a lot but I missed a lot. Things that strangers got to see my girl do for the first time.
How unfair is that?
I have now been in the military for 10 years. No way I'm quitting now. I'm halfway to retirement and half way to my degree. Why quit?
But guess what? I'm having another baby. I think it's killing me more this time around that I won't be able to stay at home with my baby like so many women get to do.
I get it. Being a SAHM isn't the coolest thing since sliced bread, but to me it would be. I done the working mom thing and for the most part is sucks!
Not being able to attend all of Lael's school functions or field trips. Sure I can send Dad, but it's not the same. And that little girl reminds me of that.
Hubby has been getting a lot of interviews lately but I'm going to tell you a secret.
I no longer want him to get a job.
Why you may ask? Why would you NOT want more money?
I'll tell you why.
Because if hubby continues to say home our baby will be home with him. Safe. Secure. Loved.
No, it's not the same as me being there, but I'll take second best.