Stolen! His Manhood and My Paycheck

This is Suki. He is 2of3 dogs that we have. I don't talk about my dogs much because Lael is selfish and takes up most of my time.

Hubby is usually the one to feed and care for the pups although I am the one to usually groom them and do all the doctor visits.

Suki is a 7 year old, 7lb, trouble-making, Pomeranian. Let me tell you the story of my little Suk-Suk.

Back in 2002 I worked shift work on another AF base. I worked with this sweet girl who had recently lost her father to Cancer. To keep her mother company she got her little Suki. Soon after she found out her mother had Cancer as well and she passed away quickly. This sweet girl who lost both parents to Cancer within a year decided she couldn't care for the puppy and decided to give him to me. Just like that.

I have always been grateful to her because he has been a blessing to our family. Suki is a friendly dog that never bites, growls and barely barks. He is always ready to play and constantly getting into things he shouldn't but overall a good dog.

3 weeks ago hubby noticed there was a lump on the bottom of Suki in his groin area. He noticed that he constantly wanted to use the bathroom to poo but not much was coming out. I know gross.

He thought that maybe he was constipated so got so wet dog food to help him pass it. It didn't work and Suki slowly became quieter and didn't want to move much. We were afraid the lump was becoming painful for him.

Between Monday and Wednesday of last week the lump when from the size of a golf ball to the size of a melon and we got scared. We took him to the Vet on Saturday morning and after X-rays and tests they were unsure of what it was. Guesses were a hemorrhoid or a problem with his bladder but they just weren't sure. We paid our $130 even though we got no answers.

We decided to drive around because we knew of a few other Animal Clinics in the area. We tried one and it was closed. We tried the next and they were closing. My husband told them our story and the Vet that was there took pity and asked us to bring Suki inside.

He took the X-rays from me and whisked Suki right into a room. He poked prodded and drained some fluid from the area to reduce the pressure and told us that it was a Tumor and that he would have to Emergency Surgery on Monday. He left, told us to schedule at the desk and didn't charge us a thing!

Hubby took Suki in yesterday morning and we went to pick him up after I got off of work. They had cleaned his teeth, pulled his loose teeth, and even clipped all of his nails for us....for FREE! Suki was awake but in pain when they gave him to us so they gave him pain medicine and some to take home and antibiotics....for free!

They had taken his testicle and said that they couldn't find the other but it may be in the tumor. We have to wait to hear if it is or if it's cancer. Lord I hope not.

The surgery and all did come up to a little over 500 but they said we could write post dated checks if needed. How sweet!

After getting my pup home yesterday, I could tell he was still out of it. He kept trying to force himself to stay away but kept falling over.

He would stare at me.....



Then one eye would close and he would lean to the side......



Then he would collapse and fall back asleep.

He did that about 4 or 5 times before he gave up and stayed sleep for good. Poor guy!
So lucky enough we bred him 5 years ago so he has a son because his days of producing are over!

I ♥ Faces-Week 12 (Pouting)

Remember this photo of Lael from last year?? My how she's changed.

She Always Bounces Back

This was Lael on March 1st.

She named it Blueberry and insisted that is was a girl even though I know that it was a boy.

It had been over a year since our last Beta fish "Boots" had went down the toilet to join Nemo and Flounder in the Potomac River. Boots had been with us for 3 years and when he got "sick" and needed his friends to get better she had taken it fairly well.

This time around I decided to wait to get another fish because we are busy around here and I barely remember to feed Lael. Kidding. No really.

But sometime Grandma's do what they want. I haven't even touched on the subject of my mom, or what Lael calls her Nana. But that's another post SERIES in itself.

I digress.

On March 1st, Nana brought Lael back home from a fun weekend with Blueberry. Hubby was a little upset because naturally he ends up being the one to take care off all the animals in the house so felt we should have been asked first. Good luck to him trying to get my mother to do anything besides what she wants to.

I decided that I would use this opportunity to help Lael become more responsible. You know what peeps? She did AWESOME. Every morning before school she would feed her/him a few pellets and the same right before she went to bed at night. The water stayed clean and she never overfed him.

Even when she was home sick a few weeks ago she reminded ME to feed her new pet. I have never been so proud of her.

Now backing it up a little. Blueberry had been a little odd from the first day. He/She didn't like to swim much except when it was feeding time so I never thought much of it. Just our luck to get a lazy fish.

This week Lael was on Spring Break and because she was out of her normal routine I found myself asking her is she fed Blueberry and she always said "Oh I forgot!" and I would tell her that I already did and then I would remind her that is was her responsibility.

I came home yesterday from work and asked her if she had fed her fish when she got up that morning. She told me she didn't. Now this is where I turn into the worst mom in the world.

I fussed at her. Not just a, you need to feed your fish because it's your job, kind of fuss. No, it was the, Lael, if you don't feed Blueberry she will die. You have to take care of her like I take care of you. I knew she would forget to feed it so I told her I had already done it but she needed to be more mindful.

A few seconds after our conversation I took a peek at Blueberry. And she.was.dead. Laying on her side on a marble at the bottom of the tank. Shit. I whispered it to Hubby and her gave me the most severe stank eye.

How could I tell her that Blueberry was dead after I had just chastised her? She would completely think it was her fault and it so wasn't. Shit.

We decided to leave it be for the night and I sent her upstairs and tried everything I could to distract her. She continued to ask to feed it that night and I told her I already did. She tried to feed it this morning and I told her I already did, you know, trying to buy myself time.

We had a busy morning with Gymnastics and a visit to the Vet (I'll post about that later) so I had time to come up with a game plan.

Pawn it off on Hubby. Sounds good to me. We came home from the vet this afternoon and her broke it down to her. Kinda.

He told her that Blueberry was sick like our dog and we needed to flush him in the toilet to be with him mommy and Boots and Bingo (my friends Beta that recently passed). She freaked out because I had totally forgot to tell her Bingo was gone. Shit.

She calmed down and decided she wanted to scoop it out and put it in the toilet herself. Yeah right. Daddy did it for her but she insisted on flushing the toilet. Sigh.

When the water swirled around and Blueberry disappeared my little girl collapsed in my arms. She cried her heart out and talked about how it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that people have to live out of the water and fishes have to live in the water because she loved Blueberry and now she only has 3 pets instead of 4. She cried. I cried. And she cried some more.

I don't think I can do that again. I mean like ever. I can deal with cuts and bruised. I can deal with punishment cries. But my child's heart being broken is not a cry I wish to hear again.

I cheered her up by offering anything that would make her happy and she decided she wanted to visit one of my friends and her kids. We did and she seemed to be happy again.

My friends daughter came over for a sleepover and they were watching the Kids Choice Awards and she decided to tell me that "all the single ladies" was going to be coming on soon. And she even gave me a preview.

Someone I Don't Recognize

Last night I decided to take a nice long bath.



I went into the bathroom and got undressed.



I turned around to pick my clothes up off the floor.



When I stood back up I caught a glimpse of my back side in the mirror.



I was mortified.



I was ashamed.



I understand that I will never be the skinny young 21 year old I was before Lael.



I have become part of the statistics.



32.7% of Americans are overweight and that includes me.



Even my Mii mocks me when I do my Wii Fit Test.



I am done.



I am done being lazy.



I am done eating fast food at work every.single.day.



I am done.



Today is a new day for me. I have gone on my health kicks before but this is a life change.



I am at the heaviest weight I've ever been at.



I only have 2 pairs of jeans that fit. 1 comfortably.



I have been wearing sweat pants all winter because they are all I can fit.



I am done.



I am not this person. I don't recognize this person.



Today I ate a health lunch, drank my water and ran 3 miles.



My side ached, my legs burned and my lungs were on fire.



But I ran.



I will Wii Fit tonight for an hour and I will run again tomorrow.



I need to find myself again. I have lost her.



But not for long...........

Blind or Blonde?

Lael likes to watch The Biggest Loser with me sometimes. There was a Pop Challenge and towards the end there were only 3 girls left and they were battling it out.

"Lael, which one do you think is going to win?"

"The blind one!"

"What? What do you mean the blind one, they can all see honey."

"No! The one with the blind hair!"

"Uh do you mean the girl with the blonde hair?"

"Yeah, yeah, the one with the blonde hair."

Hmmm. I don't even know where she learned that from. Oh, and the blonde one did win.

The White House Through Her Eyes

Lael made it to the White House on Friday. Here are some details she gave me.

"We get to see every single rooms and stairs that was painted red beautiful."

"We saw the Dining Room, the Red Room, the Blue Room, the White room, the Yellow room, the room that had the piano and desk in it."

"We couldn't go upstairs because they had sword ropes everywhere that could cut you and you couldn't go under it."

"They would kick you out if you went over it and you couldn't come back another day."

"You had to do your last name to the girl so you could go in because they need to know our name."

"We couldn't see the rooms that good because the moms and dad were in the way."

"We didn't see Barack Obama because he was somewhere else at work."

Shortly after they left the White House her teacher called me at work and said she wasn't feeling well. They said she fell asleep on the bus on the way there, she fell asleep on the way back and she kept nodding off in class. I guess she's not back to her self yet but she hung on long enough to take this trip. I guess not eating for a week can really take all your energy away.

You can see from the picture below that she was just not happy. Hubby picked her up from school before lunch and when I got home from work she was sleep. She had slept from 1-5:45.

She been doing a lot of sleeping this weekend and all I can really get her to take are Nutripal drinks.

I'll be glad when I get my child back. Really.

The Good and The Bad

Is it just me or has this been the longest week ever? *sigh* Ok. Here are a few things floating around in my little ol' brain.

• Good News: Lael was feeling much better today and finally got back to school.
• Bad News: Lael was feeling better today which means she's back to her normal self.
• Good News: Lael's fever hasn't been back and her eyes are clear of drainage.
• Bad News: I have a fever and my throat feels like it's swollen shut.
• Good News: Lael is going on a class trip to the White House tomorrow.
• Bad News: I was supposed to chaperon said trip but can't because of a work obligation. :o(
• Good News: Tomorrow is Friday and my weekend can begin.
• Bad News: I may spend my entire weekend in the bed sick....
• Good News: Tonight was the last cheerleading practice and I'm very relieved.
• Bad News: Tee Ball will be taking it's place in a few weeks.

Apparently my life does have some balance. Even if it's the kind of balance I don't want.

I'll Never Leave You Alone

I'm going back to work tomorrow. It's been a long 4 days. I thought Lael would be better by now but she is still feverish and still has gunk coming out of her eyes.

She is really good for a few hours and I think she's back to normal and then she sits down and gets this look on her face that reminds me of myself after a few drinks. Her eyes turn red again and then she's back on the sick train.

I don't know if she'll be well enough to go back to school tomorrow but daddy is here if she needs to say home.

She went without a nap today and her temp only got up to 102, yeah, only. She played with her toys, watched a few movies and I thought all was well. She's still not eating and it has really gotten to me. Today she had a few sips of my Starbucks Apple Chi, half a package of My Little Pony Fruit Snacks (thanks Carlota), 3 bites (tiny) of a bowl of Ramen Noodles, and 1 1/2 Thin Mints. That's all I could get down her throat. All of that together doesn't equal 1 meal. *sigh*

I decided to let her have a nice long bath around 6:30. She slashed and giggled and had a great time. I went downstairs to switch the laundry. She was still enjoying her bath. I come back upstairs and hear her crying hysterically.

I found her standing in her bedroom naked, shivering and crying her little heart out. Apparently right after I went downstairs she decided to get out of the tub. I guess she called out for me to bring her a towel but I didn't hear her.

I asked her why she didn't come downstairs to get me and she said because she was freezing to death. I felt horrible. I quickly wrapped her in a warm towel and cradled her until she calmed down. I wiped the gunk that was running down her cheeks and whispered in her ear to calm her.

I dressed her in warm pj's and wrapped her in a blanket and sat her on my lap. She kept repeating that she thought that I had left her and that I should never leave her again and that I can't go far away so that I can hear her. My poor child. I promised I wouldn't let it happen again. And you best believe I'll try my best.

Not Me! Monday

MckMama has a cool new look to her blog but still keeps up tradition!

I did not attempt walk full speed up escalators going the opposite direction. I pay attention to those tiny details.

I did not just finally figure out Google reader and am excited all over again about reading blogs. I'm not that slow.

I did not post about a nasty rash on my arm and ask my readers to vote on what they think it is. Who does stuff like that?

I did not open up my 4th box of GS cookies and swear I'll owe my whole paycheck by the time I'm done getting rid of the rest of the cases of cookies in my house.

I did not go to a friends house to play Rock Band and take my sick child with me. If I did, she would not go to sleep while at their house and wake up with her eyes swollen shut. What kind of mother am I?

I did not spend the rest of my weekend (and today) giving Lael Motrin and Tylenol every few hours to keep her 104 temperature under control.

I did not get so fed up with her symptoms that I had to spend my afternoon in the ER with my girl to have them tell me she is fighting pink eye in both eyes which is causing her body to fight which is what is causing the fever.

I did not let Lael order a double cheeseburger from McDonald's today because it's the only thing she's wanted to eat since Friday. I did not get excited because she ate just about all of it.

Somehow this has turned into a post about Lael's sickness. Oh well, Happy Monday!

A Father Is Not Always A Dad

I haven't touched on fathering much on my blog. It's been on my mind for some time now but it's a really sensitive subject with me.

I didn't grow up in a normal household. My mother married her high school sweetheart, they got married he went in the army and then I was born. I witnessed a bad marriage, abuse, drinking, and overall violence. By the time I was 6 they were divorced. We moved away with my mom and we barely saw him.

He scared me. A child should not be scared of her father. My mom remarried when I was 8. I love my step-father. He adopted me at 14. My father over-nighted the paperwork to give up his rights. It hurt me. Many nights of sitting by the window with my bags packed waiting for him to pick me and my brother up. He never came. I didn't see or hear from him from the time I was 14 until I was 25.

He looked horrible. I saw him in court with my mom. Apparently the back child support he NEVER paid had caught up to him and he didn't want to pay. He had the nerve to drag my mother to court. He cried when he saw me. He asked about my husband and daughter. I told him I forgave him and that he is the one who missed out on a great daughter. He asked about Lael and I got angry. You will never meet my child I told him. You will never have the chance to hurt hurt as deeply as you've hurt me. She deserves the world.

A few months later I ran into him on the Metro. He spotted me and said hello. I said hello back. It was awkward. He got off at his stop and handed me something. It was an old picture of me from when I was 6. He said he's always carried it with him. Sad. I've always carried him in my heart. I just wasn't enough.

I heard he's been married since him and my mom divorced. To the same lady who he had affairs with. I've heard he has a few children by her. I just hope he was a better father to them than he was to me and my brother.

I don't give my husband enough credit sometimes. He drives me nuts and hasn't always done the things I've wanted him to. But one thing I know is that he's not just Lael's father. He's her dad. He gives her kisses and hugs every night. He makes sure he records her special shows. He buys her favorite snacks. He makes sure he buys the right bandaids for her. He always makes her laugh. He's a dad. Every child deserves a dad like him and watching him father her heals my own broken heart a little everyday.

A Post Not About Lael But Kinda Gross *UPDATED*

**UPDATE**
I went to the doctors and they do belive I have th worm of the ring. Or ring worm. Or cooties. Whatever. Good news is the Jock Itch Cream they gave me is making it fade away. I have all the luck.


Original Post:

I have a problem.

There is this thing on my arm.

It started off as an itchy bump last week.

It quickly spread to this blistery, burn looking circle.

I tried jock itch (don't ask)cream but that made it itch more.

I tried Aveeno cortisone cream. I makes the itch go away but yet it still grows.

Here are the diagnosis I have gotten from friends and family:

a. Spiders hatching eggs under my skin

b. Spider Bite

c. Ring Worms

d. Fungus

e. A burn that I somehow don't remember getting

f. My imagination

It's been like a week and the shit's driving me nuts. I guess I'll break down and go to the doctors this morning.

Just out of curiosity...vote on what you think it may be. Below is a picture. Hope it doesn't gross you out.










The End.

The Many Styles She's Rocked

Lael has sported many hairstyles in her short 5 years.

Here she in on Halloween in 2007 when she loved her hair curly.

Here she is at the beginning of the school year when all beads had to match.

This was the first time I ever straightened her hair and it was for a wedding in September.

Ponytail obsession week.

"I need lots of ponytails mom!"

Had to have pigtails for Thanksgiving and many weeks after.

Last Thursday was picture day and I asked her how she wanted her hair. "I want you to do my hair with the Hot Glue Gun!" she said. What? "Remember in Auntie Shay's wedding?" Then it hit me she wanted me to straighten her hair with my flat irons.

It only took me 30 minutes but it was so worth it:

I can't believe she is 5 already. I can't bare to think of how much faster time will fly. It pains me beyond words.

Isn't she precious? Well I think so.

In No Particular Order

It's only the 10th of March but I have a feeling I won't like this month that much. Let me share a few reasons why.

*Having to wean my 5 year old out of my bed all over again is painful and may cause me to want to drug her to keep her in her bed at night.

*Being so tired from the stupid time change that I try to walk up escalators going in the opposite direction may cause me to get pissed and give people the stank eye when they giggle at me.

*Having my husband call me at work and blame me for Lael missing her bus this morning when he Has.No.Job and nothing else to do might cause my co-workers to leave the cubical.

*Having to reschedule Lael dentist appointment because my work is just that demanding may annoy me just a lil bit.

*Almost missing my shuttle bus and having to full out sprint to catch it and then have so many people get on that it causes us to be late to the Metro and for me to miss my train anyway may make me sweaty, cause my chest to hurt all day and be the reason I got on the wrong escalator.

*Having co-workers that are so lazy if you look up the word lazy in a dictionary it will show a picture of them flipping me the bird may cause me to literally bite my tongue so that I don't say things I will regret.

I hope the next 21 days go by quickly because so far I could have so done without this month. Just sayin'.

World Thinking Day 2009

So far Girl Scout's has been a bunch of fun games and activities for Lael but yesterday was something a little more special.

Apparently each year on February 22, girls participate in activities, games and projects with global themes to honor their sister Girl Guides and Girl Scouts in other countries. Every year has a different theme and this years was "we can stop the spread of AIDS, malaria and other diseases."

Now since our daisies are only 5 and 6 we thought teaching them about AIDS would be a little too much so we decided to go with the importance of hand washing. We originally thought about having them glitter their hands and shake hands with everyone to show the glitter transferred to every one's hand represents germs that are passed on when hands aren't washed. Well, we decided against it since we would have to be the ones to clean it up. I'm too lazy for all of that.

Anyway, the girls had their World Thinking Day Ceremony yesterday and the girls were really excited. Each troop chose a country to focus on and we chose Thailand since one of our Daisies grandmother is from Thailand. The other troops chose Kenya, Philippines, Latin America and a few other countries. While we were setting up one of the other girls came up to Lael and asked her about Thailand and hand washing. Lael told her "Wash your hands or you will get germs and your nose will run and you'll cough and then touch people and then they will do the same thing."

Isn't she a smarty pants! So the girl decided to tell Lael about her country (I don't recall where) but the disease they chose was Onchocerciasis. Apparently it is an infection caused by a parasite and spread by the bite of an infected blackfly. What happens is people (mostly kids) get bit in the eye by the flies and go blind. They either fall into a ditch and die, get killed by the townsfolk because they are useless, or just die from the disease spreading. If they swatted at the flies and washed hands the spread of this disease would be minimal. Yes. This teenager told my 5 year old ALL of this. I should have caught the look on her face as she was shocked to hear such a thing. To think that she has been living among flies that could cause her to go blind!

Once things kicked off it was lots of fun. There was a Flag Ceremony (Lael held the GS Flag) and tasting of food from different countries and even candle lighting ceremony. Lael was on the end so the firs to start and I almost peed myself from fear of my baby holding a LIT candle. All. By. Herself. But she did it with me right beside her ready to throw my body on her if she caught on fire.

They ended the ceremony by singing this cute little song.

Keep new friends but keep the old
One is silver and the other's gold.

They broke it up by troops so it was really cute how each troop was on a different verse as we sang it over and over.





The funniest part of the day was after the flag ceremony was over I heard a little scream and ran around the corner to check because it was a familiar scream. Lael had dropped the flag and ran into the grass. Apparently a fly had tried to attack her and she wasn't having any of that. "I kinda like my eyes mom." I like them too baby.

Always An Angel

Being here in the DC area we don't get much snow during the winter. We are lucky if we even get a dusting. Over the past 5 years we've a little bit every now and then but never enough to play in for more than 1 day before it melted away.

Monday we got a good 5-6 inches here and even though her school had a 2-hour delay I decided to keep her home safe with me. We went sledding with some friends and I hadn't realized until she was flying down the hill that it was her first time EVER sledding. She smiled so hard I though her cheeks were going to explode.

I don't have the pictures from Monday but I started going through pictures of the other snow days we've shared over the past 5 years. I noticed a trend. She's always and angel. It's amazing how similar the pictures look, especially the last two.

This is the first snow we shared together outside when she was 3.



This is her from last year when we barely got enough to cover the ground, she was 4.



And this one here is actually from snow we got this January.



She is sure and angel in my book.

I'll Probably Lose My Spot In Heaven

I've always thought that children are supposed to be pure and innocent. That is at least young children. At what age is it okay to dislike a child? I'm pretty sure it's a sin to dislike a child.


There is this little girl. Let's call her The Girl. The girl just recently turned 7 and gets right under my skin. I like to think of myself as a good person, a good person that loves children. However, this child is an exception. I don't completely blame the child for the way she is. At such a young age her parents can be the only one's to put the blame on.


From the moment this child stepped into our lives she has been nothing but trouble. She lies, she picks fights (especially with my baby) and has the smartest mouth ever.

When I had D's slumber party she made 3 of the girls cry and I had to pull Lael off of her because my girl don't take shit from anyone. I had to speak to her numerous times about the right way to talk to people because she would get in the girls faces and yell at them. I even had one girl cry to me that she wanted to go home because The Girl was being so mean to her.

Oh how it angered me. To make things worse, the past few months hubby has been getting The Girl off of the bus with Lael and she spends an hour or so at my house before her dad comes to get her. She does the dumbest things while she's at my house an when I question her about it she lies to my face. I mean she looks at me, and blames my child when I saw what she did.

I don't know how much of this child I can take. I know the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree because her mother doesn't really have it all together. I think more than anything I'm sad. I'm sad because this child is the result of bad parenting. Horrible, horrible parenting. What am I to do? How do I help mold this child into a better person? Is she a lost cause? Should I stop allowing her to come to my house? What would yall do?

Innocent Love

I ran across this picture while going through my many many folders full of photos.

Lael loves other kids but is pretty fond of my friend Dusty's babies.

I hope the innocence never goes away......

A Few Notes On Selling Girl Scout Cookies

Saturday was me and Lael's first time selling Girl Scout cookies at a booth. You want to hear my thoughts about that? Too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway.


-It's usually easier to have more than 2 people there. Neither the cookies, money, or child can be left alone at any point.

-This being said, bathroom breaks are impossible.


-Getting change because you will eventually run out of 1 dollar bills and all coins. They may turn people away who were going to purchase cookies. Hmph.

-Telling my 5yr old you are too fat to buy cookies will cause her to look at you, then me then back at you with a puzzled look. It will then cause you to come back and buy 3 boxes. Not because you like cookies but because "she's so cut". Uh huh.

-Telling my 5 yr old the cookies are unhealthy will cause her to continue to ask you to buy cookies because you continued to walk back and forth and then eventually bought a box, you know because she's was a "such a good salesperson".

-Giving my 5 yr old a 5 dollar bill and expecting her to tell you how much change you need back will probably not end well. Dude, she just learned to count to 100. LITERALLY.

-Completely ignoring this 5 yr old when she asks "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?" will cause me to give you the stank eye. Ignoring little kids when they are trying really hard will REALLY piss me off.

-Lingering around the cookie booth for the full 1 hour and then waiting until we pack up our table and then buy 6 boxes will probably make my girls day. Thanks weird lady with the 2 kids!

Overall, it was lots of fun! I really learned some things that will prepare us for our next time slot. I'll let you know how it goes!