Thursday, June 4, 2009

Blended Family

The other girl in my life is here for the whole month of June. Last year we had her the whole summer but still had to give her back every other weekend. This will be the first time we will have had her for 30 consecutive days.

Because of unforeseen circumstances it's been a month since she was home with us. Oh how we've missed her.

What I don't miss, however, is the problems that having a blended family can cause.

Having a child that goes in between two households can be challenging, not only for the child but all parties involved.

On her end it's just her and her mom. There are things that she knows that she shouldn't as a 7 year old. There are things she should know that she doesn't. She is allowed to do some things with her mother that is not allowed in my home.

I joke with friends that when she comes to our house I have to "debrief" her. They joke but I am soooo serious.

I am very understanding of how difficult it is for her. She sees me, her father, and her sister all living together and I'm sure she feels left out sometimes.

I have a very good relationship with her but am afraid that she will grow apart from me as she gets older.

I try my best to include her and even try to work parties and vacations around her being with us. This does not always work out and I try not to feel guilty when Lael brags about some special place we've gone or an ohsowonderful birthday party we went to.

This is all part of having a blended family.

Last night was hard because it was the first time Lael had seen her sister in a few weeks. D is out of school but Lael still has another week left.

You try explaining to a 5 yr old that she has to go to bed because she has school but her sister gets to say up and play with her toys and watch her favorite show and hang out with her daddy while she has to stay in her bed.

It's hard. I try not to get frustrated because I can't keep everyone happy. I secretly wish that we could run away and keep these girls together forever and not have to deal with these issues.

How do I deal with these problems? How do I keep it from affecting me and hubby's relationship? How do I ensure Lael and D won't grow up to resent each other? How do I transition D into our rules when she's used to getting her way all the time? How to I deal with my blended family?


  1. I wish I had an easy answer. Dealing with some of those same issues, myself. The tough part is trying not to rock the bought when you disagree with the primary parent's "parenting skills". I guess all you can do is what you feel is right, and hope in the end, that all turns out right.

  2. Oh, let me count the ways....

    I thought being a Mom was hard. Ha - trying being a step-mom...then come back and talk to me!

    Good luck. I know exactly what you are going through and hard it can be!

  3. I'm a single mom and my ex has a gfriend with two kids. Happily we have not had to deal with the blended family as I am the primary caretaker and the gf only sees my kid 2-3x's a month.

    It's so so hard I'm sure. Divorce rots for everyone involved

  4. I don't have any answer, but I can only imagine how challenging it can be to find the right balance between making sure she respects the rules at your place and helping her fit in as smoothly as possible.

  5. Wow, I wish I had some really good advice, but alas, I don't. I don't even know how to handle the 2 girls who live with me every day. But I do know that you are a wonderful mom, no wait, a wonderful PERSON (not just mom) who will make everyone feel as special as they are.

    P.S. I love the new look. The pic on your header is adorable.


Those laughing with me...or at me.