Monday, March 1, 2010

No Such Thing As Perfect Family

I didn't have a bad childhood.

I didn't have an awesome childhood.

I don't really know where to rate it.

It's hard to say what is "normal" and what isn't.

My life started out with my mom being married to my biological father (who was in the Army) and us living in a few places.

At the time I had an older brother (by 4 years) who was fathered by my mother's 1st boyfriend at 18.  My father was her second an she had me at 22.

Living in Germany, 4 years later, my next brother was born.

I'm not really sure when the abuse started but I do remember it shortly after we came back to the US.

We lived in Oklahoma.  I can remember my Big Wheel, my Cabbage Patch doll and I can also remember hiding under the table when daddy came home.

I can remember seeing him beat her.  I can remember him trying to beat me because I refused to let him hold me.  I remember protecting my brother. 

I can remember looking at my mother one day and asking when we were going to leave daddy.

I remember my mom packing a bag and leaving everything else behind.

We hopped on a bus and rode back to DC to say with my Grandmother.

At some point during all of this me and my younger brother became the best of friends.

We have a connection that I can't seem to explain.

Years later we have watched our mother remarry.  Have another son (10 year younger than me) and gain a step-son as well.

I am not close with any of them to include my oldest brother.  I don't really remember him through my childhood.

Part of that is because at 12 he lied to our school guidance counselor and said that our mother abused us.  We were taken away from her for a short period and shortly after he went to live with is father. 

I can count on 1 hand the amount of times I've seen him since then.

My point is, my family is far from perfect.

I am not close to any of them.  I don't talk to my grandparents or uncles.  I don't know where my cousins are.

My younger brother just got out of a detention center and may or may not graduate high school.

My oldest brother just got out of jail for beating his wife, again.

And my stepbrother, well, lord knows what he's up to.

But then we have Dyon.  How I love him so.  He is my family. And I am his.

He was headed down the wrong path but I grabbed him by the throat and showed him a different life.

He joined the Marines.  Words cannot express how proud I am of him.

A few weeks ago he returned from Iraq and then he flew into DC to be with his family.  Me.

He stayed with me up until yesterday.  He will be going to Afghanistan in April.

While he was here he saw my mom once and I don't think he saw my father or brothers at all.

I am not surprised but it still stings.  He pretends it doesn't bother him, but I know him better.

I have to make up for his family.  I have to be his mom and dad when my parents are too busy with their own lives to remember they have children.

I hugged my brother yesterday morning before he left for his flight.  I gave him a kiss and whispered in his ear how proud I am of him.

He needs to hear that.

No family is perfect and I try to remind myself of that.  But I have my own little perfection and he'll be leaving for war soon and taking a piece of me with him.


  1. It's obvious how much he means to you and for you two to have such a wonderful bond in spite of what you've been through, speaks volumes for the kind of people you are.

  2. What a beautiful post. I hope that he reads this. He is VERY lucky to have you.

  3. Just started reading your blogs and they are so moving. This one really touches my heart because I think that eveyone on some level can relate to it. All it takes is to know you have one person who loves you and has your back and that makes a world of difference.

  4. Ok, you are the sweetest person ever! I love you and am so proud to call you my best friend and my sister!!

  5. This was so wonderful and it proves that those chains of abuse can be broken. I love it and love what you did for your brother! God bless him and keep him safe!

  6. You are an amazing person, Keyona. And an amazing sister.

  7. I love this post.

    I think you two are very blessed to have each other.

  8. Wow, what a post. This was so moving, maybe because it is proof that great things can come out of not-so-great things. I will pray that he remains safe.

  9. I love how honest this post was. It just shows you that there are all kinds of families out there, and it inspires us to be good to our kids as they are now! I get upset when my son sees my boyfriend and I get into radical fights. Though he is only two, who knows what he'll remember.

    This was such a great post!

  10. You and your brother are very lucky to have each other. It reminds me of the relationship I have with my own brother.

    Hugs and Mocha,

  11. Wow, Keyona, what a story! Now I know where you get your strong spirit from--you had to go through so much. You had to grow up far too early to take care of your brother. How lucky you are to have one another.

    Wishing him a safe deployment. xoxo

  12. Keyona... I am a firm believer that in this world, we all need our "people." Whether that means biological family, family by marriage or true friends, it just doesn't matter. How wonderful for you to be his "people."

  13. Okay, you just had to go and make me cry didn't you. What a sweet and loving post this was. I am so glad that you and your brother have each other. He will be in my thoughts as he leaves you. I pray for his safe return. I am so glad he has you to come HOME to.


Those laughing with me...or at me.