I don't know if I've explained me and my mother's "unique" relationship.
We go up and down. Round and round. I love her. Don't get me wrong but our relationship is not a normal one.
She didn't support me getting married, screamed when she found out I was goint to be a stepmom, freaked when she found out I was pregnant and has been comparing me to my cousins who went to college instead of going in the military like I did.
She actually didn't show up to the courthouse when we got married. "That wasn't a wedding" are her words when it's brought up.
We fought when I got pregnant with Lael and she tried to talk me into having an abortion.
She has adored Lael since she was born but that turned into her treating her like it was her child instead of her grandchild.
We've had many battles.
I've dealt with it because my mom had a hard life.
Not many are aware of this. My husband doesn't hate her but I would say STRONGLY dislikes her.
I understand his feelings but yet I will never let her out of my life, she's my mom.
My mom was abused by her mother, raped by her mom's boyfriends, got pregnant at 18, moved out with her drug addict boyfriend, left him for my dad and got married.
My biological father was in the Army at the time. She had me and we lived around the world. I watched her get beat and took a few beatings myself.
I could go on and on.
She eventually packed her things and left him.
We moved back to DC where we (her, me and my 2 brothers) shared a 1 bedroom apartment in the poorest neigborhood she could afford.
I helped her study to become a police officer and thats what she's been for the past 20 somthing years.
The thing is I know how good she can be but I've also seen the bad side of her.
I've been beat by her. Called a bitch. Kicked and verbally abused.
But I deal with it.
My point is, I didn't make it to her house for Christmas this year. It wasn't because I didn't want to go but I was feeling sick.
I tried to call later and come but no answer.
She called New Year's Eve around 3. I was sleep and called her back around 6.
She didn't answer. She never called me back. I didn't expect her to.
I tried to call her to let her know I'm having a baby boy. She didn't answer.
I texted her. She texted me back: "K."
What kinda fucking response is that?
The kind I expect from her when she is angry with me.
But what's different this year is that I'm letting go.
She will eventually come around but I will not longer let her hurt me.
I will no longer let it determine my actions.
It has taken me this long to realize that she is never going to change but I can so my friends....
I'm letting go.