In Which I Will Continue To Whine...Because I Can

I don't think I have anything witty to say.

Being military can really suck sometimes.  One of the sucky factors is that I am a PT monitor.

You know what that means? That means I get to admister a test to make sure Air Force members in my unit are staying fit.  This includes a 1.5 mile run, push-ups, sit-ups, height and weight measurments and taping of the waist.

I don't mind so much doin this.  What I do mind is someone requesting that I do the test at 7am when I don't get to work until 7:30. And then after asking me to do the test at 7am try to talk me into doing it even earlier. 

What the fuck do I look like.

That being said.  I had another night of NO SLEEP.  Went to bed around 9:45.  Didn't fall asleep until after 10 and was up at 1.  That's it.  I could NOT sleep after 1.  Unless you include my 15 min nap around 4:45.  I was back up at 5:30 and out of the house before 6am.

And did I mention is cold as a polar bears balls out? 

In addition to all that's going on, I will NOT, I repeat, NOT, be going home and relaxing when I get off.

Instead Lael will be cheering at her first basketball game at 6pm which means I have to be there at 5:30 to get the girls settled and warmed up.

And do you think I'll be headed home after that?  If you do, you are WRONG.

Lael's usual Saturday gymnastics was moved to tonight at 7pm.

Am I crazy? Do I want to drive myself batshit?

I need a drink, and am not happy that I have to wait until GODKNOWSWHEN to have one.

Maybe I should re-think the whole breastfeeding thing. I mean seriously.  I NEED A DRINK.

That is all for now....

Carry on.

This Morning I Got Pulled Aside By The Police

Well...the Pentagon Police.

In order for you to understand why I should give you a rundown of my morning.

I woke up at 4am (after not being able to fall asleep until after 11:30).  Used the bathroom.  Checked Twitter.  Tried to go back to sleep.

Tried to go back to sleep.

Tried to go back to sleep.

Never fell back asleep and got up to my 6am alarm.  Showered but my husband had stolen my towel.

Got out of shower shivering to get a new one out of the closet.

Got down the stairs only to realize I didn't have anything clean that was comfortable to wear. 

Chose to wear a pair of sweatpants from earlier this week (judge if you may).  Couldn't find matching socks so chose to go without.

Got Lael dressed in some sort of ensamble...not really sure what but I'll find out this afternoon.

Didn't really look to see if her hair was presentable.

Brushed my teeth where my gums began to bleed.

Looked at my watch and realized I was late leaving the house.

Almost fell down the stairs trying to get out of the house quicky.

Had to run/shuffle to catch my shuttle.  I made it.  But I wasn't happy.

I then got to the Metro just in time to catch my train but of course I had to stand up.

The men try not to give eye contact because they would rather die than give up a seat to a woman more or less a pregnant woman.

Then the ladies that don't want to give up a seat decide to bumrush you when the train stops.

Like hell I had to stand up for 3 stops and you think you are going to stand up make me get behind you.

Get to my stop, switch trains, and finally get a seat.  Only because I had to elbow a few people to get there.

Get to my destination and almost got squished trying to get up the escalator because the line to get in the Pentagon was wrapped around to the top of the escaltors.

Then I have to watch people walk past me that try to cut the line.  They do this everyday but I never try it.

Not that I couldn't get away with it but I'm really in no rush to get to my desk.

Finally I have an old guy in a tan trenchcoat behind me that doesn't know the meaning of personal space.

After I snatch my bag and turn around to give him "the look" he aplogizes but barely backs up.

We finally make it into the bldg and he steps on the back of my foot.

At this point I'm about ready to lose it.

That's when I hear "Ma'am, Ma'am!" I turn and the police pulls me aside and asks if everything is ok.

Apparently I committed a crime with my eyes.  Yeah.  I am guilty of kililng this guy with my eyes.

You damn straight I did.  And tomorrow I'll do it all again.

What Being Sick ISN'T Supposed To Mean

I've been sick the past few days. 

It started this weekend with a sore throat.

Then quickly turned into backaches and swollen feet (not sure the two are related).

By Monday I felt like death, and yesterday I felt like I had been brought back to life just to be killed again.

Let's review what should happen when you are sick:

-You should call in sick to work and stay in bed in your pj's.
-Your husband (if he stays home like mine) should pamper you and give you back rubs and hot soup
-Your children will be on their best behavior and make you get well cards

Let's review what did happen:

-I had to drag my ass to work on Monday because no one can do my work
-I had to drag my ass to work on Tuesday (see above)
-I did get to leave work early both days but they acted like they were giving me a prize by doing that
-My husband thinks me coming home early means he can pick me up from the Metro 20 mins late, get daytime sex, nighttime sex, and fondle me as needed
-My child will come home with homework that is review from the beginning of the year and then PRETEND she doesn't remember any of it causing me to hyperventilate because I am THAT angry

I am feeling much better. Thankyouverymuch.

So what did I learn from all of this?

I don't know, but I sure as hell am thankful to Benadryl.

Some Sunday's Come Too Soon

She counts down the days until we get her again.

Every other week the countdown to Friday begins.

She keeps secrets just for her.

She has a special laugh that only she can get out of her.

They rarely fight, not wanting to waist a precious moment they have together.

Sunday usually comes too fast.

Before there were tears, now there is just silence.

She is growing up and dealing.

But it breaks my heart everytime.

To have a part-time sibling is hard on any child.

They had an awesome weekend.  Manicures, pedicures, dinner, movies, a night at Grandma's.

Then as quickly as it began it's over.

She is an only child again.

At least for 12 more days.

While I know this baby in my belly won't fill that void, I will force myself to believe that it will lessen the pain.

To have a sibling that will always be there.  Even when she may want him to go away.  He won't.

He will be here.  Everyday.  Every weekend.  Her brother.  Full time.

Oh how I wish I could make it different.

While I know it will make her strong in the end it still breaks my heart when the week without her sister begins.

23 Weeks

Guess who is 6 months preggos?  I know!  Ok well technically I don't start my 6th month until tomorrow but if you are going to be that anal than go away.  Just kidding. :)

So far everything has been well.  For those that missed it, it is a boy.  NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.  Except for my one incident everything has been great.

Everyone I see swears I am little and carrying so well.  That's just code for "girl your ass gonna blow up from here".  Thanks for that.

So I have decided to schedule a C-Section.  I know it's not what I said earlier but I am 100% sure.

The first thing that led to this decicison was that the doctor reviewed my records from Lael's birth and decided that while my previous C-Section was difficult that I had a 60-80% chance of having a vaginal birth without my uterus errupting.

While to some that sounds all warm and fuzzy.  I was concered about whether I fell in the 60th percentile or the 80th. 

But what really sealed the deal is the last weekend D was with us she asked who was going to take care of her and Lael when I had Bubby (no he still doesn't have a name but feel free to give suggestions. Preferably names that start with L or K). 

It then hit me that most likely D wouldn't be with us when I went into labor and I don't want her to meet her brother a week after he is born.

I know it may sound stupid to some but she is my daughter as well.  This is her brother.  I want her there as much as I want Lael and Hubby there and so I have decided to let the doctors slice me once more the ensure that both of my girls are the first to meet the last member of this family.

So, I spoke to D's mom and she totally supports this and will let her miss school if needed to be there.  It certainly kicks ass to have a baby momma that has some sense.

My next appt is on Feb 12th, so I will let me doctor know my decision.  I don't know if she will schedule it then or how that works but when I find out my date I will totally let my bloggy buddies know.

Well, I'm past the half-way point.  I have started working on his room and Lael is enjoying it.  He has clothes, a bassinett and stroller/carseat combo (thanks to my little brother in Iraq), and thanks to Buckeroomama a bouncy seat. 

I'm sure my babyshower (April 17th) will turn out great and I will get lots more stuff for him.

I am scared, excited, and giddy.

I'm having a baby.

He'll be here before I know it.

I don't even know how to take care of a boy.

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

True Colors

He usually get's on my last nerve.

I love him and that is probably why he can get right under my skin.

He can be lazy slob and it infuriates me.

He does have many good qualities.

He adores animals.  He's great with all children (you know, cuz he never grew up).  And he has this little magic power.

The power to make people laugh.  His humor could probably get him out of any situation.

But this week there was a side of him I never saw before.

Compassion.

From the moment the fire started at our neighbors house, something in him switched.

It was like a light bulb.

A side of him I had never seen in the 10 years we've been together.

The fire happend on a Friday night and Saturday morning he doned his sweats and work boots and trudged throught the ashes to help salvage what they could.

He did the same thing Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  Working non-stop from the morning until dusk to save what he can.

Taking out furniture.  Offering to fix the tv's.  He even ordered an X-Box 360 from Ebay and cleaned it up to give to their teenage son.

Coming home covered in soot.  Not once has he complained.  Not a once.

He has amazed me.

I have always known that he was a good person.

I have always know that your heart can expand to allow more love than you can imagine.

What I didn't know was that your love for a person can completely change.

It will never be the same.  I will never look at him the same.

My husband showed his True Colors and for that I will love him forever and always...and a little bit more.

Cuz I'm A Sucker

So last night was Lael's first day of Cheerleading practice.  If any of you have been hanging around long enough to remember, I was the assistant coach last year of about 15 5-7 yr old girls.

Yeah. I know.

So Saturday when I signed her up (at the last minute) the Youth Center Director thought he was slick and tired to slide coaching papers towards me.

I protested at first but then found out that there was only one coach so far.  I decided to sign up as as and assistant coach again but insisted that the moment I got overtired I was going to sit my pregnant ass down.

So back to last night.  Me and a few other parents are there for our 6pm practice but others show up saying it's at 6:30.  The coach hadn't shown up yet and I was slowly getting pissy.

Finaly at 6:20 she shows up.  No idea how she told half of us one time and the other half another time.  In addition to that, there were girls of all ages, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10.  That didn't seem right.  Well I found out that she was the coach for both teams.

Well that shit wasn't going to work.

The military Youth Sports program is ran by volunteer parents.  No volunteers. No coaches. No team.

So long story short, me and the other mom who coached the 5-7 group last year will be coaching again this year.  Except I had to talk the other mom into it which means I'm the head coach.  Huh?

How'd that happen?

I know.  I'm a sucker.

Thoughts In No Particular Order

First I'd like to give a big HELLO/WHATSUP/THANKS to all my commenters from my Delurker post.

To my new outers, Portia, Laura, S, Vickie, Pam and Portia.  Thanks for coming out of hiding.  Please comment when you can.  Otherwise I kinda feel like I'm talking to myself....which I already do enough of.

Ahem.

To my stalkers: Carlota (my BFF woot! woot!), Lindy (my first blog stalker) and Jessica B. I love you all.  Thanks for continuing to stalk.  You make me feel way more important that I am.

And finally to my regulars Maggie and Tiffany T. Thank you for being consistent!

I know I have other readers who weren't quite ready to come out yet.  And that's ok.  No rush.

********************************

So this weekend was a nice long weekend.  The thing is it started off horribly for a family across from me.

Around 10:30 Friday night, me and my husband watched as this family of 5 stood outside and watched their house burn.  A small fire the started in the garage quickly spread and within minutes had gotten out of control.

Everyone got out safe (thank the Lord) but they have pretty much lost everything.

This has been weighing heavy on my heart.  At the time I was able to take in their children (6 year olds twins, a boy and girl) and their teenage son. 

I was able to calm the younger kids, get them snacks and juice and distract them with Nickelodeon but it was hard to take the attention away from the fire truck lights and commotion just outside my kitchen window.

The teenager got hooked up with the X-Box and my husband let a few of his friends come in and play with him.

But still my heart aches.  Yes, I send clothes with the 6 yr old girls because it was all I had to offer.

But I still can't imagine what they are going through.  One minute they are watching tv with their father on a Friday night and the next they own nothing but the clothes on their backs.

But they are safe.  And I try to look at that positive side of this horrendous situation.

The next morning they came back to view the damage.  Hubby went over to give them a hand.  Close to nothing was salvagable, between heat, smoke and water damage everything is at a loss.

They will pull through this.  I am sure of it.  Thankfully being military they were put up in the base hotel immediately and they already have a new house (on a different street) for them to move into.

We will give what we can to them.  I have clothes for their precious girl.  I will get gift cards for them to get more clothes.  I will get toys because I can't imagine how confused these babies are.

It got me to thinking how unprepared we are for a fire.  I have never had a fire drill with Lael.  I wouldn't know where to begin.

I don't even own a fire safe.  I DO know where my extinguisher is so that IS a start but how old is it? Does it work?  I should probably check my detectors.

So many thoughts....my heart aches.  As I type this my husband is over there now helping out.  I'm not sure what he's doing but I'm sure they are greatful.

I gotta go so I can order pizza for them...it seems like such a small gesture but I know it's all those small things that matter the most.

I Didn't Get The Damn Memo

So I guess yesterday was National Delurker Day!  Thanks for the damn memo guys.

So as usual I do things when I'm good and ready.

All you folks that come by and read need to come out of hiding.  (Yes I'm talking to you Charlotte NC, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, Lynnwood, Washington, and Aurora, Colorado).

Let me know who you are.  What you do.  How long you've been blogging.

Ideas to make my blog better (as if it could get any better).

How about a contest:

Give me some good baby names for my little boy.  The best name will win!  What will you win you may ask?

Knowing the fact that I may name my little boy after a name you suggested.  That's present enough right? No?

Well can I get some help anyway?

I would prefer a name that starts with an L or K.  Nothing popular.  Since Lael's name is so unique I have to keep it up.  So join in on the fun.

Please?

I promise to come and pay your blog a visit in return.

OK, I think I've made a fool of myself now.  Come back now yall hear?

She'll Keep Your Secret...At Least Until You Get Sent Home

Everyday ask Lael about how her day went. Her stories are usually typical 1st grade girly stories. Such and such was mean. Such and such isn’t my friend. Such and such is my friend again! But I ask because you never know what she may tell me.

I also ask because I need to know if she got a star that day and because we had an agreement that she would participate in all discussions once a day and so every day she has to tell me what question she answered.

So yesterday I asked Lael how her day went. Here’s how the conversation went:

“Suzie peed on herself.”

“Wow, that’s sad. What happened?”

“Well, we both had to go pee really bad but I had to go badder so she let me go first. One of the toilet’s wasn’t working so there was only one to use. I finished really fast and let Suzie go but then she said “uh oh” because she had peed on herself when she was trying to get her pants down.”

“Aw…I’m sorry to hear that, what happened next.”

“Well there was no more toilet paper so Suzie asked me to get her some. Since the other toilet door was locked I had to crawl under the door to get her some toilet paper.”

“Wow! That was very nice of you.”

“Yeah. It was. So then Suzie was too sad to come out of the bathroom.”

“ I bet, so what did you do?”

“Welll I went into our class and told the teacher ‘Um..Ms. Taylor, Suzie needs to see you. She in the bathroom but I can’t say why.”

“Oh, well that was so mature of you to not say out loud what had happened. So then what?”

“Ms Taylor went and took Suzie to the nurse and then her Dad came to pick her up so she could have clean clothes.”

“Well that’s good. Did she come back to school?”

“No she just stayed home for the rest of the day.”

“Well that’s great that you were able to help your friend and keep her secret, I’m sure she was a little embarrassed.”

“Yeah, I only told Sara and Kelly.”

“What? Why did you tell them. You wouldn’t want anyone to tell if it was you that had an accident.”

“Well they are our best friends, she they were gonna find out anyway, besides Ms Taylor is the one who told the other girls that aren’t even our best friends.”

Very well then.

Out Of The Picture Vault

Throwback pictures make me smile....almost cry.

Happy Hump Wednesday!

Letting Go

I don't know if I've explained me and my mother's "unique" relationship.

We go up and down. Round and round.  I love her. Don't get me wrong but our relationship is not a normal one.

She didn't support me getting married, screamed when she found out I was goint to be a stepmom, freaked when she found out I was pregnant and has been comparing me to my cousins who went to college instead of going in the military like I did.

She actually didn't show up to the courthouse when we got married.  "That wasn't a wedding" are her words when it's brought up.

We fought when I got pregnant with Lael and she tried to talk me into having an abortion.

I refused.

She has adored Lael since she was born but that turned into her treating her like it was her child instead of her grandchild.

We've had many battles.

I've dealt with it because my mom had a hard life.

Not many are aware of this.  My husband doesn't hate her but I would say STRONGLY dislikes her.

I understand his feelings but yet I will never let her out of my life, she's my mom.

My mom was abused by her mother, raped by her mom's boyfriends, got pregnant at 18, moved out with her drug addict boyfriend, left him for my dad and got married.

My biological father was in the Army at the time.  She had me and we lived around the world.  I watched her get beat and took a few beatings myself.

I could go on and on. 

She eventually packed her things and left him.

We moved back to DC where we (her, me and my 2 brothers) shared a 1 bedroom apartment in the poorest neigborhood she could afford.

I helped her study to become a police officer and thats what she's been for the past 20 somthing years.

The thing is I know how good she can be but I've also seen the bad side of her.

I've been beat by her.  Called a bitch. Kicked and verbally abused.

But I deal with it.

My point is, I didn't make it to her house for Christmas this year.  It wasn't because I didn't want to go but I was feeling sick.

I tried to call later and come but no answer.

She called New Year's Eve around 3. I was sleep and called her back around 6. 

She didn't answer.  She never called me back.  I didn't expect her to.

I tried to call her to let her know I'm having a baby boy.  She didn't answer.

I texted her.  She texted me back: "K."

What kinda fucking response is that?

The kind I expect from her when she is angry with me.

But what's different this year is that I'm letting go.

She will eventually come around but I will not longer let her hurt me.

I will no longer let it determine my actions.

It has taken me this long to realize that she is never going to change but I can so my friends....

I'm letting go.

They Usually Gross Me Out.....

...but Friday I was over joyed to see a little penis on the sonagram screen.

That's right people I am having a little boy.

Joy is pouring out of our house.

So Friday morning I had to take myself to my appointment.  Hubby didn't make it because we didn't have anyone to put Lael on the bus. 

Boo.

But I was ok with it.

The tech that took me back was super sweet.  She spent a good 40-45 minutes checking every crevis.

Kidneys, brian, 2 arms, 2 legs, toes, fingers, heart, spine you name it, she measured it.

Everything looks great.  She said I'm about 2 days behind but they would leave my 22 May due date the same.

He is almost a pound and has a big head just like his daddy.

Oh and guess what.....

He sucks his thumb.  I could just eat him up.  But I can't.  Not yet at least.

So after that appointment I had another appointment with my OB.  She said everything looked great and that she had finally recieved my records from my C-Section with Lael and that I could totally have him naturally if I wanted.

Just in case she did have me sign C-Section papers ahead of time.

Once I go home me and hubby (who couldn't control his excitement ALL weekend) went to pick up D for the weekend.

She remembered that I had an appointment but I told her she had to wait until we got back to the house because Grandma was with Lael and I hadn't yet told her and wanted to tell them together.

Once we got home we had to wait 20 minutes or so for Grandma to bring Lael home.  At this point D was antsy.

Finally they got there and I let them both guess.  They both thought it was a boy.

When I smiled and told them they were right they leaped for joy.

Lael screamed and jumped up and down.

"I wished to God it would be a boy and my wish came true!"

"I knew it was a girl so I wished to God that he would change it to a boy and it worked, God is my best friend.....mom, do you have pictures of his private parts?"

Hilarious. I know.

I showed them the sonogram photos (privates included) and they just giggled at his "Tee Tee".

"That means we can go shopping!" Lael screamed. 

She didn't calm down all weekend.  Neither did D.

We went shopping Saturday and Sunday.

They were like little maniacs.

Trying to throw everything they could in the cart.  Clothes, diapers, pacifiers, shoes, stroller, cribs, you name it they wanted wanted it.

Hubby is coming up with RIDICULOUS names like Richard Wellington (Dick Well for short) or Ceasar (which means King).

Long story short.  It's gonna be a long 4 months. 

But it will totally worth it in May.

Who Wouldn’t Want A Cute Fairy To Wake Them?

One of Lael’s big Christmas requests was her very own alarm clock. She watches Hannah Montana, iCarly, True Jackson and all those other “big girl” shows on Nick and Disney. So of course I wasn’t surprised that she wanted a clock so that she could wake up on her own. Cute huh?

I could have found her a black, $5 clock at CVS that would have done the job. But where’s the cuteness factor in that? I searched the World Wide Web and found something I thought would fit her perfect.

Isn’t it A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E?!?

It has a steady light at the top and a switch button to light up a night light on it. It also has the radio and buzz feature like a regular alarm.

So of course I thought it would take FOREVER for her to get the hang of it. Sunday night before getting ready for bed to go back to school after Winter Break, I took it out of the box and got it all set up in her room.

I showed her how to hit SNOOZE and how to reach on the side and click it OFF. Yeah.

So Sunday night she ends up in the bed with me and I end up having to shut it off Monday morning.

Monday night she stays in her bed but sleeps through the alarms so I have to wake her Tuesday but I make her shut if off herself.

Wednesday morning she does wake up on her own with the alarm but hits snooze and pulls the covers back over herself. I don’t think so missy. I explain that when the alarm goes off she needs to turn it off, get up and get dressed.

I figured it would take forever for her to get the hang of THAT.

That’s what I thought until this morning. I was already dressed and downstairs putting her lunch in her bookbag. I hear the alarm off and held my breath.

I hear her turn it off immediately. Then it was quiet for about 30 seconds. Then I hear her little footsteps and then she yells down that she doesn’t have a shirt to put on.

I was so proud. She was getting herself ready but didn’t have her shirt because it was still in my hand. But she did it. All by herself.

Well almost.

While we were eating breakfast the alarm goes off again. She hit snooze but forgot to turn it off. Who cares right?

Nobody’s perfect. :o)

A New Year!

I can't believe I haven't posted since the 21st.

I won't bore you with the whole "this is what we did for Christmas" or " I did this on New Years".

All I will say is that it was great.  The girls were happy.  All my fears from before worked themselves out.

We ended up getting both of the girls DSi's and they were just as spoiled as before so all is well.

The only thing I regret was that I didn't put as much into Christmas as I usually do.  Lael didn't get to visit Santa this year, I didn't get any pictures taken and I didn't make cookies.  But we did do a ready to bake thing.  Shout out to Pillsbury!!

The pregnancy is going GREAT! I'll be 21 weeks in a few days.  Whoo Hoo!  I know I teased everyone a few weeks ago about finding out the sex but my appointment got screwed up.

Many suggested I should have thrown a tantrum right there in the middle of the hospital but I have more class than that.  Ahem.

So anywho, I have my Sonogram scheduled for 8am Friday morning.  I respectively I took the day off so that I can SHOP!  Well not really because Christmas broke me even more than I already was.  Don't you read my Tweets, hotdogs and beans and cereal it what we'll be eating for dinner.  Just kidding. Not not really.

That's about all that's going on over here.  I don't do New Year's resolutions too much.  It's just another way to beat myself up for not following through.  But I do want to try to waist less money this year.  I want to bring my lunch to work everyday and try to put more into my invisible savings account.  Yall have any resolutions?  Let me hear them.

Well here a few pics of Christmas to tie you over.  I'll post again tomorrow.  Maybe. I hope.  Ok at least by Friday.  Or Sunday.  Whatever.  It's my blog. :o)